How Do I Overcome Shyness??

Question

Someone Help Being Shy Is Ruining My Life!!!! I Just Cannot Speak My Mind To People Or Speak Up. When People Ask Me Why I Don't Talk I Simiply Say There's Nothing To Talk About. I Feel Mental Can Some One Give Me Some Advice!!??!

Answer 1

The best advice I can give you is this. Since you said being shy is ruining your life, then you want to change it because you probably hate it. But what these people dont understand is, you dont want to be like this for the rest of your life, you want to be able to talk to people and everything and mostly be happy and confident in who you are. It is just fine to stay shy if you actually like being shy, but if your not happy with who you are, I believe you should change. Everyone should have the choice to be social or shy, but I think being shy is just forced upon many people as they grow up, including myself. I used to be the "shy kid" at middle school, and nothing I was trying was working, and I got really fed up with it. I suggest this book, "Goodbye to Shy", because it has turned me into who I wanted to be, and now I have to worry about bigger things like girlfriends, and I can talk to random people like I never did before, and each time I meet someone new I feel so happy. All you really have to do is commit. You have to put yourself in situations where you feel uncomfortable, like saying hello to a stranger, going to a party, talking to girls, etc. And remember this, "A stranger is just a friend you havent met yet". Now im in my first year of high school, and it seems like everyone is shy compared to me. Just saying "hi whats your name", followed by a "hey, im _____. Nice to meet you" will leave a huge impression on anyone because they will realize you just went out of your way just to meet them. And starting small talk will make it alot easier for them to start talking to you, because they are usually just as nervous.
So, what you need to do is:
1. write down all your fears on a sheet of paper.
2. sort them from least to greatest fears.
3. Break down those fears into small goals, from least to hardest difficulty.
Example: Meet someone new
1. Smile at 10 people
2. Make small talk with 5 new people
3. Approach a friendly person and introduce yourself and share your hobbies.
4.Approach a friendly person, introduce yourself, and get their phone #.

If you really commit to accomplishing these goals, and start achieving them, your self-confidence will build like crazy, and meeting new people for example will be a fear of the past. When I tell you how good you will feel, im not telling you from a book perspective, im telling you from one of my own real life experiences. Actions speak louder than words, so good luck. Fake it till you make it.

Answer 2

I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time! Many, many people struggle with shyness - you are not alone. Maybe try to take things one step at a time. Maybe rehearse a simple thing to say to someone who only makes you a bit uncomfortable and work up from there. Most people don't judge others nearly as much as you may think. Most people are compassionate, and if someone doesn't like something that you say and is mean, then they are the one with the problem, not you. If you find that you're not getting anywhere on your own, then you may want to work with a counselor who can help you roleplay social situations. Keep your chin up! I have confidence that you can beat this, one step at a time. By the way, just talking to us strangers over the Internet was a step, and you did fine at that!

Answer 3

tell you what deandra, I am shy too, and ye, it has greatly affected my social life. i never enjoyed my high school because of it. now that i'm quite old (i'm 20 btw) i just thought time runs fast, and when i'm already 40 years old, i don't want to look back over the past years regretting over things I shouldve done.

Personally, I think that shyness roots in fear. I am really shy to talk to people because I fear they wouldn't like me. I am shy to ask favours from my parents because I fear that they will get mad if I do. I am shy asking this really pretty girl out because I fear that she will laugh at me. But tell you what mate, I created my own fears. I am my own worst enemy because I always create negative scenarios in my mind that have not really happened. The sad thing is I cannot tell the difference between a real event and a vividly imagined one, so I will actually feel scared. But it is all me scaring myself by making up these horrible outcomes.

Remember this: FEAR - Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real. Mate, it's all in your mind! And if this helps, let me add that the people around you are afraid too, and that gives you an edge! People around you want the same things that you want - like security, inclusion, acceptance, acknowledgement, stuff like those - and knowing that gives you the edge because you can stop waiting for them to give it to you and you can give it to them. And once you do that, you get out of fear and into service.

When you feel really scared, say, in asking or just having a chat with a person, ask yourself, "What's the worst thing that could happen? Is it really that bad?" If you truly believe that you can and what you want is important, GO FOR IT! If the person says no, that's cool, you haven't lost anything. You lose something though if you haven't asked.

I can't really say that I'm fully confident in having a conversation with some people. I'm still learning how to be comfortable in doing it. If you feel stucked and don't know what to say, ask. Ask and ask until you find a commonality. Or perhaps, acknowledge the person's interest by saying, "that's really cool stuff, how do you do that? is it hard doing that thing?" stuff like those. Just ask and ask.

Email me if you want to. peace and don't leave any rock unturned! Goodluck!

Answer 4

that is a hard thing to overcome...
try doing some small experiments. When you go out to the grocery.. Find someone with something you can associate with.. If theres a lady at the tomatoes,, force yourself to say "Wow, those tomatoes look nice today, I just love tomatoes"...
You dont have to worry about what the other person says,, at least you made the first comment.. Its a stranger, they will never see you again, so even if you feel foolish you can still smile and walk off, or if you are more adventurous, say "Well have a nice day" and walk away.....
keep doing stuff like this daily until you feel comfortable, work your way up in any conversation.

Answer 5

find someone you can speek your mind with and practice shyness is sometimes a lack of self-cofidence you know your great so go get 'em speek ur mind and say somethin that u would like to hear or be spontaneous and say the first thing that comes to mind as well as its not too odd also dont become someone ur not in order to "fit in" its not worth losin the u that people like go out b urself have fun

no im not gay

Answer 6

Try talking to yourself in a mirror. Don't avert your eyes, or focus on a different aspect of your face. Look yourself right in the eyes and start talking. It doesn't really matter about what.

After you've done that for a while, try running the gamut of emotions (angry, happy, sad). At all times, maintain eye contact.

Feel free to laugh at yourself when you do this, but maintain eye contact.

See if it helps. :)

~X~

Answer 7

~~~I think we all feel like we are being judged by others,,,what we say,,,how we dress,,,what we do,,,,,
I have "truley" found in my older age of 46 its not worth it,,,its not worth worrying about what others think. I like being who I am,,,,,so Dont worry about what others think,,,,and honestly,,being shy,,,"you" are the only one that knows "you" are shy,,,,,its ok to be you,,,please dont let time pass you buy because your shy ,,,afraid of what others may think,,,because you know what,,,,EVERYONE has some measure in feeling insecure,,,all of us have a "shy" part of us,,,,,you be you,,,you open up,,,,you spread your wings,,,because,,,trust me,,,know one will judge you,,,more than we judge ourown selves,,,,,,
just smile,,,have eye contact and your there,,,,,, :)

Answer 8

Yes take a deep breath n join toast masters u'll luv it n the people n u'll suprise urself.

Answer 9

i know how u feel its a sick feeling but sticking to only some riends isnt going to help just try and find a category to talk about

Answer 10

Just make friends that you can open up to.