was I wrong?

Question

recently I attempted to answer another users supposed question (though its more of a comment or a statement than a question, you be the judge) on yahoo answers. The question was "I have been thinking and dreaming about my mother who died 10 years ago and it is making me very sad right now". That was the totality of the question no additional details. In a good faith effort to help the user I replied "and your question is?" which garnered 5 negative ratings. Call me crazy but this is a Q & A site is it not? Additionally the user mentions his mother had passed away 10 years ago so its not like he hasn't had time to grieve so I
don't think that I was being insenseative by asking him what his question was . So why all the negative ratings?

I see your point in how some might have seen it as an attempt to gain a big whopping 2 whole points , but how else are you supposed to help someone who hasn't asked his question in such a manner so as to be clear as to what he wants help with!

Answer 1

In as much as you asked this in a psych section instead of a morals or values, or logic section, I'll offer a psych answer. You failed to mention if the asker was male or female. You also failed to mention if the neg responses came from men or women. Men tend to be more logic oriented. Women tend to be more emotion oriented. Neither is wrong or right, its just the way most (not all so don't bother writing back about how you are some sort of exception) folks are hard wired in some deep dark region of the brain. You took a logic based route. There is no question. That would tend to show you are male. The fact that it is an emotional issue and has no real question would tend to point to the asker being female. If you really have to ask what the question is, then something is wrong with you. Yes that sound crazy, just like "if you really loved me you would not have to ask". Those were to of my ex-wifes favorits. Women expect you to have womans intuition. You don't. Even women don't really have it. I my self tend to lean very heavy toward logic based thinking. It pisses people off to be confronted with facts. Especially if they are wrong and the ideas or theories they promote are way off from reality. So the next time you encounter a question that is more statement than question, move on or at least use your imagination. When some one askes an emotional question, without asking a question, you get lots of dramatic licence. That should be a rule. Or just skip it. I tend to skip. Not always, just mostly. Remember Im male so I TEND to be logic based. But I have a softer side. It TENDS to hide most of the time as I have little use for it.

case in point. A woman asked which would be the best way to go, she was parting with her boyfriend and had 2 kids by him. Should she let the kids visit him at his place or should she have him over to see them at her place. They (the to small children) were very young. I got a lot of crap because I took a logical tact. the reason for the split was that he was abusive in every way. My answer was to ask the question what kind of mother sends her two small children to a home to spend a weekend with a monster of a man who she was afraid of and would not dare go there her self? If is was not safe for her, how was it safe for them? If he was not fit for her to be around, why would she send her children over there? Further more why would she invite a monster into her home to see her kids? Why did she, after he beat her in front of the kids or otherwise, not call the cops and file a charge and get a conviction? In other words what was her problem? What did she find attractive about an abusive man that she lived with him and made 2 kids with him? I don't buy into the crap about how it all just happened one day out of the blue. She did not like being convicted of extreem stupidity, like that. It seems that others did not like my response either. I used logic in an emotional situation and it pissed a lot of people off. Don't worry about it. Get used to it. It will happen again. It would seem that emotion is the king right now. Its nice to know that there is some one out there that still has some feel for logic and fact rather than raw "feeling". I hope you continue to toss a bit of logic in the middle of the heart string pluckers. It helps keep some balance. So my long winded answer to your question, is an emotional one. It goes like this.

Thanks for your answer. Don't be shy about doing it again. A little "2 feet on the ground" is not a bad thing.

Answer 2

I completely understand both sides. I think you should have been more precise with your words. As for the person grieving... It truly is a horrible thing to go through. They may have blocked it out to ease the pain, and now it has resurfaced. There are still days where I feel like crap, and they will continue to pop up from time to time, because of how my mom died. The asker of the question was probably looking for some help... A shoulder to cry on, words of wisdom, to hear other peoples stories so they know they are not alone... It is only human to be this way.
CyberNara

Answer 3

I totally agree with you. There is a huge difference between a question and a statement. To try and give an answer to a statement would only be a guess as to what the question is.
I once answered such a statement with "To get a valid answer you must ask a valid question".
I have since refrained from trying to guess...and ignore those types of statements altogether.

Answer 4

I am not going to psycho-analyze you or them or us. You really did nothing wrong, but next time when you ask a question you should qualify with clarity, like, "Are you asking how I would feel if my mother died?" Answer: I don't know because it has not happened yet, but I am sure it will be devasting. Something along those lines. For some are looking to be consoled for their sorrows and or troubles and that is what humans are all about, we must help each other, and I for one rated your question a good question because it is good that you care enough to ask.

Answer 5

Yes indeed!He was in great misery and u sarcasted him by asking that. U should be more perfectionalist and try to think broadly before giving an answer. So U took the risk, paid the price and now ur 5 points are cut .So u got a good lesson!

Answer 6

I understand what you're saying, a lot of the questions submitted are far from a question. People post an opinion or observation and then look forward to feedback, not answers. I decided months ago to ignore them, I just move on to the next one and hope it's a question that makes sense.

Answer 7

an particularly ill mama canines is an particularly demanding situation. and that i understand your anger at a number of the solutions that you gained. that's conventional that you ought to favor to vent decrease back to those people a number of your anger and frustration. So, attempt to proceed to be calm and shop your concentration on your canines & domestic dogs. do not enable this cloud your real purpose - a healthful canines. And certain, i ought to like to entice close this result. Kudos to you on your quick action in worrying for 7 domestic dogs! it isn't difficulty-free! I desire that extra people ought to understand that there are circumstances that stump even the better of vets. at the same time as the calicum issue is the most consumer-pleasant with those indications, it isn't the absolutely reason. And your dedication to this canines and her domestic dogs is rather, very admirable. So, you comprehend that you're responding to this disaster contained in the proper way plausible. you're doing all you may do in an particularly confusing situation. enable God handle something else. Peace

Answer 8

Well technically, if this is a question and answer site, and you were the "answerer", you weren't really abiding by the rules either. You asked a question. You had thumbs down because you it would appear that you're being rude, and point gaming. Just my guess.

Answer 9

the questioner is sharing his thoughts and sadness on the net ....hopefully some one out can understand his feelings and help him to get by with a smile ...

Yes is a question and ans site but the rules are flexible ....not necessary there must a question to get an ans .....of coz the seriousness is needed ..

i guess the questioner is till feeling sad,dreaming of his late mum recently thats why till now as he cant let go ..It is hard to let go someone whom u loved soo much n is close to u ..the feeling is different ..but of coz the person need to get over it n carry on with his life.... but is not easy to do that ..n that person needs a lot of help from the ppl around him ..not easy to deal tis alone !.....In tis case he may not have some one close to talk too to relate his feelings so thats y he turn to the net .... so as an outsider we try to understand n help out in anyway we can ..

ppl rate u neg for a reason ..but since u r in tis site ..u shld also accept wats given to u ...as a experience learnt ....we are all learning each single day ..wat we ans may not be the best but at least we try to help out with sincerity ..

Life is short dont let tis affect u .....

cheers !

Answer 10

Take it with a grain of salt, and just think that not all people understand our motivations. Instead act and be gracious about it. Don't allow other people's behavior to pull you down. Only you, know yourself well. Behave like you used to, decent and of good breeding.