my husband, it seems, has always had a tendency to want to be alone, meaning, not spend as much time with his women as one would normally expect when you are in a relationship. this nature of his seems to have caused many of his past relationships to fail. after 8 years of marriage, (he claims this is a record for him - he has never been with anyone that long) he has become extremely moody, withdrawn and works late into the night. this has been going on for 4 months now. when i asked him to tell me what was going on, he said he needed me to leave him alone for some time. i can understand his need to deal with his issues on his own, but meanwhile it's really hurting me the way he pushes me away, and also driving me crazy (i think the stress is causing me to get a rash - the last time i had one was when i was a teen and really stressed out about school!) anyway, i need advice from people who have experienced something similar on how I can pull through this! need words of wisdom!!
2006-11-25 19:30:30 · 11 answers · asked by harleyq8 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow... i hate to say this, but it sounds like he may be doing drugs or abusing alcohol. youre probably like " this chick is crazy." but im telling you from experience. my boyfriend of six years is in rehab right now... everyone told me he was, but i refused to lesten. i asked him so many times and he denied it... i love him so i believed him. it wasnt until his 9th day in rehab, that he admitted to me that he had been doing drugs. isolation is a big rad flag... especially if its not something he use to do! addicts/alcholics learn to live by the 3 donts. 1- Dont talk 2- Dont trust 3-Dont feel.... thats why he can just walk away from you when you are really upset and just begging him to talk to you... do one thing for me.... go to an al-anon/nar-anon meeting. its for people whos lived have been effected by somone elses using. i dint think he had a problem, but when i went, everyone in there had a story JUST like mine, and i knew... it shows you that you arent alone though. it will show you a lot about yourself. just go to one meeting... i promise you wont regret it. let me know okay! just in case you dont follow my advice, try to remember three things for me okay? its the 3 c's 1- you didnt CAUSE him to act this way 2- you cant CONTROL the way he is acting 3- you cant cure it. Good luck! Let me know how it goes!
2006-11-25 20:14:51 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there are such people who want to be alone. BUT, you also have to make him realize that if he wants to continue YOUR relationship, the two of you have to interact. That's why you call it a relationship. (Of course, you have to do this carefully, in a nice way. The worst thing you could do at this point is to nag about it and drive him further away...) Find things that you both have an interest in... Make it a point to regularly spend some time together and just "talk". On the extreme, try joining him at whatever he's doing, if he'll allow it. Follow his schedule, etc...
It may also be a case where there's something you did or are doing that he disapproves of and thinks that you know that he does disapprove and you're not doing anything about it... (kind of confusing?!!) Or maybe you just like/want different things or are used to different ways...
Or, it may be that something dark and deep is really bothering him. If so, then ask him if he can share it with you so that you can share carrying the load... That's also what marriage is about...
Bottom line is, you've got to have a long talk about your situation (what's happenning) and where it's going...
2006-11-25 19:52:35 · answer #2 · answered by yellahfellah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is not normal, sorry. It sounds more like depression or cheating. I lean more towards depression since he is moody and withdrawn. It really, from what you have said, does not sound like cheating.
You both need to seek help, either alone or together. Your husband, by pushing you away, is denying you intimacy and isn't that really one of the building blocks of a successful marriage? Your hurt feelings are not going to go away without some help, nor should you have to keep them bottled up inside.
If he is depressed, you will need support, to support him, and he will need professional help for either medication or talk therapy. Either way, seeing someone can only help your marriage stay strong.
Good luck, by asking this question you have started on the right path.
2006-11-25 19:36:29 · answer #3 · answered by Star 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him a break. When he says he needs time on his own he probably means it. Women can be overpowering, domineering and hog all the emotional space. Let him go and get it out of his system. He needs the space because he is suffocating. He will be fine in a week or two. He sounds very similar to me. My cycle is about every two years so you are doing better than my wife.
2006-11-25 19:40:38 · answer #4 · answered by spils 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him that this marriage is not only about him. You need to tell him that while you understand that people go through things, that's why God created marriage. You don't have to go through things alone. Tell him that he would feel pretty darn crappy if YOU treated him this way. If he doesn't care- PRAY. Pray that something happens to show him how he's made you feel. Then, kindly, point out that this is how you felt- isn't it terrible? Maybe he'll get the idea.
2006-11-25 19:40:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You knew what you were getting into when you married this guy, you knew he had a tendency to be moody, to withdraw or be a workaholic. you knew his past relationships suffered; What ...did you think that by marrying him your persona would magically fix these tendencies?
As you can see he is regressing back to his old self, nothing any of us suggest will help, if you want to save this marriage you need to get him and you to see a psychologist, who might be able to get him out of his depression, or, he might be one of the millions who will forever need a medication like Lithium or Paxil to get them normal again...
2006-11-25 19:41:06 · answer #6 · answered by Pete 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop pushing, you KNEW from the beginning he was like this yet you married him anyway, either learn to live with him as he is as he told you he was BEFORE you got married or get a divorce, because if this was going to bother you, you shouldn't have married him in the first place.
2006-11-25 22:02:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex hushand was like that. He didn't want to spend anytime with me it was awful. It turns out the dog was cheating on me. Not saying this is your husband but something isn't right. Has your sex life decreased? Think of somethings to do to empower yourself and start making moves for a life of your own. I'm not telling you to leave your husband but we can still have our own lives and be with our men. Think about it he has his own life
2006-11-25 19:36:38 · answer #8 · answered by D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well he did say this was the longest he been in a relation ship so think about that talk to him and tell him u love him and dont want anything to change or just move out and go tot cort good luck
2006-11-25 19:36:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
give him all the space he needs . all the while your living your life . don't wait for him to change . after 8 years he still hasn't changed . it's time to move on .
2006-11-25 19:34:47 · answer #10 · answered by jason 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋