How can a woman make sure that she ends up with a non abusive husband?

Question

How can a woman make sure that she ends up with a non abusive husband?

The reason i asked is that i noticed someone in my family is abusive. Well one of my brothers.He even called me a ***** once and i fought back telling to never EVER call me that. I fought him head on and he even tried to charge towards me to scare me. I didnt move a centimeter!

However im sorry for my sister in law. SHe has to put up with that crap. When we were kids, I would have never imagined my bro to turn out like that. He is a pessimistic person but to add the verbal abuse to it does not sit well with me.

My dad was also verbally abusive towards the end of his life. After he passed we discovered he had a huge head injury which explained his bizzare personality change. He was also controlling and he controlled everything( money wise, he would not give out a penny unless he really had to.)

I read alot about abusive relationships, the patterns, the cycles..all the different signs of a potential abusive relationship.

I also noticed a pattern in my family. The women who were stuck in such a predicament often married the man after a short period of time and didnt really get the chance to date the person. Also in the culture dating was considered a bad thing of some sort.

How can i make sure i end up with a god husband who will be kind and not abusive?

Answer 1

Get a Book by Dr. Henry Cloud called "How to find a date worth keeping"....

Answer 2

Unfortunately there's no sure fire way to know if the man will turn out to be abusive. It's often discovered by trial and error. However, the more you get to know someoen, the more clues you will find. The things you have to look for are: How does he treat his mother, sister or any women in his family? How does he interact with other women? Does he talk down to them? Does he make derogaroty remarks to them or about them?

Just because a man came from an abusive family it doesn't necessarily mean he will turn out that way too. The reverse can also be said though and once you start seeing signs that he will be abusive, get out of that relationship as quickly as you can.

Answer 3

I was worried about ending up with an abuser too.But, I made myself a promise not to allow anyone to treat me the way my mom and sister were treated.When my husband and I first started to date seriously.I sat down and told him about what my sister and mother went through.And I explained that at no point would I ever find any sort of abuse acceptable.I am not a punching bag and not going to become one.It may seem a little harsh but I explained to him that I know how to take care of myself and I wasn't afraid of any man that if any man raised his hand to me I would not just get out of the relationship I would get even. Also there are signs you should look for in their behavior. I from the start they are kind of possessive or try to manipulate you in anyway.They are bad news.Myself personally I found a pattern in abusive men. Like men whom abuse drugs or liqueur.They usually are abusive or become that way when under the influence.I set ground rules from day one and held fast to them.Like no drugs no liqueur and if you ever call me out of my name you will not like the out come.Fortunately for me I was able to find a good man.But, even he will tell someone who asks one of the reasons he treats me the way he does is because I won't settle for anything less and he respects me for that.

Answer 4

For this, you need to really get to know the other person a lot. Meet his parents, his siblings, his friends, and even his former girlfriends. Not only that, spend time and talk with them. To be sure, you may also want to live together for a year or more before eventually marrying. Know him inside-out...

Also observe how he reacts and what he does when he's angry. Usually, abusive persons have some sort of manifestation.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Men like that are turtling cowards. They excersize power over the weak. Worse yet, over those who love them.
Its sickening. Tell her to leave. Tell him he's a coward and be disgusted by him. You have the right to be.
I'm a head injury patient too. I don't pick on my wife. Or anyone I know the outcome of. If he wants to be a man, tell him to climb into the Octagon, for a fair pairing, by weight and height... then see what he is.

Answer 6

it particularly is a confusing one. regrettably i think of a great area of the priority is there are maximum of abusive men obtainable. right this moment's society does not inspire men to talk their emotions. it particularly is seen somewhat girlish to talk approximately courting issues. they do no longer particularly talk over with their acquaintances the way women human beings do. So if their are themes in the courting or in different factors of their existence, usually abusive behaviour is the only launch they have. it is not inevitably the lady's fault she is with an abusive guy. i think of your reaction on your brothers abuse exchange into the splendid one. do no longer positioned up with it, make it clean it particularly is an unacceptable thank you to handle human beings. it variety of feels in all hazard your brother's development of behaviour exchange into found out out of your father that's very unhappy because of the fact fluctuate into for sure a effect of his harm. i will empathise with that. My husband exchange into on drugs for 8 years which made him verbally, however no longer bodily abusive, I had no concept until eventually the healthcare expert replaced his drugs and his character replaced actually in one day. it particularly is fortunate that your emotions of self particularly worth do no longer look to have been broken by your fathers behaviour. you realize you do no longer need to be dealt with like that. confirm you destiny spouse is accustomed to it too, you're able to be ok.

Answer 7

Plain and simple, you should avoid a guy thats verbally abusive, self centered, controlling, and this might sound dumb, but the way he treats animals, kids, and old people is a reflection of the true person.

Answer 8

That sounds pretty tame as far as abusive relationships go. If that's the worst that happens to you, I'd say you have succeeded in a non-abusive relationship. What did you do in order to provoke him in calling you a *****. Was it something your brother never imagined you doing?

Answer 9

You can't. All the wisdom in the world sometimes backfires. But you can increase the odds in your favor by taking time to get to know him.... his family (how he treats other women in his family is a clue!), etc.

Best Wishes,

Sue

Answer 10

you must be the sister i never had. my father was abusive to my mother and three oldest boys. my younger brother somehow got off without abuse. there are many good men out there. good luck finding one.