What should I do when holidays are so full of stress for me?

Question

It seems that holidays like Thanksgiving are super stressful with family dramas and Christmas is probably the worst of them. What can I do to make this year less stressful and tolerate the holiday better?

Answer 1

First, realize that much of the stress is caused by unrealistic expectations, both from family members AND the media, especially advertisements. I went through this for YEARS until it just got worse as the family grew (siblings began reproducing, for one thing!).

I finally called a "moratorium" on the whole thing, when I was in my late 20's. I explained how stressful it was, and that, though I still loved everyone, I would be spending the holidays alone or with friends.

It did NOT go over well, but I stuck with it and was MUCH happier! I decided that *I* would pick and choose which holidays to attend, not my parents or siblings or in-laws...and certainly not the media!

Now, I keep it REALLY simple. My immediate family concentrates on togetherness, having simple, easy-to-make dinners (get the kids and spouse involved, if possible!) and just gathering and talking.

Also, tell everyone flat out what YOU want and don't want. Stick to it. If you're tired of running around buying tons of presents in crowded malls, then don't do it! One woman I know loves the whole holiday thing but is short on $, so she bakes cookies for everyone.

When my nieces and nephews were younger, I painted pictures and portraits for them & my sibs. These were valued more than anything I ever BOUGHT!

Don't expect perfection. Leave plenty of time for YOU to unwind, however you do it. Eat out! Cook ahead and freeze it. Only make a few things for dinner, not multiple courses, or have a potluck.

The main thing is for YOU to make the decisions, not someone else. It may take awhile, but people will come around. Heck, they MAY even be relieved!

Here are a couple links on holiday stress. The second one is excellent!

Take it slow...!

Answer 2

Situations do not cause stress. What causes you stress is HOW YOU REACT to a situation.

For example you are at a relative's home for a holiday meal. Two of their kids start screaming at each other and fighting. How would you react to the situation?

Some non-stressful ways are:

Realizing they are not your children and it is their parent's responsibility to deal with them not yours.
Mentally shrug your shoulders telling yourself that kids will be kids and continue with what you were doing.
Laugh at the situation. That's right laugh. Laugher releases chemicals into your bloodstream to relax you and make you feel good. It's also contagious. Soon everyone around you will be laughing and smiling as well.

I'm sure you can think of other ways yourself.

Remember, when you feel you are becoming stressed, STOP EVERYTHING. Realize that how you REACT to the situation is totally up to you. Just don't automatically respond as usual.

The turkey burns a little? So what? It's not the first bird to have scorched tail feathers and it won't be the last. Eat around the burned area.

Uncle Bill spilled wine on your snowy white tablecloth? Accidents happen and there are ways to take out wine. Besides, Uncle Bill is more important than your tablecloth.

Your hair isn't perfect and you have to leave in 5 minutes? Relax, the odds are no one will even notice it and if they do, so what? The major networks aren't going to send TV crews out to film your less than perfect hair for broadcast at 10.

Learn that things aren't perfect and neither are people. Accidents and the unexpected happen. They are not earth shattering events.

Stop, think, change your reaction.

Answer 3

Dear DK: I'm sorry the holidays are so stressful -- here are a few hints that I hope will help make them more peaceful and joyful for you this year. You didn't describe the nature of family dramas, but you can decide that you are not going to participate in them. You can do that in a number of ways: If someone wants to talk about the drama, you can say politely and firmly, "I don't want to discuss that now. I'm determined to have a peaceful holiday season this year." Or if the drama is unfolding in front of your eyes, you can excuse yourself and leave. Or if it's at your house you can say, "time to go everyone!" And stick to it. You have zero control over how others behave, but you can control your response. If your stress comes from disagreements about who is going where for the holidays, who is hosting dinner, etc., and who is coming, you can decide where you are going to be and tell the others that you'll see them the next day, or during New Year's, or whenever you can make it. You don't have to run all over. Holiday stress can also be alleviated by doing for others -- there are lots of food drives, toy drives, etc., and you can tell your dramatic relatives, "No, sorry, can't do that today, I'm helping out w/ the food drive," or whatever. I wish you lots of luck and serenity this holiday season! God bless.

Answer 4

Just take a deep breath and relax, try to remember what Christmas is really about, and try to remind your folks in subtle ways, and always keep a smile on you're face. If they don't respond, well, that's their problem. Just do what you're supposed to do. Knowing that you're doing the right thing will definetly make you feel good.

Answer 5

dont fell overwhelmed.
do one thing at a time.
maybe make a list, abuot things that need to be done & scratch them out as you do them, then as a reward to yuorself give yourself a mani or pedi or maybe take a long bath.
good luck!
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