Why do I feel bad for what my husband did?

Question

Hey guys, I posted yesterday about my hubby who is obviously up to something. ( cheating, lying and betraying me)
I talked with my parents about it and they have enough, they told me to end it before its to late.
But can anyone tell me why I feel so bad and depressed? I am crying all the time and feel like a piece of ****. My emotions just change all the time, one moment I am strong enough to move on and the next moment I dont want to. We have no kids yet, only a dog and I couldnt take her with me because my parents landlord doesnt accept dogs and I dont want to give the house up. I love our dog and it hurts to know I might have to give her up.I know when I close the door now there is no return and I am not sure if I am ready for it but on the other hand I am tired of him lying and betraying me. Its killing me. I dont know what to do anymore, I wish I wouldnt wake up anymore.Its crazy!

Thats the post from yesterday.
My husband and I are married for 2 years now. The marriage wasnt always easy and we had many setbacks but I always thought we worked it out. Anyways I had to work overseas for a while, due to my job. My hubby is in the military and just got deployed to Iraq before I came home, but we talked everyday and even so sometimes I had a weird feeling I believed him when he told me everything was ok. Short and painless.I found some things out: He met another girl while I was gone, found that out because he forgot to delete his msg on msn. When I asked him he tried to hide it in the beginning but then admitted it but said nothing happened and avoids this subject now. He bought a laptop,was hiding the bill and took it with him. He signed up on several online dating sites, etc. He didnt paid the bills, left me with nothing in the house..even the phones were turned off. I am a little confused and shocked, but he still insists everything is ok.

Its not the first time he lied..when we first started dating I found out by myself he was married before and has a child. He didnt tell me, I found the divorce papers in his house. I always had to pay his bills because he never took care of it. I told him at that point if he wouldnt change I would leave him but somehow he always made me feel guilty for thinking that. The last 2 years have been really rough cause he just cant take any responsibilties. I know I made mistakes too but at least I was always honest to him. I dont know why he is always hiding things or lying. He makes me feel belittled and since I am back the house just doesnt feel like my home anymore.

Answer 1

I am sorry. I really feel bad but my advice is leave the dog there for a while and when you can find a good place you can take her with you. And about your husband he is a jerk and you shouldn't care about him. Move on in your life and I am sure there are thousands of men out there who will respect a loyal and loving women like you. Don't let anybody hurt your self esteem, not even yourself. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL WOMEN WHO DOESN'T NEED A S*H*I*T LIKE YOUR HUSBAND TO LIVE.

Answer 2

Hi
i didn't read what you posted yesterday.
I dont know how long you are married or how old you are.
everybody has marrital problems of some kind.
I don't know why you feel like a piece of******.
You are evidently feeling a sense of rejection which is
normal under the circumstances.Perhaps your parents
are right.Still only you know how strong weak your
marital relationship is.understanding and forgiving is a
vital aspect in marriage.But if you are convinced he is
not interested in youand you both are wavelengths
apart there is no reason why you shouldn't call it a day!
If not bearing a child is the problem between you two
you both must take medical advice and also try
councelling to save your marriage.Yet you also have to
sure yourself that your problem is not due to your
vague suspicions or possesiveness..
All said and done If you really feel you both atr a
mismatch there is no reason why you shouldn't call it
quits.May be your parents are right.And may be you are
right too that you can't take it any more.
In any case giving in to depression is not going to help
you and is also not a responsible thing to do.
To be happy is your birth right.and to deserve that you
have to be strong minded becapable of taking bold
decisions and lead life with a sense of purpose.
Feeling one moment this and next moment that is
no way .You can feel helpless only if you allow yourself
to feel so.Dammit it is your life that is important.
What the heck is all this raving about your dog I wonder!

Answer 3

You're feeling bad because you've finally started to realize that your husband wasn't the person you thought he was. This, in turn, has you feeling as though you aren't good enough for him, which makes you want to try harder. I know it hurts, but your parents are right sweetie. You deserve better than this, you know it, so in your strong moment, you are going to need to take some action. Cry at mom and dad's house later. As for the dog, dont let him keep your dog. Find a friend who can take him for the time being, or at least until you can find a place of your own.

Or, option 2, would be to file for divorce when you are in a strong moment and have his stuff packed at the door when he gets home. Tell him it's over, tell him you know what he's been doing and you aren't putting it up with it anymore. let him go back to his parent's house. Who says you have to leave? It's your house too honey. You do have options and if you retreat back to mom and dad's, you are only going to feel more defeated in the long run. However, if you stay, kick him out, it's going to empower you and give you the strength you need.

I wish you well.

Answer 4

I understand. My ex husband cheated on me but looking back I honestly can't blame him. I was not the greatest wife in the world. It is up to you whether you want to leave him or not. Think of the famous Ann Landers question "will I be better off with or without him" I take alot of the blame for my marriage failure but he also lied & everytime he did a piece of my heart got crushed. 10 years later I can't fully trust someone, but if it was a 1 time thing, maybe you could work at it. Your family will know the circumstances better than anyone, so listen to the one who is the most level headed. Good luck PS morena is right about not having children with him because he would bleed you dry emotionally for the rest of your life

Answer 5

you need to find the strength deep inside you to leave him. and yes, you do have that strength, just posting this shows that it's there no matter what you think about yourself.
I think in situations like this we find it easier to blame ourselves for all that's fallen apart rather than blame someone else. But blame isn't the important thing here. The important thing is that you need to do this for yourself because you're being hurt, and the longer you wait, the worse it'll be. You need to reach in and find that strength deep in your heart. You can do it.
Maybe you could take the dog with you and give it to some friends to watch until you can figure out something better.
I wish you the best of luck! Blessings, D

Answer 6

If hes making you feel that way theirs no use thinking hes going to make feel any better If your with him. You should wright down all the good things and all the bad you had with him.And see what out ways the most. Make a Chang on how you think. Get those bad images out of your head. keep yourself occupied and get out of that mind set of depression. I know its easier said then done but you have to start some where. Pray so that god can full fill that emptiness in side of you. I wish you the best of luck getting over this.

Answer 7

The one thing you need to and have to consider is what if your wrong?? You say you have talked to your mom and dad but have you talked to your husband?? He is the only one that knows the answer to his behavior.. I'm sure if you sit down with him intent on finding a real solution that the both of you can agree on then the answer will be there.. I know it's hard to have to sit around thinking the worst all the time and never finding any peace but until you two talk peace and closure won't be found... I realize mom and dad might have your best interests in mind but the ultimate decision is yours... Good luck

Answer 8

but we do wake up and we do have to make decisions, it hurts because u trusted him with your heart and he betrayed it.but we have no control or say in what other's do. none of us like changes, or having to give up animal's we love, but for your own sanity, u can't go on like this, have u confronted your husband with what u know. has he responded by being remorseful, or has he lied, or worse has he admitted it and told u to move on? depends alot on a person's response. u need to bring your pain in the matter out in the open. yes it is much easier to get out of a bad marriage before u have kid's, if u have kid's your sort of tied to that person forever and sometimes it's just one bitter fight. talk to him, and wait and see what he says, if he has one ounce of love and respect for u he will be sorry, if not than u must move on and leave the marriage, cause it isn't really a marriage if he doesn't value you.

Answer 9

Your not crazy. You have invested so much of your heart in your marraige. You mourn for what could have and should have been. What you really want is for him to love you like you deserve and it really hurts that he doesn't. I went through all of that and for awhile you will be on that rollercoaster of feeling strong and certain your doing the right thing and then feeling bad and depressed. It will get better in time. What won't get better is if you stay. All you would be doing is postponing what you are going through right now not preventing it. You deserve better than a man who lies to you and betrays you.

Answer 10

well, i do understand where your coming from. You've giving your heart to this man, and he goes and does something horrible and yet you cant leave him because you've already invested so much time, energy, and love in to the relationship. You know you would be happier if you left him and everything just blows over and you start a new. But it isn't that simple. My best advice would be to find someone you can talk, and relate to. You will see it makes your outlook more clear and it helps get you to bed at night. I promise.