need some advice about my husband?

Question

i met my husband 19 years aga i was 16 hes 21we had twin daughters in when i was 18 we got married when i was 19 weve had our ups and downs like anyone else but i thought we were happy he started a new job 3 months ago two weeks ago found out he has been seeing a nineteen year old from work for six weeks i threw him out but he still with this girl think its disgusting considering his own daughters turn 18 in january since he been with this girl he has had contact once with his daughters with a five minute visit outside there collage i hate him so much much but deep down cant imagine my life without him been with him so long but i just hope i have the last laugh when the girl looks at him one day and says why am i with u and meets someone her own age and ends up with nobody cos he has give them all up for her what are your veiws on this situation and what do you make of it thanks

Answer 1

You think you know someone dont you? What an absolute shock to find out the man you married, the man you thought loved you is messing around on you. Unfortunately, and I am speaking from experience...I found out what my ex husband was like about 15 years into our marriage. He fooled me for all those years....I thought he honestly loved me, then I found out what he was doing and my self esteem took a huge nose dive. I felt like the most ugliest woman in all the world....Everything negative I felt about myself. I wanted revenge, I wanted the same as what you want and that is because you have been hurt to the quick. Dont take him back....he has shown his true colours. She will get sick of him and he will come crawling back to you. Dont be fooled, try to do some really quick healing because it wont be long before he does come crawling back and what better revenge than to say to him..."I dont want you anymore, I have found a man who trully loves me." Do whatever you have to do to start feeling good about yourself...Now is the time to pamper yourself, if you need to lose a few pounds, then join a gym, just do and do and do. Become the person you used to be. Get that confidence back..hang around with positive people....re-join life again. I was in a deep depression for a couple of years...I did some really stupid things....I thought I couldnt live my life without my ex either. I also thought I could never love another man again. I thought I would live out the rest of my life on my own. Guess what? I am 52, and at 50 I met the love of my life and I have never been happier. I thought I was in love with my ex-husband, but how I feel about this new man made me realise I was never trully in love with my ex....this man is my true love and had my marriage not ended I would never have met him, so everything I thought would not happen, did happen and I am just so in love. He is 55, but in my eyes he is 19. He walks into a room and I just have eyes for him. He only has eyes for me....it was a match made in heaven. Time is the only healer, you will get to a point where you no longer hate your husband. I never thought it could happen, but I really dont hate my ex husband, I dont like him either...I kinda feel nothing at all. You will feel the same way one day, but dont do what I did, dont hide yourself away....get out and be part of life again. He will regret what he has done...I guarantee it. And the perfect revenge is to succeed....show him you dont need him. Show him you are a confident capable woman who is desirable to other men. He will see what he is missing out on....but its going to be too late because you will feel so good about yourself that you wont accept second best anymore....you want the best. You want to be loved properly, and you will be, but you have to let go of your husband. You have to stop thinking that you wont be able to make it without him. They are all negative thoughts. You can make it without him...probably more than you actually realise. Give yourself some credit....start achieving, start being good to yourself, think good things and your whole life will start changing. Sometimes you are going to need a lot of self control because some days you will feel like just staying in bed and leaving the world behind....it is on those days where you will have to force yourself to get up, force yourself to be positive, but if you do it often enough, one day you will be the positive person you are telling yourself you are. Be strong, you will find love again, You were so young when you were married, you havent experienced the real wonders of life...that is all ahead of you. You can have a good life, but you have to believe in yourself.

I wish you all the luck in the world....no, I dont because all you need is guts and determination to know that you are a capable and beautiful person and that you dont deserve to be treated this way. You will know that your real soul mate could be just around the next corner, but even if its not the next one, I guarantee that one day you will go around your corner and he will be there...he will take your breath away and that is the day you will know that everything I have said here is true.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I don't think he's worth the air that he breathes if he's given you and his daughters up for some stupid 19 year old at his work. You did the right thing throwing him out though. Seems like he's ignoring his daughters too, all for the sake of this. If you really feel like you can't go on without him though, speak to him and make it clear that this is his last chance, but if he's done this once, he may well do it again and again. I think you should leave him to his own devices as he's the stupid one and it's him that will lose out in the end. At least your daughters are at an age that they can understand what's going on and can make up their own mind about him - would be worse if they were only young and unable to understand. He sounds like an idiot to have done this. How dare he. The best of luck for the future x

Answer 4

You sound very bitter, but then you have every right to be. He is obviously going through a middle life crises and was flattered by the attentions of a young girl - not that that is any excuse. He probably wouldn't have left you, but just had a fling to boost his ego. However, you did chuck him out and now you have to get on with things. The first thing to ask yourself is - do you still love him or had he just become a habit after all those years together? Your decision about what you want to do will depend on your answer. If you truly love him you will take him back when the girl dumps him and he comes crawling back to you with his tail between his legs. If you don't, and he is just a habit, believe me you will get over it and you can use this situation to create a new and better life for yourself. You will eventually look back and be glad that it all happened. Incidentally, what do your daughters think about what their father has done?

Answer 5

Well....first let me say that I am sorry that you and your daughters are going through this terrible pain. It is not easy to suddenly have your entire life and everything you thought you had disappear. Unfortunately, it is not that uncommon for an older man to become infatuated with a much younger woman. He clearly is going through his Mid-life crisis and at some point will not doubt, want to come back to you. What you do when that happens is up to you but just keep in mind that once they cheat.....it will be easier the next time...and there will be a next time no matter how much he begs and pleads and promises that there won't be. The fact that he is not in touch with your daughters is even more disturbing....you need to help them understand that it is not their fault and that these things happen in life. Hopefully, he will smarten up and be a dad to them again soon. If it were me, I would be calling a lawyer and filing for divorce. I would also be gathering all the financial assets that you have and making sure that he cannot get his hands on anything. It will be spent on this young woman and you will be left with nothing....so empty the bank accounts and put everything in a safe place in your name...If you need to start over alone you will need money...Good luck to you and your daughters.....my prayers are with you...

Answer 6

OK, several different things here:
"I can't imagine my life without him" - of course you can't ,you've never been on your own before. However, you're very angry right now, and to consider getting back with him for this reason alone is not a good enough reason. You need to get past the angry stage, and see what your real feelings are when they're not twisted and fired up by the nearness of this turn of events. I'd suggest you need to focus on YOU for a while - getting your life in a position that you are happy with WITHOUT taking hubby into the equation. You might find that you like the freedom that goes with the single life, you might find that you like the thought of dating other mena or you might find that you forgive your husband and do still want to make a life with him. But you do need that clamer perspective before making permanent decisions.
Secondly, your husband is like many people - has seen something new and exciting and is too weak willed to turn it down. Even if she turns out to be the new love of his life (and that may hurt, but it's a possibility) then he didn't go about it in a respectable fashion. IF his jailbait does chuck him out in time, you need to decide what you're going to do if he comes back begging for a second chance. But remember, you deserve a good life too, and so you need to decide whether your life will be better with or without him.
As for the girls, they have to make their own relationship with their dad work, and they need to tell him if they think he's neglecting them. Most 18 yr olds only want their dad around for cash and a taxi ride home, but if they do want to see him more, they need to tell him. You're very angry right now (understandably) so it will be hard not to influence their opinion of their dad, but you must try.

At the end of the day, YOU'LL BE FINE. As many millions of us wronged women will testify, it may seem that the world has collapsed, but it only SEEMS that way. What's on the other side of this pain and misery can be quite a lot of fun if you want it to be!
Best of luck, and keep your chin up!!

Answer 7

She probably will indeed get rid of him eventually. Really there is nothing you can directly do. I am really sorry for both you and your daughters. Some men are such right gits!
Though it may be cold comfort at this point, you are still young enough to attract someone else when you are ready. Really even the score:
Find a 25 year old graduate student with good looks and money, and be sure to rub you husband's nose in it at every possible chance!
--CJ "That Cheeky Lad!"

Answer 8

I am sorry for your painful situation, Penny. My ex divorced me after 18 years with two children. The reason was he had been having an affair with his secretary whom he is married with today. All this happened five years ago and I thought death would have been less painful than the humilliation he put me through. I understand you want him to be disappointed in the end of a love affair with this very young girl but will you really be happy when all this is over? And, will you ever be able to trust him again? Maybe your marriage is already over?! Is it really worth it pursuing it?

Answer 9

Firstly may i say how sorry i am for u and i do understand the grief and sorrow u are going through!
However can I just let you know my parents marriage split up 8 years ago due to my dad going off with a lady young enough to be his daughter! My mum was like you, they had been together 34 yrs! She forgot about all her bullying and the reasons why dad may have gone off! (not suggesting you bullied your husband!) However My dad and his girlfriend are still happily together! My mum has made things very difficult fot all us children to see our dad ( even though we are adults) she has caused so much pain and heartache to us all!
Just please still encourage you children to see him, as my mum thinks none of us see my dad with his girlfriend! Don't ruin your kids relationship with him just because he didn't want you any more! Please for your kids sake! Good luck , if i were you i would start looking for someone else!

Answer 10

first of all i am sorry to hear about this, this is obviously a difficult time for you. i know you love him but the best thing to do now is to let go, your children are at the age where they can go and see there father them selves and if they dont want to then its him thats missing out. as for you get some friends together get your hair, nails and feet done, buy some stunning new clothes and go out on the town. this is not going to make you get over everything but it is a start. and your right she is only 19 so she will find someone her own age then he will come crawling back with his tail between his legs.

Answer 11

u married way too young. Now u should make the most of your freedom and go out and live your life the way u want to. Enjoy being single again. Meet new people, go to the pub with your friends, party, and forget the loser u married. He is not worth crying over. It wont be long before u realise u missed out when u were younger