Should I be honest or vague?
2006-11-25 12:31:11 · 13 answers · asked by cirenek 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By all means be honest, but not brutally honest. Being honest would be telling him that you do not or no longer have the feelings for him that he has for you or that you do not see the relationship continuing, or you're just not a good match. Being brutally honest would be telling him that he's: fat, ugly, stupid, smells bad, has big ears, nose, crossed eyes...you get the idea. Those are only excuses or symptoms of what's wrong with the relationship, not the true, deep-down reasons. Let him know in a nice way that there's nothing he can do to change your feelings.
Whether you are normally nervous or not, leaving some is never, ever simple. After all, at some point you probably did have deeper feelings which are now gone. Being vague, in my opinion, will only serve to "leave the door open" for the person you're leaving. By that I mean vagueness may give him the impression that he still has a chance with you. That can be kind of cruel if you think about it because it could very well prevent him from moving on and letting go of what you once had together.
If you're really set on leaving this man, then by all means do it; you need to take care of your needs first, not put someone else's ahead of yours. The key here is to be honest AND kind. It will be easier for him to let go of the relationship and allow you to feel good about yourself because you treated him with compassion and dignity.
If it helps any, I've been in the same situation a couple of times, so I know personally that it's very hard to deal with. However, staying with someone you don't have deep feelings for just because it would hurt them only delays hurting them. Eventually the "truth will out", he'll be even more attached and sensitive, and you'll feel more pain yourself.
Do what you must. You'll never feel good about hurting someone, but you'll eventually be proud of yourself for handling it honestly. Remember, you're not leaving for the sake of hurting him, but life changes, people change, feelings change. No cure for that. Some things cannot be changed or helped.
Now, take a deep breath, organize your thoughts, and try to imagine how you're going to set both of you free. You can do it!!!
2006-11-25 12:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by Ann F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be brutal, but you need to be honest. Being vague just leads to confusion, and in the end that will only hurt him more, seeing as how he would probably feel lied too. It sounds like you do care about this person, so think of this as if you are helping him out of a poor relationship and giving him a chance to find a much better life afterward. You both deserve to not be in a stagnant relationship. Remember that taking care of what you NEED is not selfish. And that sometimes, as with surgery, in order for healing to occur, something that causes more pain must occur first. Hang in there.
2006-11-25 21:01:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be direct otherwise the message will not be clear, even
the most sensitive are tougher than you know. i think
being vague shows you might not being serious being
direct does. If you can't do it in person write a letter
be direct there, don't call or leave a text message that
is very bad form. Above all have class and adress his
hurt feelings when you tell him, make it fairly short
don't go on forever with reasons, its too late to fix
things anyway just be yourself and wish him the best.
and then leave and don't call him for or talk to him
for a few weeks if you can that way he will find another
support person. hope this helps
good luck
david
2006-11-25 20:38:33 · answer #3 · answered by david6385 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest. But also be gentle, I recently broke up with a very kind person and at first I was very hesitant and afraid I would end up hurting him more.
I just flat out told him,"Look, your a great guy and very sweet, But I don't think things are working out and don't feel we should remain bf/gf."
Good luck!
2006-11-25 20:33:35 · answer #4 · answered by SB's cafe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's sensitive there's no way not to hurt him. He'll get over it with time. Just tell him it's you not him and try to be as gentle as possible but honest.
2006-11-25 20:38:42 · answer #5 · answered by party_pam 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honest is best
he has probly been through it 20 times before
if he is really into you, maybe do it in person or at least a letter though.
2006-11-25 20:33:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your dumb for leaveing a sensitive man for another man cause obiousley you have one he'll will be a dog! work through it he is god sent i promise! (from exsperiance) stay with the man your with hes obiousley got your qualitys or you would of never been with him in the first place. leaveing him is going to make a rough road for you all marriages have thease emotions its how you react to it that makes the differance.
2006-11-25 21:02:08 · answer #7 · answered by i am who ever u say i am 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be very honest and be armed with answers, he will have questions.
Good Luck.
2006-11-25 20:33:04 · answer #8 · answered by eyes_of_iceblue 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very hard to do,I'm trying to do the same thing myself. I think what keeps me going , no matter what you must be true to your self!! because if your not it mite work (for them) a little while. not fair to them let alone your self good luck
2006-11-25 20:39:25 · answer #9 · answered by Laura W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be assertive, tell him without being rude that you are not interested. It is more mean to lead him on and play games.
2006-11-25 20:33:21 · answer #10 · answered by crissyk24 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋