Am I obligated to go to the funeral of my ex-mother-in-law, and the grandmother of my children?

Question

My children will already be attending with their father.

Answer 1

do it for your kids, you are obligated somehow.

:> peace
.

Answer 2

Everyone's giving some decent advice, based on their personal preference.

Ultimately, the decision to go or not has to be your own.

If I were in your situation, I would take a lot of factors into account:

* How old your kids were (the older they were, the more they consciously would appreciate things; still, even younger children might be confused by the funeral service and feel more secure with Mom around)

* Who had custody (if you have custody and your husband is just picking them up to take them, or has them that weekend, then it seems easier for you to go; if your husband has custody, then you are definitely isolated from the event)

* How long ago you had gotten divorced (a more recent divorce might be more incentive to go, since you were more recently connected, although if the divorce was bad then it would be the opposite; if you have been divorced a LONG time and you really lost touch with his parents, then there is less importance involved in your showing up)

* the conditions of the divorce itself (whose "fault" it might have been, and how "ugly" the break-up was -- obviously a worse breakup, where his parents really disliked you, would put a wall up)

* distance, time, commitment needed to go (do you need to take off work a whole day), etc. The more convenient it is to go, then the more likely chance I'd go.

I could probably come up with some other things as well. The thing here is this: How much do you want to support your husband, children, (and potentially, if he still lives) your ex-father-in-law during this time of mourning?

One thing all people retain in common, even if they've had a big falling out, is that we all know what it's like to lose someone we love(d).

If you can go in the right spirit, sympathizing with the bereaved and if you can find it within yourself to support them in their time of loss, I think it would be a wonderful thing for you to go. That is definitely the "best case" -- a way you can give to others and maybe help heal any rift that occurred when you divorced. It would also be a wonderful example for your kids, if they're old enough to understand it, and give them added security.

If you know that your going will just cause more tension and stress for everyone concerned, then out of kindness to them and yourself I would avoid going. I would probably still send cards and extend sympathies to your ex, since it's hard when anyone loses a parent.

You have to decide what you can do in a "good" spirit, and what is most helpful to everyone in this painful time. Good luck, and I hope things work out for everyone.

Answer 3

No you are not obligated to go to the funeral of your ex mother-in law and the grandmother of your children,but you would be supporting your children,that is their grandmother,even if you didn't like her-forget all of that now she is gone now-but your children are still here-give them all of the support that you are able to give them -they need you now-think about them and not your feelings about your mother-in-law-she is dead-she don't care if you go to the funeral are not-she don't know and don't care if you are there-but your kids do

Answer 4

i don't see the way you may not bypass given the certainty which you have prevalent the female for 30 years. what's with that lady pal of yours? Does she choose you to disrespect each individual interior the universe on the grounds which you and your ex spouse parted amicably? i think of you may desire to bypass attend the two the funeral abode besides because of the fact the funeral itself. And, once you're there, it won't be a bad thought which you would be able to supply some severe attention on the subject of the style of lady pal you have precise now.

Answer 5

I wouldn't say you are obligated to.But you are your children's mother and our children get their cues on how to behave in certain situations from us we are their most important teachers.And this is a good opportunity for you to teach your children about respect for life.The point of attending a funeral is to pay your respects to the person and the family they left behind.Regardless of your feelings for your ex-mother-in-law you should go to pay your respects not necessarily respect to her in general but to show you have respect for human live and acknowledge the fact that a life is over.

Answer 6

I am a firm believer in this saying, If I didn't mess with you when you were alive I am not going to mess with you when you are dead. In other words if you didn't like her (and if the feeling was mutual), then don't go. Your children SHOULD go and as you stated they are already going with their father. But if there was no animosity between the two of you then why not go pay your last respects to her. You are NEVER under any obligation to go.

Answer 7

You're not obligated at all, but no matter what your prior relationship with her or her family might have been, it would be a kind gesture and one that would strengthen bonds with part of your childrens' biological family.

Not to be flip, but you'll never see the woman again after this.

Answer 8

I know that this is going to sound shallow but it depends...Were you on good terms with her? Were your children close to her? I would go out of respect of her being their grandmother. Sometimes people don't stop being family because they are divorced....especially when there are children involved.

Answer 9

Out of respect for your children, you should attend the service.

Answer 10

It is really up to you. If you hate her, then don't go. Unless you want to take your children. They will probably appreciate it later, when they are older, that you overcame your resentment at the woman and her son for the good of the children.

Answer 11

I think it would be best to go, she was the kids grandmother, and I think it would help them if you went also. Plus I think it would show your ex-husbands family that you care about your kids.