My girlfriend has low self-esteem - Girls, I need your know-how...?

Question

OK, so like I said, she has low self-esteem. The other day she mentioned that she needed new shirts. She has had the same wardrobe for the past 3 or 4 years. They dont fit anymore because she has grown and her chest had gained 3 sizes. Her mom told her that she neded to take up running again because she was getting heavy. Now, I know that she is not overweight, but she is getting depressed about this comment and is starting to call herself fat and saying that she is overweight. She is close to 6'3" and only weighs 145. I am 5'6"-5'8" and I eigh more than her, granted I am male, but still, she is taller and weighs less, while being a woman and having a chest. I think she is doing fine, almost no ounce of fat on her. Girls, is there anything that I can do or say to help her. I understand that it will not be an instant fix, not what I am looking for, I want something to help raise her self-esteem. -- Any questions or PM comments would be appreciated at [e-mail]

OK, so like I said, she has low self-esteem. The other day she mentioned that she needed new shirts. She has had the same wardrobe for the past 3 or 4 years. They dont fit anymore because she has grown and her chest had gained 3 sizes. Her mom told her that she neded to take up running again because she was getting heavy. Now, I know that she is not overweight, but she is getting depressed about this comment and is starting to call herself fat and saying that she is overweight. She is close to 6'3" and only weighs 145. I am 5'6"-5'8" and I eigh more than her, granted I am male, but still, she is taller and weighs less, while being a woman and having a chest. I think she is doing fine, almost no ounce of fat on her. Girls, is there anything that I can do or say to help her. I understand that it will not be an instant fix, not what I am looking for, I want something to help raise her self-esteem. -- Any questions or PM comments would be appreciated at [e-mail]

I would like to thank everyone for their ideas, so many of them are sooooo goos, many I already do...any more advise would be loved.....

Need some new suggestions please, these all sound the same.....they are good, I just need some variance.....

Answer 1

I think that part of the problem is our society. We have totally unrealistic ideas about how people - Women in particular - are supposed to look. It becomes difficult to be okay with who you are when you don't measure up to the models. (even the guys who are losing their hair have these issues.) It seems like we are becoming more and more superficial. I have even heard someone remark to someone else that they didn't think somebody else could have any problems because they were so pretty. Imagine that - all my problems could be solved - if only I were pretty enough .... .... usually is not a case. Recommend her Montignac lifestyle. it will change all her world

Answer 2

Well i'd say it's great you care about her,and you sound like a good guy. I think you being there for here will even help her. Tell her,her body image is ditorted if she thinks sh'es fat! For her height she should maybe even weigh more that only 145! I'm a little over 5'7",and when I weighed only that much I was a toothpick practically. I one had a very bad distorted body image and always thought that though I may not be the size of the unviverse",but just because my thighs needed some"flab removal" then that must've meant I was fat.!Aleast my lower body. When all I needed to do was tone up that particular area.I went to modeling school and I know what I mean when I say this, that most runway models are around her height and weight,and maybe she should look into that, Even if for a hobby,and that the new model look in NOT too thin. That look is OUT,WAY out! Hope this helps!

Answer 3

well ..you can say something liek this

"I dont know why you think you are fat, because you're not. I love you just the way you are and i wouldnt change a single thing about you. Your mom probably said you are getting heavier because she's having problems with her own weight, and you're an easy target to hit to make herself feel better. Believe me, you're so perfect to me."

or something along those lines, kinda add your personality to it to make it not seem planned or anythign ... anyways .. if you want her self-esteem to get better you need to tell her what you think of her ... it'll start making her imperfections not matter and her perfections stand out. But, liek you said, its not goign to be easy because once a mind thinks of somethign its goign to be kind of hard to change it so you need to keep saying she looks beautiful and stuff liek that without complete over-doing it because it wont seem true ...

i have low self-esteem too .. granted, its gotten better because of my wonderful boyfriend sayign nice things to me ^_^ you just need to do the same for her and let her know that you love her and that shes perfect to you ...

hope that helped ya out some

Answer 4

Try going on walks with her at night and talking to her. I am the same way as her, I had to get on antidepressants because I started to become anorexic. Have her look in the mirror and find one thing about herself that she likes and make her emphasize that. Exercise with her say come on honey lets go for a walk or lets go to the gym do things with her so she does not feel that she is signled out. Also tell her not to listen to her mom because she is not fat at all.

Answer 5

i think that her mom might be a little jealous. You should tell her that she has no reason to let her mom's comments get to her.
you should tell your girlfriend that she is perfect the way she is, and that she is beautiful, any chance you get. ((but mean it with all your heart))

you can also show her a chart comparing height and weights.

there is also a way you can calculate body mass (bmi) by using this formula: (that way you can show her that she is normal)

BMI= weight(lbs) x 703 then divide it by her HEIGHT (squared) (in inches)

when you get the answer see how it fits in the following:

underweight= BMI less than 18.5
Normal weight= BMI of 18.5 through 24.9
Overweight= BMI of 25 through 29.9
Obese=BMI of 30 or greater


my sister also has a poor self esteem and i showed her my calculations according to this chart and it seemed to help a bit.

best wishes

Answer 6

some signs and indications comprise her asking a million) do you adore me? 2) am I enormously? 3) am I enormously like her (once you're staring at yet another female 4) putting all different women human beings down, no rely if or no longer deserved 5) depressed 6) crying over stupid issues 7) jealousy over you and acquaintances 8) clingy Many extra signs and indications, yet this gives you you a head start up on what to hunt for.

Answer 7

Tell her you think shes cool.
Tell her why you think shes cool.
Know her smell.
Hold her hand and skip.
Hold her hand and run.
Just hold her hand.
Pick flowers from other peoples gardens and give them to her.
Tell her she looks pretty.
Tell her she looks beautiful.
Introduce her to your friends as the most wonderful girl you know.
Tell everyone about her.
Sit in the park and talk to her.
Take her to cool shops and clubs and places you know.
Tell her stupid jokes.
Write her notes and letters.
Just walk around with her.
Text her late at night to tell her you're thinking of her.
Get drunk with her.
Look after her when she's drunk too much.
When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
Hold her hand.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Call her.
Call her back if she calls you.
Sing to her, listen to her sing.
Carve your names into a tree.
Get her mad, then kiss her.
Give her space if she needs it.
Push her on swings.
Stay up with her all night.
Teach her things you know.
Lend her your CDs.
Write on her.
Write her more letters.
If she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even if it means a 5 hour trip.
Dont tell her that her favorite bands suck.
When shes sad, hang out with her or stay
on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything.
Buy her ice cream.
Let her take all the photos of you she wants.
Look into her eyes.
Slow dance with her, even if the music is fast.
Kiss her in the rain.
When you fall in love let her catch you.
Share the moments that most people forget with her.
Tell her you trust her.
Trust her to trust you, and give her your soul.
Understand her and let her understand you.
Don't stop telling her. Ever.

Answer 8

Well tell her she is beautiful, tell her the things you like about her. Maybe next weekend take her out to do the things that she likes to do and just talk. And just let her know you love her and that she is perfect the way she is.

Answer 9

just tell her shes beautiful. Dont let her mother tell her that she is overweight when she is NOT. Just dont poke fun at her or stare at her body all the time and just act like all that matters on her are her eyes. and that is ALL you look into =]. that would be realllly sweet

Answer 10

first of all get her mother to tell her again that she is too thin, as she was the one who made her feel bad in the first place. tell her mother what she have just done to your girl. further more she need to eat healthy, before she suffers from anaeroxia, try to tell her that you like her the way she is.