We're SERIOUSLY Sexually out of sync!!!?

Question

my fantasies are her worst nightmares!

it seems as though she might have been molested at an early age.

my fantasies put her into complete shutsdown mode.

we tried scheduling a regular get together - but this makes me feel liek a bull. completely without emotion.

i'd love to know that she enjoys me stroking her hair, holdiing her close, enjoys being with me, etc. (ok so she does enjoy when I give her an orgasm - but to get to that level is a lot of work - seems liek she is always pushing me away and avoiding my advances.

any suggestions

Answer 1

Are you two married? If so, you should have discussed this with each other WELL before now.

Either way, obviously you care for this woman and are prepared to work through it. If you are correct, and often intuition is corrrect on these things, and she was molested or abused at some stage, she really needs professional counselling.

Probably the best thing you can do is sit down with her and talk - NOT with the pressure of sex, of course, but talk to her about how much you love her, and you would really like to see this part of your relationship work well for BOTH of you. She needs to trust you a great deal to share any past horrors with you, so it will depend how serious your relationship is.

Of course, this all is based on the premise that your fantasies are not too OUT THERE! LOL I'm assuming they aren't. Some people just aren't into role playing at all, so bear that sort of thing in mind too.

COMMUNICATION - this is the key.

Answer 2

I know how she feels. I have been there myself. I believe that's why I feel about sex the way I do. I can take it or leave it. Doesn't really matter to me. It's hard not to think about it cause she is scared for life. The best thing to do is don't rush her into anything. If she feels more comfortable with you taking your time then do it. I mean in the long run both of u enjoy it. If she pushes you away and avoids you tell her you are sorry for making her feel uncomfortable and you just want her to feel loved. This is a very hard thing for a woman to go through and a very touchy subject. Just try to be patient with her and understanding. Hope this helped you.

Answer 3

Difficult situation.

Intimacy is a key factor in a relationship. If either partner resists that intimacy, there is conflict and strife.

Avoid all intimacy with her for one Month. Ask her to seek Profession help. Then you both can go together.

In the Mean time....do what we all would do with an unresponsive Partner. Flirt on the Internet.

Let her approach you, after she has determined what her issue is. Then you can discuss the problems in an adult manner.

Answer 4

If she's had some very bad sexual experience as a child, then it's something that is deep-seated and very hard to get over. If you really love her, be patient and gentle and accept her fears. It's only with CONSTANT love, trust and acceptance that such fears can be extinguished. Don't rush her! It's not her fault...

Answer 5

Ask her. Something's troubling her. One of my ex-girlfriends had that problem, and she finally broke ice and told me that she was raped at the age of 12. treat this very carefully, and if anything, hold back on the sex for a while and shee if she starts to become happier without it.

Answer 6

Maybe you should get out of the relationship. It doesn't sound like a healty one. She has deep seated issues that she needs to deal with.

Answer 7

she may have been abused before. you may wish to have meeting with marriage counselor. see what shakes out.

Answer 8

help out with her stresses in life, you know what they are, right? help with what ever she needs, that will help her open up to you.

Answer 9

dont push her she tell u if she wants to and also tell her how u feel

Answer 10

I have the same problem. If I get her drunk it seems to help alot.