isn't it correct that my boyfriend should be respectful to my teenagers, especially in my house?

Question

My boyfreind believes that kids should be respectful no matter what, even if he is flat out disrespecting them or provoking them with teasing, sarcasm, and put downs. I limit the amount of time he is at our house because of this. what are your opinions?

Answer 1

You're correct. Your boyfriend sounds like a bit of a tool.

Answer 2

That's terrible. I believe that young people today have largely missed the lesson of respecting their elders, and as a small example, I rarely see young people going out of their way to even greet someone older. (Thanksgiving day put this in my head as my young cousins remained completely self-centered) But I realize that young people, particularly teenagers, are almost always more self-centered. It's natural, and generally they will break the pattern with more life experience.

To address your question, it seems like your boyfriend is a little obsessed with being in control. Perhaps an authority complex. And it sounds even a little scary, because there is no reason whatsoever for an adult to be provoking children and putting them down. Without knowing his family history, I would say that he probably didn't have a great childhood, and probably experienced some form of psychological abuse, at the very least.

Back to the control aspect, he clearly feels comfortable enough in your home to impose his own beliefs on your children. And while I agree that children should be respectful, and that this is something that needs to be taught to them, I do not agree that scaring respect into their behavior is healthy at all. Moreover, you know they will take the line, "You're not my father," eventually. Which is certainly likely to incite some further arguing on his part. And if you have to limit his time at your house, then I am even more suspicious. How long have you been seeing him, how serious is this relationship? It doesn't sound like a very nurturing relationship, and I have to say that if you are not too far along, then based on this type of behavior, things may not get any better. This is an issue you need to address with him, probably in a light-hearted manner with other people around. After, when you two are alone, you will either receive a reaffirmation of what he discloses to you and friends, or you will receive his true feelings.

Answer 3

I think that you should get rid of this guy. You should never be hesitant about putting a man before your children. JUST NEVER DO IT. He shows no respect for your children, what makes you think that he will show respect for you after he moves in? Shoot he is already disrespecting you by disrespecting your children, he says he loves you then that means he loves these children too no matter what . HE DOESN'T LOVE THESE CHILDREN.

My mother had a boyfriend about a year ago and he thought he could just come into my home and tell me what to do. I think not. He was rude to me and just intruded into my life. I told him" I don't need a new Daddy." Well as you can see he is not here and will never be back again b/c I have gotten rid of him.

I think that you should let him go. There are other good men out there, if they love you enough they will not only respect you but you children. They will love them and this man you have now DOES NOT LOVE YOU NOR YOUR CHILDREN. HE IS AN INTRUDER.

Answer 4

I think some people will probably automatically become jugemental but we don't live there and we don't really know what is going on.

But that being said..I think if your boyfriend gives respect..he will get it. And yes, I think he should be respectful to them. They were there first.

I am 36..so I'm not even a child..but my Dad's wife is pretty disrespectful to me and I think it's *wrong*. And unfortunately if you don't stand up for your children..they will resent you. I'm not too happy with my father's choice to allow her to be disrespectful to us. But if sounds like you are at least aware of it and are workign on it by limiting his time over there. Now you need to communicate with him and tell him he needs to be more respectful or he won't be coming around as often.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Sounds like trouble is headed your way if he keeps that up. Why does he feel he can do disrespectful things to them? I would be very concerned about that. And in no way..would I ever let someone be rude or disrespectful to my child under any terms! I believe respect is a 2 way street that is earned by both parties. I would not tolerate my child being rude to someone else..or disrespectful...the same as I would not tolerate someone treating My child in such a manner.Personnlay..I would give him the boot.

Answer 6

Your boyfriend is being a hypocrite. So he's a big believer in respect.
Well then...
1) When he is in your house, he should respect your thoughts and opinions.
2) Why doesn't he show your teenagers respect in return?

Tell your boyfriend he better practice what he preaches. If he refuses to change (remember YOU can only ENCOURAGE him to change, you can't HELP him or MAKE him change!), then dump him! You don't need a loser like him around!

Answer 7

I think that the only way to gain respect is to give respect. If he is rude to your children do you really want him around your kids. I suggest you take a look at where your relationship is going and if you don't want him around your kids then I would say it's going no where. Find a man that respects you and your children.

Answer 8

Dump him and move on. Respect is gained by giving it. If he cant treat others with respect, how can he expect to receive it? If you have to limit the amount of time he is there, then obviously you dont want him around long term! Good Luck

Answer 9

If you are planning on marring this guy, your kids will hate you. i believe that if your man can not get along with your kids your are in the wrong relationship. What would he do if he had the authority over your teenagers then what? I believe that if a person loves you he should love and respect your kids because they are apart of you but it close to love me love my dog. You know how so people are about their pets well that how we parents are when it comes to our childern.We protect them from bad,evil and disrepect people.

Answer 10

If a man couldn't or wouldn't respect my children, he'd be shown the door, permanently! Yes, your children should be respectful to any adult, but those same adults need to know that respect is a two-way street. Good luck!