my ex was a complete gentleman to the girl he dated before me and many others, however me and this other girl were the only 2 girls he was a complete jerk to. what could be the reasons?
the similarities between us (me and othe other girl) are that we're both angsty, attractive, not nerdy (like some of the others), have lives of our own (once again, unlike the others), have been sheltered by our fathers and are spontaneous and bold. the other girls he dated are markedly vanilla and not bold or spontaneous at all-- they're predictable. so why is he nicer to boring girls and meaner to me and the other girl who are more exciting?
it doesn't make sense at all.
and the weirder part is that me and that other girl were his longest relationships (he and i dated for over a yr, and he and the other girl dated for 4 months-- all the others were either dumped within a month, or dumped him within a month).
even WEIRDER: his relationship with me and the other girl were the only problematic ones.
2006-11-25 11:23:43 · 7 answers · asked by n0ir_c 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
maybe cuz he liked you but you made him feel inferior so he was mean to you.
2006-11-25 11:33:16 · answer #1 · answered by tamana 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
First of all he was probably intimidated by the fact you were both complete without him. Neither you nor the girl probably ever showed a need for him. Men like to have their ego's stroked as much as girls. And a lot of them feel they must be needed to they will belittle you to make your confidence level drop to the level he desires. Most don't conscience even know that they are doing it. It's a deep rooted psych thing most of the time...NOT always. It's was also probably the fact that you were both daddy's girls too. You had another man in your life. A smart man would know that girls base their choices of companions on their daddy's which is actually quite a compliment in your case.
2006-11-25 19:36:58 · answer #2 · answered by sonkysst 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hold onto your hat, but it has nothing to do with you or any other girl! It has everything to do with him, and only him. As a mental health practitioner for 20+ years, now retired, I can solidly tell you that he is treating you as he treats himself, only he internalizes how he treats himself, until you come along and provide an easy access to externalize how he treats himself. He is extremely demanding of himself, and because of that he may increase his chances for failure in career or relationships, or he may actually succeed very well, but you have nothing to do with it. And no girl will ever have anything to do with it unless she's smart enough and sensitive enough (and I don't mean able to shed tears or woo him or dote on him, but simply be keenly aware of what he's doing to himself as he spells it out to you in how he treats you.). And the funny thing is, you, if you're truly interested in this guy, will have to be very tough in order to endure the pressure, what women like to call "abuse", in order for him to let you close enough to work with him. And, all in all, it shouldn't be longer than 5 to 15 to 20 years, and then he'll be fine. Or, he can just go to another woman and learn from her, or to numerous women throughout his life till he learns what he's trying to learn, but, unless you're just the proverbial pain-in-the-asss-bittch, the way he treats you and the other girl you mention has totally NOTHING to do with you. God Bless you.
2006-11-25 19:43:24 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what to say. I really don't. Did you and the other girl give him more problems than the other girls? No guy should treat girls like that (especially if she is very nice - personality-wise. Otherwise, he is just a complete ***. He just doesn't know what to do in a relationship, period.
2006-11-25 19:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by Chris 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My guess is that he's insecure. While he felt secure enough that the 'vanilla' girls wouldn't leave him, he felt like someone more exciting would more likely be attracted to someone other than him. He is then mean to the girls who he thinks would be more attractive to others, for several reasons: trying to assert his dominance (to ensure those girls don't stray), transferrance of his own feelings of inadequacies upon those girls (meaning its hard to see yourself as inadequate, so in turn we see the others who might see us as inadequate as inadeqaute themselves, and even as a defense mechanism (either drive them away before they leave, or be mean to them so that if they do leave he can claim he wasn't really inetrested in them anyway).
2006-11-25 19:33:44 · answer #5 · answered by Dolf 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't have a clue except that his mind is messed up. Will you be farther ahead than you are now if and when you know why he's screwed up? It's not you.
2006-11-25 19:33:31 · answer #6 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd take a look at his mother, is she friendly or sinister looking? You'd be surprised how many boys are abused by their mothers.
2006-11-25 19:34:03 · answer #7 · answered by Carl-N-Vicky S 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋