Hubby's friend is having some folks over tonight for his (friend's) bday. Hubby hasn't had time to spend with his friends in awhile. We are both invited but I just don't have the same interests as his friends. Also if we both go, we have to be home by 11 to let the dog out; if I stay, he can go for as long as he wants, and I can go out with my friends later. So I'm deciding to go or not. I have a jealousy problem and only want to go so that he comes home early and so I know what he's up to. So I know I won't have fun if I go. So I'm thinking to just encourage him to go happily and let him have a good time and TRUST him. However another part of me thinks I should start giving his friends a chance. Part of me says its not necessary to join them all the time and it would be good for both of us to go do our own thing. I am 99% in favour of staying in and maybe hanging with my friends later on. I think only my jealousy and the thought that I may regret a chance to get to know his friends.
2006-11-25 07:13:28 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks for all your responses. I've read them and thought about and decided to let him go alone. I told him I appreciate how much he's been doing at home (our dog is a puppy, I've been working late so hubby is with puppy all the time) and that I feel bad that if we both go he has to come home early, so I'll stay behind and maybe go out with my friends later. He's never given me reasons not to trust him and you're right, a short time coupled with my long face would make it horrid. As for dealing with my jealousy, counselling is already happening and thats why I'm thoughtful but there is room for more. I'm going to just force myself to do this - the guy deserves a break - and be as loving as I can and avoid the 20 questions when he's back and just let him be. Thanks for all your help... esp for those who have been in similar situations.
2006-11-25 10:56:50 · update #1
you can tell him
:> peace
.
2006-11-28 18:23:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to get over the jealousy issue, Ask yourself these questions has he ever gave you a reason to not trust him? Has he ever said something to make you feel this insecure with yourself that you cannot let him be a man on his own sometimes. I think that you are being a bit hypocritical as well, you go out with your friends alone but he has to be with you 24/7 how fair is that?
Let him go and be with his friends and live a life, I mean you go everywhere with him, he needs to be a man.
2006-11-25 15:56:14 · answer #2 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let him go himself and trust him. If you dont have trust in a relationship you dont have much. Also he might not want to leave early and you will be putting a damper on his night out if you are sitting there with a long face. He hasnt seen his friends in a while so he is entitled to hang out with them...you arent both joined at the hip and you shouldnt be. You both need some time to yourself now and again. You know you dont get along with his friends so let him go and have a good time and you have a good time with yours later.
2006-11-25 15:20:38 · answer #3 · answered by dragonrider707 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound thoughtful. It's good to recognize your own problem with your jealousy, and great that you trust him enough to be leaning towards letting him go alone.
As far as getting to know these friends of his vs. testing your jealousy, why not go every other time he visits these ones, until the point that you always want to go or always want to stay home, depending on how you feel about them?
2006-11-25 15:19:35 · answer #4 · answered by Leo F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think we've all had to go to social events that we thought we wouldn't enjoy. I have tried to deal with it by engaing people in conversations to find out if there is anything that they know or do that could possibly interest me. Surprisingly, I have found out that it has worked for me every time. Part of it is that I think I'm a good interviewer. Part of it is that I may be more curious that most folks and I'm told I'm a good listener. And part of it is that I have been fortunate.
Give his friends a chance.
2006-11-25 15:28:45 · answer #5 · answered by jackbutler5555 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they invited you, then that shows that they like you and that you are welcome. If I were you, go to the party to show your hubby that you like his friends and support him(it sounds dumb, but...). Then at 11:00, you can tell your hubby that you are going home to let the dog out, and he can stay and have some fun. And that he can call you when he is ready to come home, or have one of his friends drop him off. It is about compromise. Or, stay at the party a couple hours, then you can go chill with your friends. Don't think the worst. Have fun. Good luck! :)
2006-11-25 15:24:30 · answer #6 · answered by metallicachic82 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let him have the night with his friends, but I do know how you feel. I have the same problem, and I know staying home you will probably worry about him. Try and give him some space, unless he has given you a reason not to trust him.
2006-11-25 15:49:24 · answer #7 · answered by veronica c 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel sorry for your husband. You have alot of issues. Why can't you just go and be pleasant to everyone? You will soon have no friends at all if this is how you are. As for the jealousy, you are going to ruin your marriage. Without trust there can be no love. You have some growing up to do.
2006-11-25 15:23:25 · answer #8 · answered by notyou311 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go especially if you will be hounding him for details when he gets home. I have a jealousy problem too. I know I would be a basket case all night long imaging he's fooling around while he's out. My mind would be thinking up all kinds of horrible things that he is doing. So when he got home I would have already convinced myself he did something and proceed to make him miserable for the next couple of days pushing him to confess to something he probably didn't even do. Go, get to know his friends better and promise yourself you will get some kind of counseling for your jealousy problem soon. I got help and it is easier for me to let my significant other go without me somewhere.
2006-11-25 15:27:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Jealousy can be a terrible thing. Wish him an enjoyable evening, and when he gets home act happy to see him. Don't 20 question him just love on him and let him know that no other woman could make him feel as loved or as good in bed as you can. He will respect you, and it can only make the relationship stronger.
2006-11-25 15:19:18 · answer #10 · answered by FANNY 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes you just have to do what you want to do and this is on of those times. If you're not going to go with the attitude of having fun then there's no point in you going. Don't be jealous of your husbands friends. Let him go out and let his hair down. It's healthy. Explain to him the reasons you don't want to go. I'm sure he'll understand. Especially if he loves you.
Rich
2006-11-25 15:48:42 · answer #11 · answered by Roll'n Bluntz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋