Is it wrong to be a good friend (in its most basic definition) to people but not actually like them?

Question

I have several long-time friends. I listened to them, cheered them on, helped them, stuck up for them, and tried to be a supportive and caring friend. My flaws: I don't spend that much time with them (a call/visit every few months with occasional emails and IM, although I'm there in a flash if they need me in a tight situation), I'm not good at criticizing them about their flaws...and I don't like them much.

I've never really liked people--felt this sense of real belonging to any person until recently. Yet I've tried my best to be a good friend to people I see around me and keep in touch with them, especially those who seem eager to be my friend or who seem lonely. They kept in touch with me and asked me out. Now that I'm shifting some attention away from my old friends, they're getting mad and accusing me of immaturity, leading them on, and having used them for selfish reasons. Have I? When is it considered using someone? I had lukewarm feelings, yes,but I never betrayed them

Answer 1

It doesn't sound like you've used anyone.Let's say you are plannig a trip to see a freind.One of your old freinds throws a hissy fit and says you've used them,don't wanna be their freind anymore,etc.,etc. Say to that parson "You're still my freind but I can have other friends too."If they don't like it,that's their problem and not yours.
You say you don't like them that much.I disagree.If you didn't,why would you listen to them,cheered them on,helped them and stuck up for them if you didn't like them?I mean I can understand the occasional e mails because I do not know of anyone who e mails the same person everyday.
You haven't betrayed anyone.It is considering using someone when,if you had a Playstation 3 and someone came over to your house everyday and even called you and asked if they could come over and,when they did,they went straight to your PS 3 without even spending time with you-that's using someone.
I don't think you are using anyone but,when you meet someone,you got to ask yourself if you wanna be friends with them so they don't feel used down the road.

Answer 2

Mis./Mrs./Mr., I admire your ability to describe your situation.

From what you've said, I don't believe you've "used" your "old friends". In not mentioning what you really feel, you've in a gentle sense, lied and betrayed your friends. I know it's hard to say negative opinions of your friends, I'm in the same situation now. I suggest you talk with your "old friends", and explain fully. Tell them that this is how it's been for me, and how I feel. If they doubt your sincerity, tell them that it's the truth, and you've no more to say.

I wish you all the luck in the world. Thank God you've found where you feel you belong!

Hm... I admire your spirit. One of my friends mentions her "flaws" too. My last word would be to say that they're not flaws, but faults that can be changed. For me, flaws is like something wrong with a perfect thing. It's just my own pickiness with words. >.< sorry I mentioned that.

Answer 3

Even though a person is very friendly, he/she always has an unreachable side to his persona. So I believe, that is exactly showing in you.

Even though you helped your friends you never really liked them, probably because they're not your type or because their thinking levels and opinions are light years different from yours. It's quite common actually, even I too had feelings of not belonging in a particular group of people. But we have to tone it up.

Even though we may not fit, we have to carry on with others, even though they're not the necessary type we want.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Totally natural. My wife didn't leave her house for almost 6 years because she doesn't like people.

I treat my friends like ****, and they return the favor, but they are like family and always there, which is what matters most.......