I have never been close to my parents as my mother had a lot of mental problems and my father was and is emotionally and mentally abusive. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 1/2 years and I am now pregnant. I have been hurt in the past by both of my parents either leaving me or just being emotionally unavailable and I am scared to death that my boyfriend will leave me. I have always had this fear in the back of my mind but now that I'm pregnant it seems to be more prevalent. How can I get over this fear that he will leave me. I've talked to him and he assures me that he loves me and wants to be with me but I keep thinking that he'll eventually leave. He gets irritated with me but is overall pretty patient with me and my fears. When I bring up the fear of rejection/abandonment issues he says it's just an excuse and a cop-out to not deal with things. I really do want to trust him completely & believe that he'll be there but I don't know how to get past the fear. Any suggestions?
2006-11-25 13:59:14 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Fear is the mind killer.
You are responsible for your fears and decisions right her right now. What your parents did wasn't right but you have ultimate responsibility for you right now.
Sorry there isn't more to it but that's just the way it is. It is very possible your actions in regard to your fear of him leaving my just very well cause the very thing you are afraid of. There comes a point in your life where you just have to trust, like it or not.
2006-11-25 14:09:38 · answer #1 · answered by hogie0101 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It probally would help if you could get some counseling.....read some books or look up on line....you know the lingo so you must have done some research already.....The fear is in you and comes from your past....if he feels that he is responsible to take care of that fear,,,it puts a heavy burden on his shoulders and he may just plain not know what to do. He would probally like to feel that you and he together are going to take care of your family that you two have now began. If he had to spend time reassuring you then he may be overwhelmed as if now he has 2 people he is responsible for,,,,instead of feeling like you are 2 people repsonsible for your baby. 2 for 1 is much better than 1 for 2.....
Make a choice in your heart that no matter what happens you will be ok......and trust that he will be with you.....If the worst happened and you ended up without him...your child needs to have a mature stable person to take care of him(her). Dont repeat the pattern that your parents lived.
When i am afraid of things i cant control...i ask myself....ok what if the worst thing possible does happen......Will i lay down and let it kill me.....or will I just do whatever it takes to put one foot in front of the other and make it through and past this......When you have a child....you dont have (or shouldn't) a choice....you have to cowboy up and be there for your child.....Maybe your parents couldnt be what you needed,,,,,but you can damn sure be what your child needs.......You can make a difference.........
Thats what i did.!
2006-11-25 14:36:35 · answer #2 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife had some insecurities as you do, but they faded after ten years of marriage. Look you cannot control what will happen in life. Take one day at a time and get the most out of it. Live and love and trust. Yes he could leave but you have to be independent and always rely on yourself first than others.
When people have bad things happen to them some become stronger and others need help. Can you talk to a clergyman or a counselor or even a close friend. Try to find some strength in the relationship you have with your boyfriend, but don't wear on him in being continually needy, it is not productive, and makes him feel he is not meeting your needs, also keep in mind he is not your psychologist he is someone you love and you are in a relationship that requires care and nurturing form both of you not just one of you.
2006-11-25 14:15:34 · answer #3 · answered by John E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of it this way, 2 and 1/2 years is a LONG time to be with someone you don't love. If he didn't love you he would have left a long time ago. Now that you are about to have his baby, and he knows it and he is STILL with you, should show you how much he cares and that he isn't going anywhere. He loves you and you need to just let go of your past and look forward to all the great things you will do with him by your side. Good Luck with everything that comes you way! :)
2006-11-25 14:05:53 · answer #4 · answered by shy eyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to realize when you are being irrational. Has he ever given you a reason to be insecure? Your pregnancy hormones are playing a part, so try to remember to keep them in check. Most of all, you don't want to PUSH him away because your scared he'll leave. Sometimes when you worry about something so much you can cause it to take course. Finally, it will pass. I know where you are coming from. My son is now 3 and he hasn't left, and I'm secure enough now to know that he won't unless I push him out the door.
2006-11-25 14:17:00 · answer #5 · answered by Crys* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am sorry about how your parents treated you, my parents pretty much did the same and i had the same problems in my relationship. I too became pregnant and now have a beautiful 7 month old baby girl. I realized one day when i asked him if he was going to leave me how he became irritated, but remained patient with me. it hit me, i was puching the man i loved away from me. Unfortunately it is something we both are going to have to live with for the rest of our lives, but you now have the chance to do right by your child. i know it lingers in your mind when you are with him, but know he must love you very much to still be with you and now to have a child with you. I do not forsee him going anywhere, unless you push him away. tell him how sorry you are for always dreading him leaving adn that you know he won't leave you and then tell him you love him. alittle goes a long way and trust me it will definately help. I wish you the best of luck and a baby is the best gift this world can offer you just remember they grow up so fast. :(
2006-11-25 14:06:56 · answer #6 · answered by Chrystal S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you should do is tell him that there is a baby on the way. He maybe happy he may not but he has a right to know cause he is the father and if he dose leave you then you have to be Strong for the baby and never make him or her go through what you went through.
2006-11-25 14:12:13 · answer #7 · answered by lilfireball_131 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The pregnancy is magnifying your fears - it's hormonal. Try to have faith in him and stop harping about him leaving. You are making it hard for him to stay. Take a look around and see all the little things that he does to show you that he loves you - like rub your feet, get you a cup of tea, etc.
2006-11-25 14:04:31 · answer #8 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here is a good one. If you keep acting like you are he will get tired of hearing it and he will leave. He is right. Just trust him and get on with your life. Quit being such a baby and feeling sorry for yourself. Your gonna end up alone if you don't start trusting him.
2006-11-25 14:04:26 · answer #9 · answered by goodtimesgladly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk with your boyfriend and tell him your fears
and this is not that uncommon that you should have this fear with your parents and being pregnant. talk to your boyfriend i am sure he will understand and he has been with you for 2 1/2 years now and it will put your mind at ease to
May God bless you
2006-11-25 14:06:56 · answer #10 · answered by jan d 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋