love and friendship?

Question

I have a best male friend and we r close and care for each other Now he has a gf Am I still important to him? I called him on a saturday for about 3 mins but when i tried to call again he put phone down on me and sent a text saying he wasnt alone and calling twice in a day would make his gf suss I am offended as I have helped this friend lots We r friends and cant friends call twice in day? Also i am 27 years older than him so I dont think she would panic lol

Answer 1

I think you tht wat he said was tru and correct but the WAY he said it was wrong and kinda rude.
If he is a really good friend(i think) he should have taken the trouble to TELL(not txt u) u tht he has a gurlfriend and tht he wanted sumtime alone with her.It could well be tht at tht moment they were busy at tht moment and he didnt really think twice.
She wud have paniced more if he put the fone down in front of her and then said it was nothing than if he talked to you in front of her. She wud have understood straight away tht u are just a friend.
Or do u want to be more than a friend......?

Answer 2

If your Male friend was already in a relationship & then met you, I could perhaps understand his concerns. But as you have clearly been his friend for quite some time before he met his current G/F then I really cannot understand his behaviour. You mention that at times of need you've always been there for him, I too would be offended at the way he is handling this situation.

If he hasn't the gumption to "stand up" for this friendship he has forged with you against this new person that has come into his life then I guess perhaps he wasn't the friend you clearly thought he was. My Daughter (aged 22) has many Male friends. One in particular she (a while ago) had a relationship with, This Guy (I'll call him M to save confusion) has helped my Daughter through many situations even being there for her when she split with the Father of her little Boy. We all know that M still Loves my Daughter (he admits it freely, bless him) My Daughter isn't in love with M but she does love him dearly as the Guy that apart from growing up with was always there for her.

She has in the past 7 months been seeing & getting quite serious with a new Guy. At first he wasn't happy at all about M calling on the phone or at her home. But my Daughter made it clear right from the start & always has that any new B/F will have to get their head around the fact that M is in here life. She knows they (M & her) will never have a sexual relationship either now or in the future but ; he will always be her friend & she his. Her attitude to any Guy that she has dated is "you wouldn't be complaining if M was a Girl so what’s the problem now"?

My Daughter is adamant that no-one will come between her & her friends whether they are male or female. She has no intention of getting rid of or giving the cold shoulder to anyone that has stood by her in her hour of need. Her new B/F has got over the jealousy & now at times even invites M along to certain places they may be going to.

I admire my Daughter for this. Quite honestly your Male friend is being an idiot. He doesn't even know if this new G/F will last, what if it doesn't, will he then want you calling him up twice a day again, will he then feel that you're his friend so should once again be there for him?

I know this sounds really hard but if he continues to behave like this rather than making his new G/F accept the relationship you both have then he doesn't deserve your friendship. It may be that his G/F is insecure about the relationship you have with her new found man & expressed her concerns....he may just be falling in line. As for being 24 years older than him, I don't think that makes any difference. I'm 24 yrs older than my Husband. To his G/F you are a Female therefore a threat.

The up-side to this is...you are obviously seen as attractive by at least your Male friend otherwise he wouldn't think there was anything his G/F could "assume" anything about.

Whatever his fears he still lacks what it takes to stand up for you. I'm sorry to you for that, but in many ways I pity him that he's behaving so weak, behaviour he may one day regret.
It can be the hardest lesson in the world to learn that the friend we thought we had we didn’t at all.
I wish you well & hope things get sorted out in a positive way, I feel however that you may have to give your friendship to someone that will appreciate it more.

Answer 3

I understand your predicament.... and I agree, it sounds a little ridiculous. However, it may be a good idea to give your friend a little space. I'm not saying to stop calling.. but maybe just be understanding. If this girl is really jealous of other women... I can't imagine them lasting very long. Another option would be to become friends with her as well... so she doesn't feel threatened. I don't really think age is a factor... relationships come in all shapes and sizes these days and most relationships evolve from friendships. Let your friend know that you are there for him no matter what... and realize that friendships aren't always perfect.... the ones that last are the ones that adjust as situations change. Best of luck!!!

Answer 4

I think its only fair what he has asked you to do. I would think it suss if a girl was phoning my husband twice a day put yourself in his shoes please before slating him.

If youre b/f knew what you were doing, he may well react the same way. His best friend really will be the person who he stays with for the rest of his life, his girlfriend so take a back seat otherwise you will lose him.

Answer 5

well im sure if his girlfriend knew he had a close female friend,especially one thats not a threat then she wouldnt mind you speaking to him,does she know about you? is it her thats making this an issue? im in a similar situation.my boyfriend has a female best friend,she rings him up at least once a day for hours at a time.hes known her a lot longer than me so is extremely close to her.who am i to complain? im not saying i like it but i have to accept it.i disagree with the first answer,i dont think he should push you aside.he should explain to his gf who you are and she should accept that.

Answer 6

It is quite possible that his girlfriend has said something about how much you contact each other and us girls can get quite green eyed and irational. Don't take it too much to heart because if you had a bf he probably wouldn't like a guy calling you. When 2 of my closest friends got together I had to stop calling my male friend because my girlfriend didn't like it and she knew me really well!!!! It's just human nature.

Answer 7

Yes you are still important to him he just doesn't want his new girlfriend to think you are anything more than a friend. Tell him how you feel and if you are good friends then you can come to some kind of arrangement. He just doesn't want to mess things up for them as some people aren't understanding about people having friends of opposite sex.

Answer 8

I think you r insecure in ur relationship with him... obviously he cares but he has spilt up his priorities now. Its fine if u call him twice a day... but it also depends on what u talk abt.
Give him a little bit of room and support him with his gf

Answer 9

sad situation. he is mixed up and knows the girlfriend needs to be catered to at all costs. you see them from a much more mature angle which they are not yet able to see. give him some time to adapt and hopefully he will come around, but don't hold your breath. You may ask yourself what was in the relationship with you for him. If it was a love or lust for you, you have just been replaced.

Answer 10

Well I think he has made his point . Not nice tho that he hung up on you. As far as being important to him I think that maybe you still are but he has a G/F and wants to get to know her.Let him be.