Boyfriend won't help with bills?

Question

I have been with my BF for 8 years and he has lived with me for 6 of them (in various places). He currently owns a business but he doesn't know how to run it so he's always broke. I have been paying all of the bills since he moved in and I even bought a condo recently WITH MY OWN MONEY. The only time he has paid anything is when I threatened to kick him out. I could count the times he has given me money for bills on one hand and this is in 6 YEARS. He makes me feel guilty anytime I ask him for anything. He says "I always have the worst luck" or "Why do bad things only happen to me?" What makes this worse is that he doesn't help with the household chores AT ALL and he is MESSY. I work between 50-60 hours a week and he can't even do his own laundry. I guess I just stay with him because he is loyal and this is a rare quality with men. I also am afraid to throw him out on the street.
HELP!

Answer 1

You are paying for his loyalty! It should be a given thing, not paid for.

Toss him out and I'm sure he'll come to grips with reality. You should stop making excuses for him...he'll just continue to use you.

Answer 2

Dear Miss,
I respectfully tell you to exercise self preservation in this matter.
You already know this man is a parasite and his "luck" will not change. Your life will be a constant battle to save him from himself unless you let him go.
He owns a business you tell me. A business makes money or goes out of business. While it may feed his ego to "own" his own business, this is nothing more than a losing venture. It is losing money and doing nothing for you or him due to his ignorance or neglect about how to run a business. He needs to become a working stiff with a schedule of 40 hours a week and a gauranteed check. He won't do this because he has problems with authority and won't take orders. He can't wash his own underwear and yet he is a businessman-don't think so. No one always has bad luck. Most of the things that happen to us we ask for.
You are an enabler. You enable him to continue to be irresponsible by paying the bills and doing the chores. The moment he no longer gets support from you or anyone else, I bet he gets a job quick. He may not be able to keep them long, but at least he won't be your problem.
You work all those hours, manage your money, and even own a home. You are well deserving and shall receive a far better man. You don't need this schmo-you have your act together. Real men who share your common goals in life will be eager to meet a independent woman like yourself.
Think of how much better your life and future can be if you didn't have this guy. You don't need him. He is relying on your "guilt" over throwing him out. Quit being the host of this parasite and move on. You will be happier every day.
Scorpion

Answer 3

If he don't pay the bills, he's living under YOUR roof. You need to assign him a list of chores, like his parents used to do. Make him clean the house, and keep it clean. Make him learn to cook. Make him do his laundry, and when you see he knows how to do it, have him do you laundry too. It's one thing to be broke, and live under your roof. But this guy is not contributing AT ALL. If he's not out there making money to contribute to the bill, he needs to be in there cooking and cleaning to contribute to the place.

Now, what he really needs to do is go out there and look for a job. J-O-B. He complains about how bad his luck is? That's bullshit. He doesn't have bad luck. He has laziness. Bad things happen to him because he is not man enough to handle responsibilty. That's life. Life is hard. He needs to go out there and make his money. He has his own company, but he's running it into the ground, you say? Well, maybe he needs to get educated on becoming a more successful business man. Maybe he needs to go back to school. But he still needs that 9 to 5 to get by. Lots of people work and go to school, and I'm sure he could to, if you gave him the right insentive.

And if the guy cannot change his lazy ways, then you need to realize, he will never change, and will always mooch off of you. If he can't be a man and make money, then he should at the very LEAST be a house husband, and cook & clean. And if he can't even get THAT right, then he is not contributing at all, and he shouldn't be putting all the responsibilty on you.

Answer 4

You're good. I would have kicked his butt out a long time ago. He's a bum. He's not doing any household chores, he's messy, and can't manage his money from his own business? You should have put his crap out long time ago. Wake up and smell the rat. He's not going to change and if he's making you feel guilty, then why are you with him. Let the dead weight go. You can do bad all by yourself. He's not a child and would have to pay rent if he's was on his own, so once again, LET HIS @$$ GO. PUT HIM OUT RIGHT NOW.

Answer 5

You've fooled yourself if you think you've found one of a handful of loyal men. There are MANY others out there that you're not going to find with that guy at your home. Also, you're a fool if you think being loyal means walking all over you but not sleeping with other girls. He sounds like he's just interested in himself.

He sounds like a loser.

Kick him out. I wouldn't even ask for help with the bills again. If you're scared, set up a time for the locksmith to change the locks, don't give him (your boyfriend) a new key, and invite over some friends or co-workers who would help you feel safe - like some big guys. He's a mooch and you're letting him get away with it.

Answer 6

it is time to kick him to the curb! there are other men out there that are loyal but can pay their own way in life.besides this guy is not stupid he knows if he cheats on you his free ride is over.many of us have bad luck, but don't go around using people.that's what he is doing to you.i say get rid of him, he is a loser.trust me he wont be on the streets.don't let him get away with paying you just because he don't want to be kicked out. if he can come up with the money to keep from being kicked out then i guess he can take that money and find some place else to sleep.

Answer 7

You need to start learning about "tough love" and use that education on him. He need to be kicked out and forced to make it on his own. After he has shown you that he can do it then you could consider taking him back. Sounds to me like he doesn't want the responsibility that goes hand in hand with a good relationship. If you were to marry him he would destroy you emotionally and financially. I have seen this happen first hand and have also seen specials on this on several talk shows. You are in a "bad news" situation and if you don't take action soon I'm sure you will be very sorry very soon.

Answer 8

Find some time that both of you can offer your undivided attention to each other. If you don't have time, make time. Tell him how you feel. If he loves you they way he should, he should be receptive to how you feel and what you want. Sometimes, people get in a rut and may not always see what they are doing or not doing. In addition to telling him how you feel, listen to his response and be open-minded to WHATEVER he says. That shows that you are both equal or at least you want both of you to be equal in this equation. If he does not compromise and start owning up to his debts that are suffocating the both of you, give him an ultimatum. Help out more or get out. It doesn't matter how loyal he appears to be. He may just be monogamous because he found someone who supports his habits without any major complaints. That makes you a sucker. Telling him to either help out or get out doesn't make you a bad person or that you don't love him, but in order for this to work out the way you want it, you have to take care of yourself first. If you don't love you, who will?

Answer 9

Wow I thought I had it bad. Sounds like he is getting a free ride. Why should you work your *** off and pay for everything. Im not old fashioned by any means but how can a man not want to provide or at least contribute a little

Answer 10

Honey, you've got yourself a deadbeat and if you've been putting up with it, you've got a problem. Sure he's loyal, why wouldn't he be, he's got everything to lose if he's not.

There are many, many men out there who are loyal and also will help you and take care of their share of the bills or more. Don't be afraid of starting over, you've got the rest of your life to live.

I know this because I was married to a deadbeat and finally got out. I just celebrated my 25th anniversary with the greatest man in the world. Life can be wonderful and YOU deserve someone who will love and appreciate you.

Answer 11

The way I see it is this.....you either accept the way he is, or you do something about it. He is NOT going to. He has proven that for the 6 years he has lived with you......so, make a choice! Let him continue like he is, or make him pay, and help some. If he doesn't, then tell him he has to move out. Good Luck!!