I am in love w/ this woman at my work and she is married w/ 3 kids. She is everything I could ever want in a woman. She doesn't know i am gay and we are just starting to be friends. I am recently divorced w/ two kids myself. only two people know that i am gay. I am hoping everyday that when i do tell her i am gay that she won't withdraw from me. her friendship means so much to me and i don't want to jeopordize it. I am also hoping she might have a crush on me as well. Any advice??? I know i should just try to stop liking her because if she isn't gay then i will just be hurting myself but when you find someone that is everything you could ever want and MORE than it is hard to just let that slip through your fingers.
also here is a link to my journal. http://lostat21.livejournal.com/
2006-11-25 06:56:45 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You answered the question yourself. Yes she can be gay. In this situation though, you may want to just put your cards on the table and not waste any unnecessary time...hers or yours.
2006-11-25 06:58:41 · answer #1 · answered by tjjone 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First off, she could be attracted to women. That said, be very careful. It is very easy to project feelings on another, just because you want them to feel like you do. Also, even if she's attracted to women, that doesn't mean she's not in love with her husband and won't think an affair with you would threaten that. A husband and children is a life not given up easily, no matter what the reason.
Unless you think this person is homophobic, I don't think she will quit being your friend just because you tell her you're gay. Some probing questions, ahead of time on her feelings about gay people would help. However, simply coming out is done everyday, without any romantic intent.
Telling her will give you more insight into how she feels toward you. If she becomes more friendly, more physical contact, then she will likely have feelings for you. If she is more careful about touching and is careful clearly acting as a friend, then you know she's not interested in you romantically.
2006-11-25 07:36:50 · answer #2 · answered by Radagast97 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
She may be gay or bi. There is a book called Married women who love women. And for the record just because she is married and gay/bi does NOT mean she is cheating or that her marriage cannot continue. That would be a polyamorous relationship.
And not all women who get married who find out they are gay only did it to satisfy their societal duty or out of fear. They could have possibly fallen in love with this man (it can happen LoL)
All this to say, you will never know until you ask her. But I would not come out and do that. This will take time. ARe you all close friends? Do you have her and your best interest at heart? Do you expect her to leave her marriage? Would you be okay with her remaining married and having a relationship with you if her husband was okay with you all (NOT talking a 3some here, just her being honest with her husband totally)?
I agree though that she shouldn't withdraw from you if you tell her you are gay. If she is true friend and as wonderful as you say she will accept you unconditionally.
My suggestion is to give it time and not rush anything. Be honest with her about your sexuality and see where things go. Be honest with you and her.
Wishing you all the best :)
p/s surf the net, there are several online groups for women in your situation. Look for the ones that focus on married women who are gay or bi. They can offer many perspectives.
2006-11-25 08:43:17 · answer #3 · answered by Sugah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you are asking for advise on how to break up a marriage and a family basically. I'll pass. I just hope the woman finds out your real intentions soon enough. Some friend.
2006-11-25 07:05:50 · answer #4 · answered by h nitrogen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you are hoping that she will be more than a friend.
But, at any rate, you shouldn't pursue a romantic relationship.
For one thing, I think any kind of extramarital sexual relations are wrong, whether homosexual or heterosexual.
But in addition to that, in this case, you'd be trying to break up a family.
Her husband and kids would be left without a wife and mother.
That's just sad.
Please don't be so selfish.
2006-11-25 07:01:39 · answer #5 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Step 1. Find out hwo she feels about homosexuality in general, either by talking politics or movies or something with homosexuality in it.
Step 2. Find out how she feels about lesbians
Step 3. Reveal yourself
Step 4. Flirt
If she freaks at any step, abort abort!!!
2006-11-25 06:59:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes she could be, some people get married just to fulfill the the notion of a family as most right wing radicals state it should be. but if she is married leave her alone till she decides not to live that life anymore and is a lesbian and comes out. and if she is str8 then just be her friend
2006-11-25 07:01:37 · answer #7 · answered by Ron N 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart... and if she wont be a friends b/c you are gay then I wouldn't want a friend like that. Friends stick by each other thru thick or thin. Good luck!
2006-11-25 06:59:48 · answer #8 · answered by Queen of Kings 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have had gay friends my whole life and never felt that turning them straight was needed i still felt they were handsome or fun but there were plenty of straight guys for me to fantasize about i have always had guy friends and limited girl friends i just do not like the female crap that a lot of women do
2016-03-29 08:41:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she is happily married. why do you want her to cheat? You should withdraw from her and get over your feelings.
It is not because you are gay, it is because she is married. Infidelity is very painful, for the spouse and the children too.
2006-11-25 07:03:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋