My husband has 2 other kids from a pervious marriage. His other son is making my life a living hell. Last night he took a b-b- gun and shot a window out in my van. Did his dad do anything about it? No, cause its is other son. But when I blew a gasket i was the idoit, cause I was gonna do something about it. We have ( me and my husband ) have 2 children togethter. He says he doesn't treat any of them different. But when his son does something wrong, he doesn't correct him, but he will with my kids. How and what can I do. I am sick of his child. Can anybody give me advice? Please.
2006-11-25 09:45:32 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I live in a traditional asian home and my husband and I had trouble with his daughter for another marriage because she wasn't raisned traditionaly. Finaly it came down to him giving up the child and things became alot better. He could see that her being raised most of the time by another parent that is not traditional was making it difficult for us to raise our other children. He also felt bad for her for no reason other than the fact that things didn't work with her mom nand had trouble punishing her when she was bad. It was a mess and I was expecting our first child together. I was at the end of my rope. I told him to start going to see her somrplace else other then our house to see her. He ended up cheating on me while I was expecting and we almost got divorced. I told him If I took my kids to see someone else while we were together would he want me to keep the kids. He said no and stoped seeing her all thogether. It was the end of it, but we are now alot happier.
Sometimes things like this can ruin a marriage. Tell him how you feel it might turn into a fight, but you really need to lay down the law that this has to end with him letting the other kid rule your lives and not treating him the same as the others and that if he is unable to do that then you are going to lose it and it might end the marriage.
2006-11-25 10:11:36 · answer #1 · answered by desiree d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, let's address the issue.
No guns in my house. End of conversation.
How much does the window cost? How is he going to pay for it? I recommend reimbursement at a buck a chore. Bathroom cleaned Dollar One, trash taken out, Dollar Two, etc.....
And secondly, this child is out of control. He has no respect. Dad needs to be going over on a drop in basis and checking to make sure homework and chores are done at Mom's. Whatever she requires. Just be back-up. As much as possible for now.
Hopefully, if he gets into the kid's daily life instead of every other weekend then issues can be dealt with as they come up and the boy will have a better understanding of appropriate behavior when he's with your family. (This only gets worse if not addressed and then your kids are influenced or worse yet put in a compromising situation....)
Suggest that Mom or Dad enroll the boy in the after school program. (His grades stink, don't they?) Academic support from 3 to 4, and an activity afterwards. My son is required to attend academic support (It's mon thru thurs.) He can opt out on the activity, but since he's grounded from the computer he's been staying for the activity. Also, while parent is on the phone with the school, see if the school counselor won't spend some sessions with him. He may need the individualized support. And you folks need all the backup you can get.
No blaming Mom. Mom kills herself trying to take care of those kids, and that one feels he has a right to ignore anything she says. Dad needs to step in. There is no replacement for a Father when dealing with a Son. No replacement. He has to do it....or did he not read the question from the parents whose kid got arrested?
It's not so much his actions right now but his attitude. Once he's set in the attitude the acting out will become blatant. And real hard to reverse. Catch it now.
2006-11-25 10:40:07 · answer #2 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling actually is the best option, because talking to your husband really isn't going to do anything, he already feels he doesn't see anything wrong.
Suggestion - Keep a record of all the things each child does wrong and the punishment behind it. After awhile take this to your husband, so he can see how he's making a difference, between the kids. Then suggest counseling. Good Luck...
2006-11-25 10:05:13 · answer #3 · answered by mouse in chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to seek counseling, and you should find a counselor for your step-son as well. This is bad. Do not back down on this. You don't know what this boy will do next. I don't know how old he is, but you shouldn't wait until the situation is bad enough that your other children are in danger.
As far as your feelings about the boy, I am sorry that you find yourself able to have such strong dislike for a child. You should express these feelings to a counselor. Privately. It will not do (at this stage) to tell your husband that you don't like his son. I know it's hard, but try to find something to like about the boy. Since he is seeking negative attention, maybe he needs to know somebody cares about what he does.
2006-11-25 10:10:55 · answer #4 · answered by nosleepthree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are just going to have to learn to live with it. Your husband obviously feels guilty and compensates for it by letting the boy get away with things. It is wrong of you to blame the child. It's your husbands fault for allowing the child's bad behavior.
I lived in your situation for a long time until my husband took care of the issues on his own.
How did I survive? When the kids would come over for a visit, I would find something else to do. I'd let him deal with all of the kids all alone. His eyes opened up after a few times doing that. It saved me frustration as well.
2006-11-25 09:50:10 · answer #5 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Clearly this child has some serious discipline problems. I mean he didn't just throw something or hit someone; no, he has stepped it up to using a bb-gun. That's a weapon. That's pretty disturbing. What's even more disturbing is that your husband is exposing the other children to this behavior. He is also not backing you up and not disciplining a child that is out of control. I think it is time for a heart to heart with your husband. And most importantly be consistent, no matter whose kid does something wrong they should receive discipline. It's not about his and hers, they're not towels. They're kids.
2006-11-25 09:53:46 · answer #6 · answered by Atypical 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's my 2 cents worth....Your husband is probably slack in discipline with his children from the prior marriage because he is still carrying around some major guilt over that divorce. I've seen it happen before.
Men don't usually open up about their unresolved issues after divorce, they just cover up their feelings of failure. One way men do that is to "compensate" their children with extra freedom, toys and gifts, etc. It relieves their own guilt.
He probably doesn't even realize it's going on.
2006-11-25 10:23:53 · answer #7 · answered by upside down 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling maybe. Y'all need to have a talk. The kid might be doing this for attention, jealous, or upset or maybe being rebellious feeling left out. A counselor might help figure this out. Good Luck!
2006-11-25 09:51:51 · answer #8 · answered by vato 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your husband about this...what if he would of shot one of your kids or the neighborhood kids...this is serious and he needs to see that he favors his son before the kids that you have together_
2006-11-25 09:49:06 · answer #9 · answered by Chickybabe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably he does not do anything because he simply no longer cares about that son but he does care about yours.
If he pampers him a lot, then he definitely loves his son more than yours, talk to him about that.
2006-11-25 09:52:14 · answer #10 · answered by popcorn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋