HELP ME to stop obsessing!!!?

Question

Okay, here's the scenario. I found out(a week ago) that my boyfriend of three years was unfaithful to me a year ago. i confronted him of course, and he gave me his lame excuse(partially my fault). he was soooo sorry and apologetic and has been on "good behavior" ever since. But whenever he goes to work, and im not around him, thats all i think about is what he did. he really broke my heart. its been a week and i still break down and cry when i think about it. should i talk to him AGAIN and tell him how i feel? isnt he going to get sick of hearing my sobby story? I want him to know that he broke my heart. what should i do?

Answer 1

While it happened a year ago, it feels like recently since you only just found out. That he partially blamed you for his transgression is another red flag. You are obsessing because part of you wants to hang onto the relationship and you know that it is in trouble.

WHat will telling him again accomplish? WHat do you think to gain? Do you hope he will console and comfort and reassure you? WIll that be enough for you? You say you want to be heard, that you want him to know that he broke your heart.

Honey, you broke your own heart. What he did he did to himself and for himself. It has NOTHING to do with you, no matter what he says. The reason you hurt is you still want to be with him even though he has shown himself to be untrustworthy. You cannot control him and you now know you cannot trust him. He couldn't even take full responsibility for his actions.

You are afraid to lose the false image you had of him and are mad at him for being other than what you want. He was unfaithful, nothing can change that, not even your forgiveness.

You don't have to break up with him. If you start to act jealous, insecure and needy, he will break up with you. Be good to yoursel, be true to yourself and mend your heart, and know that you are precious.

Answer 2

Yes he will get tired of hearing you sob about it, but you have every right to. Girl in most cases one never gets ove an affair because of the constant reminders. What I would do now is tell him that you need time without him, start being with friends family, or going out as friends with another man. You need to stay busy and really stay away from the boyfriend for a while to show him that he has hurt you deeply and that you will not stand for this kind of relationship. If it is meant to be and you still love him after a couple of months you both need to start over from the begining. If he really loves you he will try to win you back during this time, and thats the time to explain that you need space to think. He'll know you are a strong woman and REALLY not going to have this unnecessary problem in your relationships.

Answer 3

When you found out that your boyfriend was unfaithful to you a year ago. you confronted him about it but you stayed with him-now you can't trust him anymore-if you have lost the trust and faith in him why are you still with him-he didn't break your heart that bad you are still with him-just remember if he did it to you once he will do it to you a second time because he know that you will take him back again-a leopard never changes his spots.

Answer 4

Your insecurity ,self esteem and trust issues are just that, (your issues). This is not to say he was not wrong in what he did. However; there is little he can say or do that will resolve *your issues*If you want to give him another chance then by all means do, but don't torture him or yourself in the process.Don't take this as a slam ,but if you have experienced self esteem or insecurity issues prior to this incident and feel there may be a pattern,go talk to a councilor my old lady has these types of issues and it is a bummer for both.

Answer 5

Okay, so he cheated on you, had a year to tell you, then blamed it on you. If you feel you can't get past his indiscretions, but still love him, then I suggest counseling....for both of you. He needs to know how you feel. And in the end, if he gets tired of hearing your "sob story", and leaves, then all the better. If I were you, I would kick him to the curb. There isn't any reason why you need to blame yourself for what he did. Think of it this way, if he loved you, instead of cheating on you, he should have talked to you and told you what he was missing from you. He is pathetic, so don't bring yourself down to his level. Good luck! :)

Answer 6

you know what sucks the most when u find out that someone cheats on you is, that you most likely will never trust him again. and if you think you are then your lying. because like you said. your always have it in the back of our head. bringing up your feelings to him can probably get old pretty quick. and that itself might ruin your relationship.

the only thing i suggest is to try and really get over it or move on. you can't go on driving yourself crazy over this,

Answer 7

O.K. This guy is not marriage material, so why continue the relationship. He cheated on you before, chances are very good that he'll do it again.

And, I don't understand for one second why you admit fault for his actions. He chose to cheat, he chose to lie to you...so where is this your fault? I suggest that you find someone else and let this guy go.

Answer 8

It is called trust. It will take a long time for you to regain your trust back in him. Just try to let him know that you need to be reassured a lot until the trust comes completeky back. Hopefully, he has learned his lesson.

Answer 9

You either get over it and risk it happening again.... OR you leave him! If he looked for "something else" I believe that there is something missing in your relationship, and he will eventually need to look for it again.

Answer 10

If you don't stop obsessing and move past this...you will destroy the relationship with jealously...if he does it again..bounce!