if you love someone and have been with them nearly 12 years but they are not making you happy and havent....?

Question

for some time should you stick it out and maybe it will get better or break up?

Answer 1

It WON'T get better unless you two get therapy.. NOW would be good!

Answer 2

More info girl!! It depends on how long you have been unhappy and is it just certain things he's doing you are unhappy about or are you just unhappy period? Is your relationship strong enough to where you can talk to him about being unhappy to where maybe he can put forth more effort into trying to make you happy? Could it just be that the two of you have been together so long that you have just kind of gotten stuck in a rut? Try making some time for yourself without him. Live life a little to pick you up. When you are with him try doing new things together. If you talk to him and he knows you are feeling this way, if he wants to keep you he may surprise you by being willing to do new things to improve your relationship. You say you love hime in your first few words, so definitely work on this together. If you do not feel that talking to him alone or making sugesstions will help, then read some self help books in regards to marriage and relationships and if you are able to get him to go or are willing youself try some couples therapy or attend some couples group activities. Sign up to do some things together as a couple and meet other interesting couples whose vibes may rub off onto your own relationship. 12 years is a long time and it's human nature to get bored easily. Give it some time and try what you can to slavage the feelings of happiness you use to have. 12 years is too many years to give up on without putting forth effort. Don't do something that you may not be able to undo and regret later. Best wishes to you. I believe after 12 years though that the two of you once you talk things out will be able to stick it out...considering you two made it this far already!

Answer 3

12 years is a lot of time and emotions invested, however, if they haven't made you happy for the better part of your relationship, then I wonder why you didn't end things sooner. I understand that you probably stayed in hope that things will get better but you say things are still bad.

In all this time, I am sure you both have made some effort in mending what it is that's wrong with your relationship. If it didn't work, then you are both not as compatible as you thought. Parting ways will be the best thing for the both of you, you both will notice how much happier you will be - especially when you end up finding the person that makes you happy and realize what you've been missing.

being in a failing relationship that doesn't have any potential of better days is unhealthy.

Answer 4

Is the person making you miserable? That is the question. Otherwise, if love is present between you two, then maybe you two need to recommit to the relationship, get counseling and focus on one another. Communication is key!

It is very easy to take one another for granted after being in a relationship for that long. I was in a relationship for 13 years and left only to end up in a nonsense relationship. I mean, I wouldn't wish what I experienced on my worst enemy. Either way, me and the 13 year man have found ourselves back in a platonic friendship that makes me appreciate one another on a whole new level.

Bottom line, before you run away from what you might consider a stale relationship, talk to your mate and really listen. If you two lasted this long, there must be something there.

Answer 5

I wouldn't stick it out,if you aren't happy there is a reason. You can love someone and not be living with them. Have you tried counseling by the way,that might be a better way to go first before moving out? Also what about having an honest conversation with the other person telling them of your honest feelings? I don't mean to be wishy washy about my answer to you,but I know when I wasn't happy it wasn't going to work,so I left,but your situation might be totally different,maybe try the suggestions first then if all else fails,think of moving on. Good luck

Answer 6

You say you love someone for 12 years and now your sick of them. They get on your nerves or whatever. May be best to live apart awhile and if you still feel the same, time to do some traveling. But I forgot how would you feel if you seen him with someone else all cozy. what would happen then. Kissing her just before making out what would do them.

Answer 7

Define happy.
If you are married, then you have to have to ask yourself what has changed and what has to happen before you are happy again.
If you are a couple, ask yourself if maybe your partner is unhappy too.
You say you are in love, but you are not happy. You can't be happy all the time. Life gives you ups and downs. As long as the love is there, things have a way of going through different phases.

Answer 8

Stick it out, life is full of ups and downs. Don't give up. Try working on yourself to make you a better person.

Answer 9

You make it sound like he is the only reason that you aren't happy. Maybe before you throw it all away, you need to get to the root of the problem. Maybe it is something that you are doing wrong. Just do a lot of searching first. Then do what you have to do.

Answer 10

Give you and him a break, like you can go to a vacation alone or something, just a short one. Then think about your relationship, if you miss him to death, if your relationship appears clearly good to you, if you can't live without him, then you should end your vacation earlier and come back to him. To make sure, you can ask him to do the same thing.
Otherwise break up.

Answer 11

You should the answer before you asked it honey.

If things are not great after 12 years, then may be its time to pull the plug.