If so how did you deal with it? I am asking because i believe my boyfriend of 4 yrs has it. I am not psychiatrist its just that i have read alot of books about it and it seems like my boyfriends has alot of the symptoms and behavior of BPD. I mean one min he cant stand me the next he doesn't want me to leave him. He says awful things to everyone who cares about him. Its like a no win situation with him. He is soooooooo sensitive. He blames everyone for his problems. Yet he says he is a failure. I once told him that maybe he should see a counselor and totally flew off the handle saying i am the one with the problem. He claims nobody loves him and everybody leaves him all the time. Even when you do something very nice for him he quickly forgets it when you do something that he doesn't want you do like going shopping or something. His mother is fed up with him and doesn't know what to do. What can be done?
2006-11-25 12:37:18 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Yes, that sounds like classic BPD, but of course Yahoo Answers is not the place for a diagnosis, but yes, that's very typical behavior.
Regardless of whatever his cause or issue is, the big question remains of whether or not it's a relationship you want to stay in. I know from experience that he won't change until he wants to, and if he can't accept he has a problem, then he won't change. So how long you want to put up with it is up to you.
There is no failure on your part if you choose to leave. He has issues that cause mental distress for you, and the whole point of relationships is to have someone you enjoy being with and to make you happy. Some people, however, are not suitable, because of issues often going back to childhood, and these things are very, very hard to fix, nearly impossible if they refuse to accept that they might have any kind of problem.
Even if he wanted to change, it'd be a very long and difficulty process, but theoretically doable, but if he won't go there, then what you see is what you get.
You might want to consider making an appointment with a psychologist for yourself, because they can give you some insight as to how to deal with him, or help you assess if you want to stay in the relationship.
I was in a 9 year marriage to a Borderline. Once I figured out that was what she had (since confirmed) I made a few appointments with a psychologist and had them help me understand how she thought and why she behaved the way she did. It was very helpful in helping me deal with her, and very helpful making me feel better about getting out of the relationship, and very helpful in finding a way to get out safely.
This last part is very important for you - if you decide to get out, you need to assess if he might be violent. If you think he will be, you definitely need to get out, but you will need a plan of action, and a way to make sure you're safe. If you live with him, you should get a bag prepared somewhere with some clothes, money, and your important papers (checkbook, birth certfificate, whatever) so if you have to leave following some fight, that you don't have to go back for anything. Make sure you have some place to go lined up, and someone who knows about the situation and that you might have to leave on a moment's notice and where you'll be if it happens.
2006-11-26 05:36:14 · answer #1 · answered by T J 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BPD is difficult. There is a spectrum upon which BPD is located and diagnosed. Imagine a clock hand going from 9 to12 to 3. Now, replace the times with neurosis, syndrome and psychosis. A person with BPD can swing from the neurotic to the psychotic in minutes, and these symptoms usually last a few hours. The syndrome is more stable, the symptoms less severe. Keep an eye on these things: wanting instant results or gratification, putting a person on a pedestal only to knock him/her down, seeing things in black and white (meaning bad or good), manipulation of events, circumstances, emotions and people, ect. There is much more information available, of course, through the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM). There are tests to take like the Minnesota Multi-phasic. There is therapy available, some with medications and some without, usually behavioral in nature. Just remember, you are having a difficult time in a relationship with another human being. If he really has the diagnosis, he must have treatment or you will have an even more diffuclt time in future. God Bless.
2006-11-25 13:21:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound so much borderline as it does pent up anger and possibly an attention problem. I have a borderline in my family, "emotional vampires" but, they will conform to the people that they are around. Trouble with job, managing money and concentration really seem more attention problems even anxiety. I am not saying his childhood was not abusive but, could it have been that he was getting on their nerves so bad that they couldn't handle it and didn't understand the proper ways of punishment.
2016-05-23 02:44:43 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run like hell. This is emotional narcissism of the lowest grade. He's acting like a baby, and crying for a tit. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life being his "mommy", you need to move on. When someone starts the "nobody loves me", it's a transparent and manipulative plea for attention. Face it: he's playing you like a $15 guitar. Be careful not to become "co-dependent" with him. In a weird and unhealthy way, it's very flattering to have someone so dependent on you. But in the end, these people always suck the life out of everyone around them. You're doing him NO good by staying, this is HIS problem that he and he alone can deal with. He won't change a damn bit until he's ready, and as long as he can continue to manipulate his way into being the center of attention, he has no reason to change. Run, don't walk.
2006-11-25 13:16:40 · answer #4 · answered by jack_98 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I know someone who lives close by me with the disorder - But he's such a nice person, problems aside. It's difficult to tell you how to deal with it, because everyone is different...Maybe you should read up about it? Also, if he hasn't been diagnosed, it might be wise he sees a proffessional.
Sorry it wasn't much help.
Goodluck.
2006-11-25 12:42:51 · answer #5 · answered by tahanni 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I have and you just have to back off and find people whose personalities are easier for you to take.
2006-11-25 12:39:09 · answer #6 · answered by Dr. Obvious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋