Pregnant and Hurt...?

Question

I am pregnant with my fiance's baby and he told me that he had cheated on me once. I was so hurt seeing as I am pregnant, it hit me really hard. He said that he told me because he loved me and he wanted to have a new start. But I'm confused because it he does it while I'm pregnant can he really love me? I just need opinons and support please.

Answer 1

Well I have been there..when I was pregnant with my first son his father was a real dog. He cheated several times and I stayed with him because we had a child together.....I was also very young and stupid. We had been together for five years. And trust me it didn't get any better. Even after I had my son he continued to cheat. I finally got fed up with him and moved on with my life. Now I am very happy and looking forward to having a child with my husband.

Answer 2

I was cheated on very early in my pregnancy. It was very difficult for me emotionally, but I did not end the relationship. What really helped me was to stop thinking that I should dump him on principle (obviously, I didn't want to be a single mom, so that was a hard idea).

We talked about it very openly, even the gruesome details, and somehow that helped me "reclaim" that experience from him, so that it wasn't a thing that was done behind my back--I knew everything about it, and that helped take away the mystery and some of the hurt. My boyfriend felt very badly about it, and through our talking, I came to understand the reasons that he cheated on me. He was feeling extremely stressed out, and essentially felt that his "life was over". Our relationship was difficult then, and with my pregnancy, he felt trapped. His reaction was to go out and do something that had nothing to do with our relationship or future together--like a form of protest.

Talking HONESTLY about what happened was the best way for me to get past it. I realized that I didn't want to end things--it was me who wanted to talk about it. He needed a bit of time to start talking, but he did eventually, and things got better.

I am extremely glad that we did stay together, because now he is the best dad in the universe (imho!) and we are expecting a second baby together.

These situations are unique. There are a million things you will have to think about, but open communication is a very good tool for figuring everything out. Try to understand the whole situation, and hopefully he will be honest and forthcoming with you. It's a tough situation, both emotionally and because it's much harder to break off a relationship just over cheating (as in, if that's the only thing he did wrong, and it's not chronic) when pregnant, because you have more to lose than a non-pregnant person.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I am so sorry for your pain. I too was cheated on. It seems a harder kick in the heart when you are pregnant. It took a lot for him to tell you. He will have a long road back to be able to be trusted again, I would think. It can be done, though. I truly hope you get couples counseling and can work this out, if nothing else but for the sake of your baby. He is going to be a part of your life for the rest of your life for that reason. Hurt...Absolutely! Forgive.....Eventually! Forget....Probably Not! I am so serious about counseling. Both of you need to know and understand why he would do something so heinous as to put you at risk for an STD while you are pregnant!!!! Golly! Know there are those of us who are there for you and wish you the best. Bless your heart. Please see someone professionally for a little while. At least long enough to get you through this mess. Loves. Nana

Answer 4

If he cheated on you, there's a very good chance that you two will split up later down the line, anyways, and here's why:

1) When a person loves another person, it is literally sickening to think of having sex with someone else. Period.

2)You're either not going to be able to get over it, or he's going to do it again, and BOTH are equally as possible.

3) He very well could be there with you, not because he loves you, but because he loves the baby. He may love you, but if he cheated, I'd be willing to bet that he's not IN LOVE with you, anymore.

4) You're probably going to fall out of love with him. Nine out of ten times, it happens when that delicate barrier of trust is broken.

There are couples who recover from an extra-marital affair, but it takes time, effort, and the understand from BOTH parties that it will not happen again.

It cannot be one-sided. If you want to make it work, you need to be damned sure that he wants to, also, or else your efforts are in vain.

I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I hope that you and your fiance make the very best decision.

Answer 5

Sweety....Im going to be honest. Now, I know it hurts to know that he cheated on you. I think it takes a man to admit he was wrong even though he shouldnt have never cheated in the first place. But he told you because who wants to get married having secrets. Its your choice what you want to do. He shouldnt have told you while you are pregnant. It may be eating him up inside and he couldnt bear to keep it from you any longer. You have every right to be hurt. Take your time in deciding things....whether you are going to forgive him and move on with your new family or leave him eventually because he betrayed you and your trust for him. One more thing...Did you ever ask him why?

Answer 6

I think him cheating on you during your pregnancy is horrible. did he say it was during this time or before u got pregnant? either way its wrong. how would he feel.its good that he came clean and wants to start over, but it doesnt make it all better. i think u and him have a lot of working to do on this relationship especially before this baby is born. forgive your fiance for what he did as he is hurting obviously because he told u and if he didnt feel guilty then he would have kept it a secret..talk to him about why he did it and whats going on in your relationship..maybe hold off on the wedding date also. just make it work for u too and the baby, it will get better,keep a good eye out on him though...good luck!

Answer 7

I think it's terrible that he cheated on you, but if he REALLY is sincere about being sorry, then maybe he wants to make sure that everything is out in the open before the baby arrives and things get really hectic. He's being truthful, but that trust is going to have to be re-earned. If YOU think he's being honestly sincere about it, I would give him a second chance. It's going to be hard, because you will have to learn to trust him all over again. I hope that things go well for you!!

Answer 8

I just have one question for you: Has he ever "stepped out" on you before.......or any of his past girlfriends? Past behavior is an excellent predictor of future behavior. You might want to postpone the wedding for a while until you can figure out what is in the best interest for you and your baby. Take some time and think it through. (If you need someone to talk to, there are counselors at crisis pregnancy centers that you could talk things out with.)

Answer 9

Sounds like to me he really does love you and wanted everything out on the table. I think its like you said he wants a fresh start. I see that as progress being he told you. Good luck

Answer 10

I think that's something only you can answer.

But in my opinion, if he's cheating while you are pregnant, whats going to stop him when you're tired from being up all night with the baby, and not in the mood to romance? How will his cheating (if continues) affect your child & relationship with him.

That's just my opinion, I don't put up with cheaters.