How can I motivate someone to do well in school (high school/college level) when someone has stopped caring?

Question

My youngest brother is a high school student who has completely lost any motivation to do well in school. He sits at home watching TV or playing on his Game Cube--he is a movie connoisseur and is a pro at video games.

Whenever talking about the future (and granted, he does have 2 years until he graduates), he has consistently lowered his goals. For example, he wanted to be a veterinarian until he realized that science is difficult. He then wanted to join the FBI until he realized that you need a college degree and must meet rigorous physical standards. He now wants to be a cop, because he says it is less strict than the FBI (but it is really just the glorification of TV that has driven him).

I worry about him because of this trend. He was never a stellar student, but I am disturbed by the fact that he is turned off by any challenge. If he realized the tough work associated with being a police officer, he would back out of that too. Can anyone offer advice?

Answer 1

Try to avoid using external motivators, especially things like money, gifts or candy. If you have to go outside "learning for the sake of learning" try to emphasize the importance of education in terms of jobs, meeting adult friends (because his K-12 school friends WILL move away) and independence.

I experienced the same thing with my little brother. He's been out of school for two years and won't be getting into COMMUNITY COLLEGE until September 2008 (that's how long the waitlist is). He wasn't even going to go to community college, but I pestered him by sending him brochures and application information for all sorts of schools and programs until he found one that interested him.

If your brother is into gaming, has he considered a job in game design or programming? I know it sucks to do the work yourself, but you could always order up some brochures from schools that have those types of programs. You could also send him links to different employers websites, showing the kind of things they look for in applicants. The trick is just to give him lots and lots of options until he finds the one that clicks with him. When he can envision himself doing that job ten or twenty years down the road, he'll be willing to meet a few challenges to get there.

Answer 2

Being a police officer is not an easy thing. Most departments nowdays want a minimum of an Associates Degree in Law Enforcement before they will even look at you. You must be physically fit, be able to write an understandable written police report, shoot with accuracy, etc.

Since he loves movies and is a pro at video games, has he thought of maybe going into visual arts or game design? I don't know what state you live in, but have him check on the internet at schools in your state and see if any of them have any graduate programs in that field. My daughter is currently taking game art and design through the Art Institute at Pittsburg and she loves it. It is an accredited school and we were able to get FAFSA loans and Stafford Loans to send her there.

Also, maybe your brother is suffering from depression. Maybe a check up with a doctor might be in order and some medication prescribed to get him back on track. I wish him and you luck.

Answer 3

The most effective way to change his attitude is to make him realize that everything comes at a great price. He needs to understand that money is hard to make and that to hold a good job with a nice pay is hard and challenging.

The people he spends time with are critical, especially friends that he hangs out with. They can influence him and push him towards the right direction, if they are motivated and hard working. Also, they might have a "friendly competition" among them, and this competition helps him to study harder and become better.

Working a part time job helps, too. The part time job will give him the opportunity to realize that with no special skills and knowledge, he cannot earn much. And the pay is hard to get.

I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Maybe he is suffering from low self esteem. Maybe he feels that he is just not smart enough to do anything that he likes. Is there anyone thing that he is good at that he likes? He might not go to a traditional 4 year college, but might do better at a trade or vocational school that does not require as much school or the extra classes that are needed for most traditional colleges.

Answer 5

I'm still in university, but I really only talk to my closest friends from high school. I go to a local university though so I do occasionally bump into a few of my high school acquaintances and say hi.

Answer 6

Keep talking to him so he knows you care about his future. I think that's the most important.

You mentioned he likes movies and video games. Has he ever considered filmmaking or video game construction? If those are his interests, and he cares about pursuing a career in that area, he could make a good living for himself. It's much easier to work hard for something when you love what you're doing!

Answer 7

You can't. He has to understand what is going on in the world around him. He has to make decisions. You can motivate him, but the means will be hurtful in the end.
If he knows that you genuinely care, that will be a plus. If you try to bully him, he might use his lack of interest as a means of maintaining a type of control over his environment. Put simply, his future has to be important to him as well as you.

Answer 8

offer cash for grades, or other types of rewards.