She is troubled and we've worked hard on trying to get her help. She is slowly getting her life together but every once in a while, my husband does something negative, which seems to have a chain reaction of negativity in our household. I'm angry about this, because I'm protective of my daughter and I've bent over backward to get along with his kids, who were grieving their mother when we met.
2006-11-25 14:50:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You can't be serious, Amanda...? He's amazing in every other way.
2006-11-25 14:54:43 · update #1
Did I mention that he tried hard to get along with her for a long time and she was absolutely horrible with him?
2006-11-25 14:55:40 · update #2
It's a complicated situation. He doesn't do anything awful to her, just gets frustrated occasionally and yells at her. I get mad at him. He apologizes but say privately to me that he will try harder but he just doesn't like her.
2006-11-25 16:04:38 · update #3
They rarely, if ever, fight or argue. It's a quiet war. She complains to me about him. He complains to me about her. I always tell them to express their concerns to each other and sometimes they do. Sometimes these frustrations boil over and one of them yells at the other. She's almost 18, doesn't smoke or do drugs. Doesn't work or go to school, and refuses to do housework. She can be very self centred and sometimes mean. I work more than my husband, so he does a lot of the cooking and housework. He's frustrated with her. So am I, but I guess because I'm her mother, I put up with more. He has done things to help her in the past but she's never recognized any of this. He has a lot of reasons to be frustrated with her. God, I seem to be talking my own way out of this dilemma. You guys are helping - keep em coming.
2006-11-26 00:59:22 · update #4
I will not lie to you it is hard. I have four teenage daughters who are not mine and they make my life hard. You just have to stay positive or try. Tell your husband that when they do not get along you know it is not all his fault, but be an adult about it. He needs to not feel blamed, but have a reason to be different with her. You and him have to be a united force though, you cannot make him feel like it is you and her against him. I know how that feels and that is what will not work. I hope this little bit of advice helps. God bless.
2006-11-25 14:54:45 · answer #1 · answered by May_May 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately..that is something that should have been worked out B4 the wedding. for you to say that you two have a great relationship is all in your head simply because it could not be that great if he hates a part of you (your child). I suggest you all seek counseling and direction. when you get into a relationship with someone that has kids from previous relationships, there should be some kind of understanding and bond established. because when you two stood b4 god and that minister (or how ever you did it) you married his kids and he married your daughter. you can not change this alone..it will take all three of you and a lot of praying..good luck with that..I wish you the best !!
2006-11-25 15:38:50 · answer #2 · answered by lovingodtoolife 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I believe it's always hard when you have stepchildren. First of all since he is now your husband even if it may be hard to take you have to let him have some say in how to raise your daughter. If you don't your just adding fuel to the fire. Your daughter will always fight and argue with him believing it is okay for her to do since he yells and you get mad at him. As long as he is yelling and not over doing it say as verbally abusing her. You need to step back and hopefully they will work it out. If your husband is verbally abusing your daughter get out. It's that simple.
2006-11-25 16:10:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say you have a talk with your husband and your daughter together and find out the real reason for the negativity and try to work things out. Let him know you have tried so hard to get along with his children and he shoudl do the same for you. Give a little take a little. If he wants your marriage to be equal than he will learn to control his negativity. Good luck!
2006-11-25 14:57:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think that just sa mucha s your daughter has to try he has to, to he is the adult and maybe ask your daughter and your husband why they dont like each other and maybe they both can work on that. but at the end of the day u have to tell them there gone to be seenig alot more of each other so they can either live with it and stop fighting/agruing or just dont say anything to each other cause as much as you dont want that you dont want them agruing/fighting either..... but he's not going anywhere and neither is she there both gone be together for along time so they mind as well deal with it
2006-11-25 14:56:09 · answer #5 · answered by take it or leave it 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your husband can not try and succeed at getting along with your child, then you may need to end the relationship, you can find another man but your kids are your responsibility forever and they need you more at every age. This is really something you both should have prepared for before marriage. sorry and good luck.
2006-11-25 14:55:02 · answer #6 · answered by LesHug 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I know it can be difficult but I don't think that you should lay all of the blame on one or the other. They have to work things out between themselves. It is not your fault they have to find a common ground something that they can both agree on and then maybe they can work from there.
2006-11-25 14:59:29 · answer #7 · answered by jennikay32 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You may never be able to change it...Dont feel responsible for the relationship they do or dont have......Teens and steps are never easy relationships......No one can love anothers child like real parents.....In most instances it is not going to happen.......especially if there are problems.....Get some counseling or research the net for info.....You are in a tough place for sure.....Be wise And Good Luck....
2006-11-25 14:57:39 · answer #8 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well your daughter comes first always doesnt matter if shes bad your husband should understand that and if he dont then thats the problem its not your daughter but yuor husband, dont choose a man over blood i've seen this done many times a nd its not worth it
2006-11-25 14:55:00 · answer #9 · answered by labonitameli 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
what does he do that is so negative towards your daughter? and does he do it on purpose or without realizin it? maybe he means to do good but, it turns out all wrong maybe he isent aware of the negative effect he has or does.. sit dwn and talk to him and tell him what is on your mind..but if what he does is on purpose either way talk to him .. let him know that you would appreciate his support not only for you but also for your daughter..
2006-11-25 15:34:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋