Should my husband have told his children to include me?

Question

My stepson got my husband tickets to a ball game for his birthday
& invited all the other stepchildren & their wives but not me. He said he just wanted it to be him & his dad but when the others heard they invited themselves. I don't believe that...it was just a way to exclude me! I have been married to my husband for 15 years & they still don't accept me no matter what I do! What really hurt was that my husband didn't stand up for me...I'm not into sports & I didn't expect them to pay for my ticket (I would have), I just wanted to be invited(included!) It makes me feel that my husband doesn't believe Im part of this family either! But no matter how much I tell him it hurts that he didn't stand up for me, he just can't seem to understand what the big deal is! I sometimes wonder if he loves me!

Answer 1

But after 15 years, why are you still surprised or angry? I'd just assume 1- they'd never include me and 2-my husband wouldn't ask them to. I mean... 15 years?

Answer 2

I would be hurt and angry as well! You husband may truely believe that your son had intended the gift to be for him and his family. OR your husband may feel torn and in any situation- a parent will choose their children. I would question the fact of how the others invited themselves and than got seats with your husband. That doesn't make sense at all- if they bought the tickets after the first step-son- they would have gotten seats farther away from your husband. Just a thought! You should give yourself a day at the spa or something like that when they go to the game. Invite some girls over and drink and have fun. Think of it as time to figure out if your marriage is worth saving. But enjoy yourself. Good luck with this!

Answer 3

If the rest of them were going, most definitely they should have included you. Since it did not turn out to be dad and son alone, it is not necessary that your stepson should have invited you. Your husband could have easily asked you if you wanted to join them since the rest of them were going too. It was very bad on his part to leave you out. Tell him you are very hurt by it. Some men can be numb sculls and things like this may not strike them. If so, he can always say that he did not think of it and assure you or console you that he will remember next time or make sure you aren't left out. But if he is going to say that he doesn't understand what the big deal is. He can stuff it! I am sorry! Looks like he doesn't place you in his life where you should be....right on top!

Answer 4

I empathize with you...and so should your husband. In my opinion, there is never a time when ones spouse has an issue that is serious to them, that it is not a big deal. I would not go so far as to say that he does not love you, but he is certainly lacking lacking in good judgment. If the shoe was on the other foot I feel his thoughts would be the same as yours.
It probably hurts more that he joins with them to leave you out than the children. He is insensitive and after 15 years of marriage I would have the same doubts as you.
I would sit with him one final time on the issue and let him have it straight between the eyes. I would let him know exactly how you feel and how you feel betrayed by him and his lack of attention to your feelings. His actions has made you doubt his love and has truly put a stigma in the bond of your relationship.

Answer 5

Your husband absolutely should have stood up for you and your feelings, and should have done this well before 15 years! He chose to marry you - he should also have chosen to integrate you into the family, thereby letting his kids know that you were now an important part of his life. We don't get to choose who our step-parents are, nor do we get to chose who our step-kids are, we accept them if we want to continue to be a part of the life of the person who made the choice. My fiance' has 6 kids, I have 5 - it's tough to integrate the two families. It's something that we have to work on every day, and at first he didn't understand how something as simple as him going to lunch with one of his kids without my having been invited could hurt my feelings so much - but some long heart to hearts (and I don't mean one or two of them) and he finally has it (I think). He was just invited to Thanksgiving dinner at his kids' house (I was not) where his ex would be as well. He declined saying that he has chosen to spend the rest of his life with me, therefore he wasn't spending a holiday without me.

Answer 6

That sounds wrong on a whole lot of levels. I would ask him and everyone else in that situation why they have something against you. If they do, they should say something rather than hurting your feelings for years to come and you never finding out why in the first place. Tell ol' boy husband to start standing up for you when it comes to these get-togethers that you aren't part of.

Answer 7

Well of course your husband did the right thing he Included you in the family get together. You have a true husband and he loves you with all his heart to include you not exclude you from his family. Give him a great big hug tonight and tell him how much you appreciate what he has done.

Answer 8

i totaly understnad my friend. you feel like a stranger outside looking into the window of a family affair . you could said thats ok. and don't let them know it hurts . it might be the kid's way of getting a dig on you . if you say that s ok. i have plans of my own . even if you don't make them think you do . if anyone ask just say. why should i tell you ? you'r going to be busy anyway and not let them see you are disapointed ., my x used to do the same with me when it came to holiday's. i can remember one time his mother told him i wasn't welcome over for x mas . so he made an excuse to be with mommy , while i was home alone . thinking he was working on the rental house . he enjoyed the day with his mommy and i had cold spaghiti . for christmas dinner . later i found out his mommy dearest introduced him to another lady, and was sneaking her to mommys home so they could be together .. so heads up honey. don't let them know it hurts . do the reverse thing like they do on kid's . might change things . or you could kind of do the same to them . take him to a surpised place for a dinner without the kids and say toNight we leave the phones off. {cell phones } AND JUST THE TWO OF US BE TOGETHER . SEE HOW THEY LIKE THAT . it could add spark back into your life . tell him how much you love him , or just rent a room for the night for the two of you . just to get away from the family. its worth a try . don't tell him till you are ready to go . maybe tell him you want to go for a ride just the two of you to get out and do something alone . got the idea dear ???

Answer 9

Aside from being rude like everyone else and inviting yourself, this is a situation where you where noone was invited, so dont feel bad.
Everyone else invited themselves to a day that his son wanted it to be just himself and his father.

Answer 10

Wow, I hear you.
As long as you are not the uncivil troublemaker my father's wife is, I agree with you.
You sound too-nice, like I used to be. You have put up with this for 15 years, and there is little likelihood that it will change.
How much are you willing to fight for self-respect, at this late stage in the game?
What consequences are you willing to give him for his repeated trampling of your heart?
Can you support yourself if he escalates this and you break up? No, I'm serious.You've let it go on for too long.
Good luck!