Newborn anxiety?

Question

So here is my story.... after 3 years of marriage and much discussion and planning, my husband and I decided to have a baby. Took all of one try (no kidding). Everything was fine up until week 24, I started having contractions and am now bed bound until our daughter arrives. So here I am, almost 29 weeks pregnant and attempting to register for my shower, and I just realized something. Our baby is going to be born, we are going to get her home.... and then what? I am chalking it up to hormones and the fact that this is our first baby, but just realized I am scared to death! Hubby has never really been around babies, the only experience I have is babysitting 10 years ago. I already love my daughter, I have loved her from the first day I found out I was pregnant... I don't want to screw her up! Please tell me some of you brand new parents have been through this!

Answer 1

Oh! CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy. I'm sorry to hear that you are on bedrest but I'm glad to hear you are taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do to finish baking her and bring her in safe and sound.

I was 31 when I had my first baby and 35 when I just had my third one. So I was a bit older. I had done a TON of babysitting in my younger days and my sister and I are 8 years apart and I did lots and lots of care for her when she was born and afterwards!

But yet..I was still completely terrified when it was my own baby. Now *I* was responsible for raising this child and *I* was responsible for how it turns out as an adult. HOW SCARY IS THIS????

But you know what? I have to live and learn..make my mistakes..and move on. And you will too.

You might not be able to because of your bed rest but I recommend taking a child birth class. If you can't do that then a Newborn basics class is pretty helpful. It will teach you how to put on a diaper, bathe the baby, infant CPR, how to swaddle a baby (KEY if you want them to sleep better)--how often they need to be fed..just basic things for a happy, healthy, baby.

Even though the newborn stage is so difficult becuase of the lack of sleep..guess what? That is the easy part! It gets harder when they get older and then you have to start using redirection and discipline. Then you really start questioning your parenting abilities!

So enjoy the newborn stage. It goes REALLY REALLY REALLY fast.

You really will be okay. You are already ahead of the game! You have your husband's support AND you already love your baby. You will do just fine!

If you really want more input from others though--you can continue to do what you are already doing..research on the Internet.

There are great sites out there that helped me get through all three of my pregnancies. Just knowing there are others out there who we can direct our questions to or just get moral support (newborns are HARD work!)is AWESOME! There's two sites in particular that I will list below. You can join the Birth club for the date that your baby is due and then you are all be pregnant at the same time and you can get to know these people over the span of the pregnancy and you can hear the birth stories of the people who are due ahead of you and then you can continue to network with these people and ask questions and get advice as the babies grow! It also sends you week-by-week updates on what is happening with your baby during the pregnancy adn then what is hpapenign with the baby's develpoment once she's been born. It's great.

In addition to Internet resouces--Doctors are good resouces. Some sites on the Internet are good resouces. Other Mommies are good resources. Your own Mom is a good resource (if she's still in your life). You will be okay. If you want to..take my E-mail address - [e-mail] I have three!

Answer 2

Take a deep breath....Breath out...and relax.

I have raised my three daughters and now am raising 2 small grandchildren. You will be amazed at how your instincts will take over and you will know more than you ever thought you did about babies. When you get in a bind and are not sure what to do, you will call friends or family and ask, or you will try several things until one works. In no time at all you will know what each cry and sound that your baby makes means. Babies don't come with instruction manuals, you are going to learn the same way we all did and you and she will survive and love each other more with each passing day. She will have your hubby wrapped around her little finger long before she reaches the age of two and you will have a hard time getting her to listen when "daddy" is around.

The amount of joy this little girl is going to bring you is indescribable. You won't do everything perfect and no one I know has. You are going to make mistakes just like all of us moms have and you will learn from them. Don't ever be afraid to look your child in the eye and say "I'm sorry, I was wrong." All you need are each others love and respect and the rest will fall into place.

I know, I have been there and am there all over again and I wouldn't trade a minute of my day with anyone.

It isn't as scarry as it may seem to be right now. Cherish every minute, they go by fast. Love her with all your heart. Good Luck and congradulations.

Answer 3

I had even less experience than your huz did. I never baby sat when I was younger cuz I was too afraid. I am the yougest child of 3. I have no nephews or neices. I had no cousins living in the same state. I was always the youngest one all the time. And when my son was born (at 29 weeks by the way), I learned as I went. Now I have 2 sons and I learned that you learn as you go. The baby does not know that you are scared and dont do things the way OTHER people say it SHOULD be done. You do your best. You use common sense. You read books if it helps and the next thing you know, you know what everyone else knew. Dont be afraid. As long as he is willing, he will do fine and so will you.
The hardest thing for me even now is I have to let my huz do things his way and tell myself that it is okay that MY WAY is not the only way.
My son, that was born at 29 weeks, was 2 lbs 13 ounces. He just turned 4 last month and is doing great. I did not tell you that part to scare you just thought that it might put your mind at ease.

Dont give your huz a complex. He will do just fine. My huz was as almost as bad as I was with experince with child care. The day we took my first son home we laughed so hard cuz we both kept saying "I cant believe they are going to let US take a baby home. We have no idea what we are doing." We kept waiting for someone to jump out and say something to us like :where are you going with that kid. " We laugh about it now too.
Sorry that I wrote so much. I hope this helps you.
Bottom line is you learn as you go and nobody is in your home watching you or judging you. Just use common sense and love.

Answer 4

Can't say that I know of any parent that has not been through this same experience. It will be just fine. You obviously will be a good mom you already are worring about her. (Be prepared to be worring for a long time) Your husband probably has just as many concerns as you do. The two of you will pull through all of this just fine. You have each other to lean on and I am sure there are friends and family that are more than willing to help you out.

Just remember.....you are not the first mother and you will not be the last. Woman have been doing this for years. The parent on the planet did not have all the support you have available and obviously did just fine or we would not be here.

Take a deep breath and just enjoy the moment. Soon enough you will be wishing it was quiet again.....LOL!

Good Luck

Answer 5

All moms go through this.. even if it's not your first baby. You get to this point where labor can occur at any second and you just panic (especially since you guys probably never got a chance to go to a newborn class). I suggest you read up on the internet about newborn parenting or call your local hospital- sometimes the newborn care/lamaze teachers will make special appointments or housecalls for those with special needs.

Just make sure you have the stuff you need and everything will fall into place. You can always come on here and ask us questions too, or call your mom/relatives.

Answer 6

First of all, relax. Now is the time for you and your husband to start discussing how this child will be raised. Decide on what types of rules you will have, what sort of discipline will be doled out etc. I found behavior and reward system worked very well with my daughter. That is the child is given very few "extras" all children have the right to a roof over their heads, warm clothing, food, but they don't have the right to television, videos, video games, computer, phones etc. Those things have to be earned with appropriate behavior. When my daughter misbehaved she didn't get to watch television (oh and keep the televisions and computers OUT Of the bedrooms they don't belong there). If she acted up in public she wasn't allowed to go out into public for a time. My daughter acted up once, she was a terror in a shopping mall so I took her home told her father to watch her while I went shopping. After that she was not allowed to go with me and she LOVED going to the mall, not just for the shopping but she was always a social child and loved seeing all of the people. After a few month of not taking her she assured me that she wold behave from then on and she did.
As the child gets older (school age) learn to pick your battles. Decide what is more important, getting on the bus to get to school on time or standing in the door way aruguing about mode of dress while the bus goes past your house? Also when it comes to spending time with your kids or doing housework ask yourself "Will the fact that I had a spotless house matter in 20 years?" I've already gotten my answer, at almost 21 my daughter told me that maybe I wasn't the best housekeeper on the block but she valued the fact that when she was three and would come to me to play I was right there with her, we ran through sprinklers, colored, painted, played with playdough and built tents out of blankets and tables and chairs. I feel it was time well spent. Just make sure you remember that you've been given a precious and fragile gift...you'll do just fine.

Answer 7

Oh there is absoluetley no need to worry what so ever. I felt exactly the same when i hit about 32 weeks. I had a lot of problems in my pregnancy so my mind was constantly occupied then when it all calmed down and i actually had time to think it was like "oh my gosh". Things with my partner wernt the best he was adimant id made the wrong desision and wed never cope but the moment she was born all that worry just dissapeared. It is honestley the best feelin in the world. I just didnt want to let go of her. And as for my bf he took to her like a duck to water. Its quite crazy that we do all this worryin before hand and once its happened you dont know what all the fuss was over.

Good luck with everything though - it is th emost amazing thing ever.

Answer 8

When you have your own child in your arms, SO much that you thought would be awkward will feel incredibly natural! My husband was shocked, and so was I, at how easily it came ... of course there are times when we are clueless but in general, since we really care and love her, our best turns out to be more than good enough. And neither of us are baby people. I'm like the antithesis of a baby person... a baby sister myself, hadn't held a child since I was twelve.

A book that I found extremely warm, calm, sympathetic, and reassuring during pregnancy was "Birth of a Mother" by Daniel Stern. It talks about the psychology of becoming a mother, and how everyone is different and there isn't a "perfect" mother - we are all good and bad at it, and we are almost all profoundly competent just by our natures as women and humans.

Answer 9

I didn't have a lot of experience with babies before I had my first, and then he was born early at 35 weeks, and had to stay 5 days in the NICU...I was terrified. But it gets easier everyday...get a support system of family and friends and listen to their advice. Talk to your baby's pediatrician. Read books. The more you know, the more confident you will be. You will do GREAT, After you have had her a while, you will feel like a pro! :-) Good luck to you.

Answer 10

I am so happy, it was only a 35 minute drive ( 70 minutes total) but absolutely no sign of anxiety or panic i shopped till I dropped - brilliant! I will now go for the next stage DUAL CARRIAGE way, probably at the weekend, with my husband accompanying me first then the solo drive, if successful the final stage of driving on motorway

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