Do you think my son would feel like an outcast for not celebrating Christmas?

Question

I happen to be Atheist so the holiday holds no spiritual significance to me, but that's not even the real reason I want to stop celebrating Christmas. I think it teaches people wrong things. I teaches them to be materialistic and greedy, it turns gift giving (supposed to be a from the heart act of kindness) into an obligation, and on the flip side, receiving them an expectation or entitlement just because.
Needless to say these are not values I want my son to be initiated into.

I always remember growing up how my peers would always ask me what I got for Christmas, and we would start listing off our inventory.

Do you think my son will feel like an outcast when this day comes and all he can say is we don't really celebrate Christmas?

Do you have any suggestions on how we can still celebrate Christmas without teaching him bad ideas?

Don't get me wrong, I love the season... snowmen, sleigh rides, santa claus, etc... just not the shopping malls. :/

I'm not trying to torture my son, I'm trying to instill good values. Someone said he'd have tears in his eyes when he says "I got nothing for Christmas", but how is that much different from kids these days who have tears in their eyes because their parents didn't "love" them enough to buy them a $400 PS3, or whatever the lastest shallow novelty is, when other children are living in shelters for crying out loud...

which reminds me, I love all the ideas about charity.

I love gifts that are handmade because handmade things truly ARE from the heart and take thought, but I don't know what would suit a small child like that.

Also, I am not CHEAP. If you knew me in real life, you'd realize that I'm the kind of person who would rather go on trips around the world than have a shiny new car. Just because I'm not materialistic doesn't make me cheap.

I value EXPERIENCES not having material crap that just collects dust in a room.

Answer 1

Discuss your issues with your son, but also tell him its a season of giving and helping.. Tell him its not getting thats important but giving.. So his gift to another child is a lesson in sharing.. Take him to a homeless kitchen if he is old enough
If he is tiny, have him make a craft to share with someone.. Have him pick out a can of food that you can both go to the shelter and give.. have him gather up all old toys and clothing he doesnt need or can wear and box it up, put a ribbon on it and deliver it to the shelter. Have him put pennies in Santas pail (the salvation army dudes).. all this teaches sharing, giving, compation.. it doesnt have to be religious at all.. But those are ideas during this time you can do together (just be sure that he is aware you can and should do these all times, not just during December) .. I myself am muslim, but I do try to give my children a worldly view of everything..

Answer 2

I happen to think that you have a pretty great idea there. Explain to your son that the day isn't for just getting gifts. Maybe plan to bake stuff together, or do other Christmasy activities, such as sleigh rides, and even setting up the tree. Do everything the same, just exclude the gifts. Between the fun you will have together and the dinner you will enjoy, if you still make it fun and entertaining, he might not miss the gifts as much. As for feeling like an outcast, he may have some trouble with it at first, but explain to him that lots of other people celebrate the holidays differently or sometimes not at all. When he gets older, he will realize that you have instilled some important values. Good for you, Mom!

Answer 3

If you wish to instill values with your son, don't take the holiday from him. Still get him small gifts and one major thing he wants. But before Christmas, have him gather up all the toys he no longer plays with that are in good condition and take them to a shelter for homeless children. Volunteer your time at a shelter for neglected or abused children. Give something back, and then he'll see the true meanig of Christmas which I think isn't Jesus or Santa. It's about being kind to your fellow man which isn't any core religious foundation. It's just good will

Answer 4

I am a Christian, and I do not celebrate christmas. I do believe in his birth, death, and resurrection. Yes, the season teaches all that you have stated. If your son receives gifts such as he would receive on the holiday what exactly does he need to celebrate anyway? After-all who's birthday is it anyway? I use to celebrate the holiday when my child was very young by the time he was seven I stopped. He never went without when it came to toys. Now he's 19 and neither one of us has any regrets. Children aren't young very long and when they grow up they will respect their parents for being real.
Your child will feel a little different from other kids, no way of changing that. You have the task of convincing him that he isn't missing out on anything real. As for a different way to celebrate, there isn't one that I know of, you either do it, or you don't, best wishes.

Answer 5

Feel free to pick and choose which traditions you'd like to uphold. If you like the tree and ornaments but dislike the Nativity, go with what you feel comfortable with. If you want to stress giving more than receiving, how about volunteering, or teaching your son by donating toys and clothes to charities. Have him help you take food to a local food bank. Bake some cookies together and leave them on neighbors' doorsteps anonymously. Explain that Christmas is about giving and doing good for the people around you.

And yes, once he starts school he will feel left out if he gets no gifts from you or from Santa Claus but all his friends do. Sorry, that's how kids are. Doesn't mean you have to get him presents, though. In my city, we have plenty of Christians whose denominational doctrines seem to forbid gift-giving at Christmas. These kids don't get made fun of, but they are at least taught about the spiritual significance of Christmas, so they have SOMETHING that makes the holiday season special.

If you do decide to give gifts, explain that you do it to be kind, not to get something in return. You can keep it within the immediate family only, and you can get practical things like clothes, or inexpensive things. And don't let shopping malls stop you. That's what amazon.com is for.

Answer 6

I agree with everything you are saying 1000% except one little thing. Once the holiday break is done and everyone is back in school the first conversation that kids will have is 'what did you get?' And all of the philosophy in the world will not make his holiday seem cool to the other kids, that could un-do all that you are working towards.

I recommend, volunteer some time somewhere, soup kitchen, toys for tots, etc. Have a nice dinner, go over all that you believe, and when you get home have waiting there the one thing he wants super bad.

He'll go back to school a happy hero.

Answer 7

Remember your childhood excitement. Don't steal that from him. If you want to make a difference, buy him gifts and buy toys for donation, you can give them together. On Christmas day, take him to a shelter and help feed the homeless. The season is about giving. Teach him that. But, he's still a child and deserves that excitement with gifts for himself. Don't be selfish because you've changed your views. You'll have a depressed child.

Answer 8

for a child, yes, it will be difficult because at his age he may not grasp your reasons for not celebrating. what you can do together is learn how other cultures celebrate (many don't exchange extravagant gifts) like Kwanzaa, etc. and experience it for yourselves. You can also ask him to help you pick out gifts for children less fortunate than he who may not get gifts this year. you need to think this out well before acting on it. if you really want your son to learn a lesson this holiday you have to have a well thought out plan so he understands your concerns and it doesn't seem as though he is being denied something fundamental. that means you will have to come up with creative ideas to express the "meaning" of the holiday season which can be difficult b/c it is something intangible. talk to him about what he thinks the holiday season represents so you can get a sense of what his perspective is. the problem i see here is that you want to enjoy all the amenities of Xmas like the trees, the caroling, Santa Claus etc. except you want to cut out the presents which i think misses the whole point.

Answer 9

Teach him to give gifts from the heart and that it is better to give than to receive. Personally, I like givinig gifts more than I like getting them. It's fun to watch someone open a gift that you took a lot of time to pick out. I've always been like this. Don't know why. Also, you might see if there is a toy drive in your community and take your son shopping to pick out a few things for someone who is less fortunate. If you can afford it, adopt a family or get a group of friends together to do that. Bake goodies to share with your friends and neighbors. Just try to show him how much fun giving is and that giving is itself a reward.

Answer 10

I understand exactly what you are saying and I totally agree with you about the giving and getting thing. Tell your son that the only way he gets a present is if he shows that he deserves it ( his grades, and behavior). Parents are buying hundreds of dollars worth of toys and games for their kids that don't deserve it. Some kids are selfish and don't think about nobody but themselves on Christmas. I'm 13 years old and I always make things for my family to give to them on Christmas. I always think of everybody else. Why should these kids that are unappreciative get these presents when kids across the world can't get any food. Christmas is not really a christian thing because Jesus was not even born December 25. My momma tells me some years that she can't get me anything for Christmas and she's very sorry. I tell her that it's OK. Our parents buying food, clothes, giving us a place to live, and paying the bills is enough presents that we get all year long and we should apprenticing that. I love when people make things for me instead of buying it.