very depressed. read and please help!?

Question

since i was born,my parents (mainly my dad) controlled everything i did.and academic excellence was the most important thing.i was very sheltered.i felt like the only way to gain appreciation from them was to make the grades. when i reached highschool, i became a "serial" dater and stopped making perfect grades.i seeked appreciation from the boys i dated, and then i would dump them and continue with other boys(this didn't include sex).when i reached college,i missed my friends horribly and was jealous that they were going to the same colleges with eachother,and i was stuck at a college that wasn't even my first or second choice.i hated it.and then my sophomore yr, the close friends i made at college all transferred to diff colleges(they too didn't like it there).this made me sad,and my grads plumetted.i also started dating a boy that was just as controlling/obsessed with grades as my dad.now it's my junior yr,and he left me for a really topnotch student.i feel like my life is a failure

Answer 1

you need to talk with a counselor or psychologist who can put you back on track with ideas of how to change, how to be happy with yourself, how to not lean on people and be your own person, how to change from being controlled and not to accept that anymore.

Answer 2

Your life isn't a failure. Take what your dad brought to you and use the good parts, discard the rest. If you did well academically, you are intelligent. Use it to help others not as fortunate as you.
Try to find a way to start asserting yourself when you have an opinion and know that you are a worthy person and have every right that you are letting everyone else have but are denying yourself.
Nothing you have done makes you a failure.
You are only that the day you give up trying. This is clearly not that day.
Only from failing can we learn how to do things the way that works best. Personal experience is a better teacher than anything and it seems you have had a great teacher.
Go out and do good things for others with no expectation of any reward. You will feel better because you are helping someone in need.
Take failure out of your vocabulary and replace it with the word learning.
God Bless, go and do great things.

Answer 3

Dear "Little Sister"
I call you that because you remind me of how I have felt in my teens and very early twenties.
In all the obsession with performance (your parent's and your own), someone missed out on the fact that SUCCESS in life is both more and less than getting grades.
If you breathe, you are alive - life cannot be a failure when you are alive!
If you can manage to find joy, you are a whooping success! There is no life more successful or greater in quality than a joyful life.
Now, here's the rub:
Rarely is it possible to experience true JOY while being concerned with what others think.
It appears that your parents were teaching you to find love by getting grades. Either they didn't know any better, or perhaps there was some miscommunication.
It is true that achievement is met with reward (most of the time).
It is NOT true that the attention or appreciation we get from others are the only signs of achievement, nor are they the only signs of love.
You probably have heard or read this before. I will share it with you from the heart: without first loving yourself, you can neither accept love from others nor give love to others (and you won't recognize what love is).
To love yourself, first DIVORCE yourself from the need of approval from your parents, your boyfriend, or anyone else.
THEN have a sit-down with yourself and make a COMMITMENT to love yourself unconditionally - to be your own best friend. That means NO MATTER WHAT. It means through thick and thin. It means through failure and triumph. It means if everyone else ignores or betrays you, you'll stick by your side.
Then make time to check in with yourself often (at least once a day) and see how your relationship is doing. Are you STILL loving yourself? Have you back-slid and called yourself ugly names? Have you piled insult upon injury when you berated yourself for some failure?
Learn KINDNESS.
To help you, there are some books and tapes by Louise Hay that I would recommend. You may consider spending a month worth of Saturdays in the library, in the self-help or self-development section and checking out tapes, CD's, books and the like on self love. I did the library thing in 1986, after ending my THIRD abusive relationship, and since then my life has turned completely around!

I get a daily FREE email with inspirational messages here: http://www.higherawareness.com/affiliate.php?id=1555
They also have paid programs, but the daily email is free and helps keep me on track.

So, let me personally tell you that you and your life have VALUE no matter who else sees it - as long as YOU value it and yourself.

Begin TODAY to appreciate and love yourself.

Answer 4

My dad was the same way. He's basically a perfectionist; no grades were ever good enough for him even if I was trying my hardest. I guess you just have to try to consider the fact that it could have been worse-- at least your parents pushed you because they want you to be successful. The parents of some of my friends displayed absolutely no interest in their college careers, and thus those friends didn't end up having enough motivation to seek further education. You've gone quite far, even if your grades aren't where you'd like them to be; you should be proud of yourself. Still, it's a terrible feeling to have so much pressure placed on you. I hope you can sit down and think about the things that are important to YOU and concentrate on those. Now that you're an adult, you can begin to rely on yourself to set realistic personal standards. If your parents aren't statisfied, there's not much you can do; life would be much too stressful trying to constantly please who can't be pleased. Perhaps you could talk to a counselor at your school and he/she could give you advice about how to find a balance between your academic and dating lives. Best of luck.

Answer 5

You have to realize that you are a grown woman now! You rock your own life! Dont let people get you down like that. If someone is controlling you, then do not let them. That will only make you weaker in real life and could result in bad decisions later on. If you really truly believe in yourself and dont listen to the other people that are telling you youre not good enough, you will be a lot more happier. It doesnt matter if your friends go to another college. Just keep in touch with them! I just started homeschooling this year, and I barely get to see my friends, but we email eachother a lot.

So stand up straight, keep your neck up high, and be confident. You will not be a target for controlling people if you look confident.

So get on out there and smile! Women rock!

If youre still feeling depressed, Im here!

[e-mail]

Adios!

Answer 6

I know how u feel. My mom is the same way, and my step dad only gets on my *** because he's on a leash. What i think u should do is sit down, think about things, and figure out were u want to be. I'm not telling u everything will be okay, but this often helps me. Just slow things down, chill.

Answer 7

It's time to be strong and control yourself.It's not your fault that that guy left you. He didn't deserve you. You had some bad choices about college...so what...it overs at least. Life is too long when you see it in that perspective. So just try to build some self esteem...talk with someone who is close to you...if you don't have, there are trained people who takes care about humans issues. So visit some psychologist.
Everyone is depressed in away. Everyone from its own experience. So you are not alone.
And we are with you.

take care my yahoo friend :)

Answer 8

i too feel as though my life is a failure!!! I'm in alot of dept and I'm only 21... £18000 to be precise and i feel terrible everyday and i will for a long time, im not offering a solution I'm just pointing out that your not on your own, feeling like your life let you down. but as everyone keeps saying it WILL get better regardless and it will so chin up! you'll be fine (my problems are legally binding) :-(

Answer 9

'ya know-some people are starving and bust their butts everyday for what you would toss away. Poor you-your dad wants whats best for you and is providing for your education! BOO-HOO!

You are an adult now-get your head out of your A$$ and make your life what you want it to be, not a poor me party. If you realize the effects of your dad's controlling ways, then do something about it! Your bf didn't leave you for a better student, he probably left you for someone who's not a whiner!

Answer 10

Start doing things to please yourself and then get a self help book from the library. You are not a failure. Start working hard at school so you can choose a career that you can support yourself with. Good luck.

Answer 11

You must get one on one counselling. Cognitive therapy could help change your outlook, but you need to go to the college's counselling service, or the community counselling service, to try to alter the dysfunctional relationship pattern which you have recognised by changing your thoughts from negative to positive.
http://www.feelinggood.com will help, but counselling is neccessary.
Go.