I have been remarried for 2&1/2 years and my husband is very kind and a good provider. He has a lot of insecurity issues and was heavily abused as a child. This causes him to be very passive and weak-acting. He suffocates me, won't give me any space for fear of losing me. I have 3 kids from my previous marriage and he has none, and he is very jealous of the closeness between my kids and I. He does everything he can to make me mad at them.
I am so upset and sad about this, I married him for the wrong reasons, it was all rebound stuff after my first marriage ended. I don't love him like a wife should love her husband, but I feel so sad for him and don't want to hurt him. But I don't think I can live being his wife. His insecurities push me away more and more! He deserves better but I can never be happy like this!
I'm also still madly in love with my ex-husband and would do almost anything to be with him.
My heart aches over this all of the time! Any sincere advice?
2006-11-25 19:07:44 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have both been in counseling for awhile now... we have made strides but I don't think we will ever be "ok" enough to make it as a couple!
2006-11-25 19:12:17 · update #1
You'll hurt him more by staying with him than leaving him. Be honest and loving. Tell him you made a mistake and that he's a wonderful person who deserves better. Suggest that he gets into counseling to help him deal with the loss.
2006-11-25 19:12:17 · answer #1 · answered by 2sweet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is obviously a reason you and your ex are not together, so you need to remember that. As far as your current husband, if there is any hope at all that you could or do love him look into counseling. He should also look into it too for his past issues. Is there an outside friend you can turn too to talk to? I really think that you need to figure out why you married him, if you did love him at one time and what has changed. But really look into the counseling. Because if you do leave him the counseling might be able to get him to a secure metal place for you to do that. Because if he is that needy, he wont let you go easily.
2006-11-26 03:21:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you do have a problem... Easier said than done, but, you need to stop trying to be a wife to someone you don't love as a husband.
Yes, It will be hard, but better now, before you have invested more time in a relationship that can not satisfy your needs.
Spend this time instead in pursuit of someone with who you can share your life and love. Someone NEW, because, an EX- is and EX for a good reason. At least thats been my experience.
Every time I have given an ex another shot, the sweet wears off quickly, leaving for me to re-examine as to why x is x and what would give me the idea that anything would be different.? Wish for true love.
2006-11-26 14:34:22 · answer #3 · answered by Mikez Bad Girl soCal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself and him a huge favour, leave the guy. Seriously, marriage without love is the worst of the worst. Plus you still think about your ex and said you'd do almost anything to be with him. For a starter, divorce your current husband and then you can go taste the water with your ex.
Your husband's issue is something you both need to work on with a counselor according to his childhood if you feels that you want to be with him anyway.
2006-11-26 03:11:27 · answer #4 · answered by Mumbling Girl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe this marriage is not solid, but going back to your ex hubby? you seriously are an idiot, hello, you divorced the guy once already. I had a fiance leave me for her ex hubby, even though he beat her,cheated on her,didn't work, and they hardly ever got along. She went back i believe of the foolishish assumption that they have kids together so it will work out. You sound like your a terrible wife and shame on you for marrying a guy you clearly knew you didn't love and are clearly gonna hurt again. imagine how he'll be once he finds out you left him for your ex? we're talking suicide here lady, you need counciling in the worst way as well as he. As for your ex,lady get over it, don't be another idiot and run back to the same old loser and allow your kids to see a truly dysfunctional relationship and mother.
2006-11-26 04:18:08 · answer #5 · answered by godzilla99s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Re read your own question here
You've answered your own problem
You are in a false relationship
You're living a lie and it will not bring anything but increased misery to you or the dude your with----quit now !!!
2006-11-26 03:22:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your heart is already telling you what to do. you are not in love with your husband. it isn't his fault if you fell into this relationship for the wrong reasons.rebounds do suck . the only course of action i can see for you is to separate from him. he will be crushed. but in order for you to move on you are going to have to do it on your own. i have faith in you! tell him how you feel...and tell your ex how you feel. you might be really surprised in how it turns out.
2006-11-26 03:13:53 · answer #7 · answered by beckdawgydawg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man, normally my answers are a little smart-allecky, but this is a sad, sad story. I don't have any advice, but I sure am sorry about your situation.
2006-11-26 03:18:50 · answer #8 · answered by Ari A 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling--I don't intend this to be mean, but seeing a counselor can help you
2006-11-26 03:10:39 · answer #9 · answered by discmiss1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave him , believe me there are a lot of gus out there !
2006-11-26 03:31:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋