Why do I feel this way (NOT a teen romance story!)?

Question

By most accounts, I have had an easy life. I'm 16, and the only bad thing in my life is some mommy issues, but even that isn't exactly "crippling". I have never even broken a bone.

Sometimes when I talk to people, they start telling me their sad stories about life. Really crappy stuff that I have no experience with. I can't really relate to anyone's story, and I just feel like it prevents me from being comforting to the sad person. It bugs the hell outa me!

Afer situation like that, I sometimes wish I had some kind of tragic flaw in my life, just so I could relate to people better. It seems irrational, but I almost feel kinda 'empty', like sorrow is a facet of life I have not yet truly experienced.

Is it completely irrational and wrong for me to wish for my life to have an element of great sadness? It seems that way to me, and yet I can't help the way I feel.

Answer 1

Good question. I can definitely feel you on not really having much trauma in life.

For me, I find that if I try to put myself in someone else's shoes, I'm not going to feel much empathy. I simply can't say to someone, "Yeah, life sucks, but take it from me it can get better." And, quite frankly, while it might help them to know that other people have suffered trauma and come out all right, I don't think that if I had the background to say that I would be doing much good.

What I try to do is listen. I've found that I can empathize with quite a lot by forgetting about myself and my history, and just listening to someone else's. I can't situate other people's experiences within my own history most of the time, but I sure as heck can give them my full attention and take a brief glimpse of the world through their eyes.

I also think that having someone actively listening to you rather than taking your experience and trying to fit it within the framework of their life is a much more healing and beneficial experience for both parties. The person with the problem feels truly heard, and the person listening ends up empathizing much more.

Of course, your mileage may vary (everyone is different), but I think that an active listener who has never had trauma rear its ugly head in their life is going to be far more helpful for both sides than someone who has had a terrible life and can sympathize. Sympathy, in my experience, is practically worthless next to empathy (not that empathy is necessarily easy to achieve, of course).

Answer 2

my dear young sweet soul-there is nothing wrong with you except having such a big warm heart that's full of compassion.I'm not gonna give you a BS answer and tell you to ignore other people's agonies.or teach you fake sympathy..there's already a thousand practitioners of that "cult".

One of the best things you can do is just be there for them and listen and just tell them frankly yet gently that it's hard to imagine the pain they're presently suffering-for you are young and yet to experience all the sorrows and evils of the world.Most times,they'll respond by realising your honest wisdom with a smile and sometimes even apologize for laying such a responsibility upon you!

The most common(most stupid,actually)mistake that fake people say is "I know EXACTLY how you feel".If my gf died in a car accident and I WAS DRIVING,how the FUDGE could you "EXACTLY" feel the HELL I'm going through,right now?"

Honesty will always be what they want to hear not some BS t-shirt wisdom they picked up from some stupid TV "reality" show.but you have to realise,no matter how much you try-some people will be so deep in sorrow,they won't even hear anyone else's words except the wailing woes in their heart!Never think you can save everybody-".yer not Superman u know"

I believe you are one of those 'real life' angels here on earth for a purpose(don't worry,they already have a teenager on "HEROES" who'll do that savin' the world routine,LOL)coz at your age where other girls are more concerned about not being to update the songs on their iPODs or not looking skanky enough coz somehow they got this idea somewhere that's d'best way to get noticed by guys or whatever- "enlightened souls" such as you are more concerned about the spiritual welfare of others instead of wasting time on superficiality and materialism.

relax.Just be yourself.I'm not saying you're gonna get a sign like the biblical burning bush or your diet coke turning into wine,but 'it' will come and you will know what to say or do the next time.Trust yourself!

now if we only have more young people like you....then our struggle in spreading love,peace,understanding and NOT WAR...would be a wee bit easier...;o)

Answer 3

That's is perfectly normal!! To have a wish of having a flaw in your life means that you're still normal mate. What you should do is, go outdoors, surfing, go to beaches, go mountain climbing with your familys or friends, or maybe you want to consider looking fo a girlfriend. Though, don't let it all out yet, you still have to be in control of your mind k? And just do your best at school and get yourself a university life, and I'm sure you'll forgot all that

Answer 4

Just be careful what you wish for, you might get more than you could ever handle! Being that you're 16...you're biggest moments in life are yet to come! First job, first car, moving out, graduating, living on your own, girlfriend problems. Sit tight....your "hard times" will surely come. There is not one person on this planet who has never been through hard times.

J

Answer 5

not at all..i sometimes feel the same way..going thru tough situations only makes a person stronger..but when you havent been thru any traumatic experiences..it almost feels like your weak in a way and havent really experienced life in the fullest..i wouldnt worry..i feel like that especially when it comes to me acting..i dont know how to be sad on cue because i havent really been through a depressing time in my life..however if i were you i would just comfort people and give a shoulder to cry on..be greatful you dont have too many bad memories

Answer 6

I dont think it is wrong. i think that u just want some action in your life, and just wanna break the rules. i feel that a lot. it is okay to do it a little, but dont go overboard. dont go do a crime or hurt someone or have sex or something. do something small, to get u out of this phase, but not that much!

Answer 7

dont say that.u wouldnt wanna go through wat they r goin through.im 16 and i sometimes wish for stuff like that too happen so i can get sad and tell ppl wat happened and get ppls attention.its so stupid trust me.when sometimes the smallest thing happens i freak and it feels terriable to go through it.so dont wish anythind bad upon urself.u'll feel crappy one day.i mean i hope not but it happens.