Anyone with serious answer...Need your advises!!?

Question

I have 2 friends, 1 man and 1 lady. We are really good friends. All of us are married and having kids too. We are in our late 30's. Recently, my gf told me something out of my expectations. She and that male friend fall for each other without their spouses knowing for nearly 3 years already. But both of them love and care for each other feelings very deeply but are controlling themselves to have any physical mean for each other.And both of them really felt so much for each other. They both are afraid to hurt their spouses and family which they still love and have responsibility for them. They ask me for opinions. Oh my! I think I am blank of this. Please give me some ideas what or how should I
advises them.Both of my friends are really very nice ppl.

Answer 1

To me the answer already exists....quoted "they both are afraid to hurt their spouses and family which they still Love" .....and that's obvious they have not slept together...this is a lust...what if...thing.
The best answer for this is
Tell them they have to understand that it's human and natural to have feelings for others and commend them on their infidelity.Tell them that you yourself can not answer this and feel good about it and that they would need to really think about their pro's and con's as there is alot at stake. Sometimes we tend to "fairy tale things" where they look better and the grass is always greener on the other side. Me myself would fear that if I left all my family for this scenario that the other or possibly myself could do this to them or it be a regret. This sounds like a lust more than a yearn of I HAVE to be with this person like I said.
Maybe they need to stay away from each other for a bit to gain a better perspective and get a hold of their true responsibility's...you know?

Answer 2

this is a hard one but you really need to be honest with them both. Some time we have friends to be able to talk to and the problem is that we talk to them about anything and everything and they do not judge us and they listen and guess what happens we start to feel some thing more for each other but at the same time we have are own family's that we love so much and care for and we do not want to leave them but your friend
you also feel so close to. Here is what you do at one at of time maybe like your girl friend have her alone and be really honest to her and say your husband ask me if you are cheating and tell her that you are thinking about it and see how she acts do it for a few mins, and see how she reacts then tell her that is was a test but what if you do get caught you loose everything and for him too. Then there worlds will be so different and they maybe so stressed out that what was so nice is kind of gone. They should split up and get to what made them so happy people HOME.

Answer 3

There is a country song that explains this very nicely:

Now I ain't sayin' that lookings a crime, I done my share from time to time.
It don't mean that you gotta take that leap.
There's a price for every PROMISE YOU DON'T KEEP!

Then what? Whatcha gonna do, when the new wears off and the old shines through, and it ain't really love, and it ain't really lust, and YOU AIN'T ANYBODY ANYBODY'S GONNA TRUST?

Then what? Where ya gonna turn, when you can't turn back for the bridges you burned, and FATE CAN'T WAIT TO KICK YOU IN THE BUTT? Then what?


You friends may thing they have feelings for each other right now, but it is a recipe for disaster. They are messing with more than their own lives. THey made a promise to keep forever... which doesn't seem to hold a lot of weight these days but, what kind of person do they want to be? The kind that only thinks of themselves, or some one you can trust and count on?

Answer 4

This is always a really sticky situation.

First I would have to ask them if it is each other they are in love with or the idea of each other. They both have kids with their spouses I assume and that would be really horrible for a child's family to be torn apart if they don't truly want to make it work.

If they answer that they do need and love each other and are willing to work hard to make their commitment to each other work then they need to be honest completely with their spouses who are really the wronged people in all of this. They don't love their spouses if they can't respect them enough to not have an emotional and/or physical affair.

To be honest it sounds as though your friends aren't asking you what to do, but are seeing if you will acknowledge them as a functioning couple. But they aren't one when they can't be honest to the people in their lives(their families, friends, current spouses, and children).

If it ends up that they do decide to try their relationship by divorcing their spouses they need to explain the situation to their own children. It shouldn't be left to the spouse that was betrayed, because they have already had their trust annihilated and shouldn't have to try to explain the reasons to their children.

PS I'd suggest printing this and giving a copy to either one of them. Because it isn't fair for them to put you in this position. They made this mistake of ignoring their feelings when they married other people or betraying the trust of those they claim to love. It's not your job to pick up the pieces on their behalf.

Answer 5

They should be honest with their spouses and their family, trying to hide something like that will never work.
and.. it will just cause more trouble if their spouses find out in other ways then them. They can either keep quiet and try to keep it a secret, and be living like a paranoid mouse all the time, or just come clean to their spouses and work something out without causing a big circus of events.

They have the right answer inside their hearts, if they'll look long enough.

Answer 6

Here's the deal!Marriage is aserious thing you don't do it unless you are willing to make it work forever!They chose a road to the marriage that they are in!To go and mess it all up would be a pity even if they are having these feelings.They need to stop what they are doing before they hurt the children and the one they committed there life to!To brake this marriage up to go and mess with someone else that they think they really care for would be pure stupidity!They need to keep there marriages and move on and maybe without the other person that causes them to fall flat on there face!Marriage is the choice they can not hurt anyone else they need to get over this mess!

Answer 7

Recommend family or couples counseling for both (husband and wife - husband and wife)...not bf/gf

Also, they don't want to hurt the other's - but they are. They are taking love, affection and attention away from their spouses and children. Stress is also a factor.

I don't believe in affairs. I also don't believe that a marriage needs to fail because of one.

They either try to make their marriages work - or leave. This is my advice to you. You use what you feel you need to of all the posts. To put this burden on you is horrible for them. They want your support for thier affair - but affairs shouldn't be supported by anyone.

Don't offer advice other than counseling. But being a good listner and asking open-ended questions may help.

Answer 8

'marriage is sacred, plus theirs kids involved here.

Love is never forever- it has to be re- stimulated and these two did what a lot do- they move on to something fresh and exciting.

Everyone also has quirks. So you get so sick of your partners quirks and you find someone else. Next you discover perhaps even years later you've traded your ex partners quirks in for a whole new set of quirks.

My opinion is she should have never put herself in this position she's going to have to pay a price now no matter what she does. Assuming her husband is not an abuser-the right thing would be to go back to the father of her kids and make it work. Re- stimulate the love

Answer 9

You should advise your friends to tell thier spouses. Try to stay out of it as much as possible. The whole family needs to be aware of what is going on.

Answer 10

Tell them to just stick to being friends. That is the best way to stop any one from getting a broken heart. Also, tell them that friends sometimes do fall in love and it is not their fault. Some times people feel guilty.