we went to counseling. He has just gotten more possessive and jealous. Now at Christmas,he tells me he wants a divorce.I've done everything he has asked. I thought we were doing fine. I went out with some of my girlfriends. He said it was ok. Our agreement was that I would be readily available by my cell and I was. I had nothing to hide and was showing him pictures I took of me and my friends and he saw that I danced with some guys . I wasn't trying to hide anything. It's almost been three years and I thought he was ok with us. I love to dance and am very outgoing and he is a real homebody. I really crave just plain ole' honest fun interaction with my friends. He says he still loves me but he can't trust me. I'm heartbroken. I want this marriage so much.
2006-11-25 15:35:19 · 34 answers · asked by wonder woman 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You sent him pics of guys you were dancing with and now you're wondering why he can't trust you? What did you expect? You cheated on him in the past and now he sees you with other guys and even though you think you were doing "okay" apparently he hasn't really gotten over it. Whatever trust was rebuilt was obviously very fragile and little things like this will easily undermine it. Unfortunately, as much as you want this to work, it will be up to him to decide if he wants to stay in the marriage or not and it looks like he already made his choice.
2006-11-25 15:47:28 · answer #1 · answered by jdhs 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
You cheated on him once and it takes a lot and I mean a lot to get that trust back IF ever. You say you are the out going type of person and he is the homebody type. Well I guess being out with your friends was more important than being home with your husband, where you should have been in the first place. If he meant so much to you, would it have killed you to start staying home with him. Your friends seems to be first in your life instead of your husband. You are getting what you deserve since you have picked your friends over him.
My husband did me the same way as you are doing your husband. You know a person can only take so much crap from the one they love before they can't take it any longer. Once they get their gut full of it, it is over. I gave mine many chances to get his act together and stop acting the fool. Did he, oh for awhile and then went right back to his old crap again. I left him!! Don't get me wrong, I loved him very much and still do, but he just pushed me too far. You really never know what you have until you don't have it any more. So you can't blame any body for this except for your self. Oh by the way, when I left mine...that is my wake up call to him. If he ever decides that he does want to get his act together and stop acting the fool, and can prove that to me, I might take him back..MIGHT. Oh and for a finial note...THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR CHEATING!!!
2006-11-25 16:08:15 · answer #2 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Once you've been cheated on you can forgive but you can never forget and trust is very hard to rebuild. If you really wanted to make this relationship work you never should have started going out with your friends again. Your showing that you still put yourself first instead of the relationship. I'm sure he feels it will be just a matter of time before you cheat again. Sorry to say this but I think you blew it and I can't blame him. I know exactly how he feels. My first husband cheated, we tried to save our marriage but after awhile the cheating started up again. My hubby was like you where I'm more like your hubby. I am a homebody and with his constant partying it was obvious that our marriage didn't come first.
2006-11-25 15:45:07 · answer #3 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It isn't good for any relationship to have the husband or wife going out and friends to bars, night clubs, etc. On top of this you were dancing with other guys. Put your husband first or get a divorce. You can't have both and be happily married, so give him the divorce and dance your heart away.
2006-11-26 00:52:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage ended when you cheated on him. That was the price you paid for being with another man. You've only been fooling yourself.
The truth is that he cannot trust you and your behavior is showing him that you are very close to cheating on him again. His being with you is pointless. One day, probably sooner than later, one way or another, you will just be gone. If you have kids together, this will be major disaster. If you don't, he is thinking to himself, you know what, screw this. With 90% of the women out there I can have a good, loving, stable marriage that has a real future. Why am I wasting my time.
2006-11-25 15:44:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
my husband cheated on me with a coworker for 8 months, long drawn out relationship type of affair, but no matter that he wants to be back with me, is very sorry and is committed to do anything to keep the marriage, i know i will never be able to trust him again. for me, once the vows of marriage are broken, i dont think for me they can be mended. perhaps your husband thought he could handle it better and if you really care about him and want to work this out, its obviously causing him emotional pain when this happens, so why dont you give up going out dancing with your friends until he is comfortable with it, do something with him, or do something that he feels comfortable with. after all you did hurt him, the marriage, his pride, etc. so you should, if you want to work this out and feel it can be done, stay at home with your man.
2006-11-25 16:05:38 · answer #6 · answered by hamhead 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we all have to give up certain things in life to make the person we love happy and to feel secure.....
You can't blame him for not trusting u after u cheated on him in the first place.....maybe u think hes over it but fact shows that deep down it stills hurt him to know that the person closest to him has hurt him so much and he might not want to take that chance of getting hurt all over again so he jus finds the easy way out....
In marriage a major part is trust and understanding.....
2006-11-25 15:45:46 · answer #7 · answered by tutsie 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It takes time. My husband (not at the time) cheated on me. I was heart broken but I learned to trust him again. It took all he had to make it better. I am a homebody. My husband just left for the bar. I know he told me he would be home in an hour but I know it will be more like when the bar closes and sends him home. You just have to learn to compromise. Cheating hurts. He will come around. Just give him no reason to not trust you.
2006-11-25 15:43:11 · answer #8 · answered by Hello!!! 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You need to get a clue. Why should he feel good about you dancing with other guys? What did you think his reaction would be? You didn't do anything special by showing him that pic. All you did was make him distrust you more. Can't say I blame him because you don't sound as though you want this marriage to work at all.
2006-11-25 15:52:51 · answer #9 · answered by Leila G 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I know this isn't what you want to hear I wish it could be different but...
He just can not get over it...that happens and I am sorry the mistake was a turn out like this but you should let him go...I was cheated on in my marriage and could NEVER get over it everyday was a reminder of what he did to us. Yes I still Loved him but it was more painful to be there knowing this when he layed beside me and ooooooooh when he touched me for 2 years it made me sick so I had to go. I am sorry again I just know how it feels and it's hard. It's a curse that you can not let go of I TRIED SO hard to but it just wouldn't go away so I left.
2006-11-25 15:43:04 · answer #10 · answered by ~Another Day~ 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋