Cheating husband?

Question

My husband was working with this girl, and she was calling him all the time - not always work related. Then she finished working with that company, yet she still calls him. I confronted him and told him it makes me uncomfortable that she calls him. So I went out of town last weekend and my husband sounded like he didn't want to talk to me on the phone, and when I got home I saw that he had called her a couple times while I had been gone. So he went out to the bar last night, and I went around 1 just to see who he was with, and sure enough this girl was there along with a few of the guys from work. It didn't seem like she was exclusively out with him - they were just all standing around talking. But when we went home and I asked him why he had been calling her while I was gone all he could say was 'I don't know'. I feel sick to my stomach - did he have her over to my house while I was gone? I don't know what to think. Do you think he's cheating and how should I deal with it??

I read what all of you wrote and thought I'd add something - first off we were just in couple's counselling in the spring because our 5 year relationship has been rocky all on it's own. We live in a northern mining town and i have all single g/fs and he has all single guy friends. Second, I have a 3 year old daughter, so we rarely get to go out together... sticky situation. I'm also in my third year of nursing school so moving isn't an option (or believe me i would). But anyways I appreciate almost everyone's comments, and I will continue to read.

oh and also she calls his work phone, never my house

Answer 1

I'm sorry for what your going through. Unfortunately you shouldn't jump to conclusions until you know for sure that he is cheating with her. You need to talk to him. His I don't know answers are not good enough when you are married. Suggest going to couples therapy. Think about all that you want to say and make sure you say it in clearn consise phrases. He should understand that you are uncomfortable with him speaking to her and that you as his wife should not have to deal with this. He needs to put your feeling first and stop talking to her 100%. Another thing, why is he out at a bar without you? If you guys have this agreement, that is fine but if other women will be there than there is no reason that you shouldn't come as well. Ask yourself a few questions also, how are you communicating lately, is it barely there or non-existant? Are you intimate with him? Does he look you in the eyes? Has he changed his manerisms or appearance lately? Have you caught him in lies in the past? If you are married both of your main concerns should be each other. I'm sorry that your feeling this way. My sister went through this too. Tell some friends/family how you are feeling. Remember that if he loves you he will do whatever it takes to make these feelings disappear. If he is not then you may as well kick him out.

Answer 2

Thats an iffy one. Possibly he just made a new friend and didnt tell you about it because he thought you'd be jealous...but then again maybe youre right, maybe theres more to the story than he's letting on. Look for clues, if he is spending more and more time with her I'd probably start to worry a little. Possibly you can try telling him you're going to be out for hours and then sneak back to the house in an hour or so and see if he's invited his friend over. I know it sounds sneaky but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. But dont make yourself sick over it just yet. You dont know yet that he's cheating. He could very well be innocent...Time will tell. if he is cheating, sooner or later his lies will catch up with him.



....also I just read wagners response. Dont listen to him. he's an a*swhipe and needs to be neutered so he doesnt have any off spring.

Answer 3

First of all, don't assume anything unless you have evidence that *proves* your suspicions. If that's all he did is go to the bar with a group of people, then IMO, he's not cheating. If he was alone with her, then yes, I'd think that to be cheating, or just about to. If you told him that it makes you uncomfortable when she calls, and he's still in touch with her, then you need to seriously have a conversation, possibly marriage counselling to work out potential issues.
Edit: Don't listen to Wagner's response either, it's not your fault and you did nothing wrong.

Answer 4

I would say that if not now he has or will in the near future.
I would watch him like a hawk, check his pockets, his car, his computer files, everything and be a detective. I would get a phone that can be locked and put it in all the phone jacks in the house and not unlock it for him to use unless I was standing right there. OR: this is better. You can get, at Radio Shack, a tape recorder set up that will record his conversations automatically. You have to hide this in your house really well and then you can tape all his calls and listen to them. Do not tell anyone you are doing this, and be aware that some states have laws against this. IFyou do it you do NOT want to EVER tell him you did it. EVER. No matter what you hear him saying on the tape.

Answer 5

Try not to loose your cool. You guys need to talk this over. By what you wrote, it seems as if he's avoiding the conversation. For the sake of your relationship, you need to have one. My suggestion: Couple Therapy. Make an appointment and get it out in the open with a (nonjudgemental and objective) therapist that can really help. Therapy has done just wonders for my marriage!!

Answer 6

Sorry babe, he's cheating. My husband had an affiar with my best friend, and it sounded alot like your story. Confront her and him both call her and ask whats up, but dont be all like "I'm gonna kick your ***" just say that you are his wife, and ask what he has told her about you ask if theres anything going on, but don't be overly hard on her, she never made vows with you, HE DID. If she sounds like shes lying hang up, its not worth your time, next confront hubby, straight forward "I love you, I am consered about our amrraige, be honest, why did you call her when I was out of town, why were you at the bar, are you having an affair" If he puts blame on you, saying that he might as wll have had an affair, your insecure, blah blah blah... then he is DEFENDING the relationship he has with this woman, and is scared to let it go. I am still with my husband, and the truth didnt even come out even after I had all the proof, cell phone records (and hger told me they didnt talk, then he said he accdeintly called her... the list went on. She accused him of rape, and thats when the truth came out! then he told me all about their affair because he had to clear his name. I wqant to hate her for ehat she did, but I forgive her, because after all I forgave him. By the way she claimed rape, because she was trying to get back with her boyfriend who always suspected something about them, and that would be the only way to make herself look innocent.

Answer 7

i know how you feel. but you can't accuse him of cheating because you don't have any proof. the girl and him could just be friends. but i would really watch him because if he called her and told you he don't know why he called something is up. just watch and pay close attention to what he saids and do. a women knows when her man is creeping

Answer 8

If he is not cheating yet, he wants to. It is a rare occassion that a man cheats on his wife only once. It is like they get a taste of it and it becomes addicting. Maybe they like the wife chasing them around seeing what they are up to as much as they like to chase around other women.
I feel sorry for you, it is such a humiliating situation. And please, whatever, you do, don't blame yourself.

Answer 9

This isnt a court of law, you dont need evidence...and even if you did the phone calls alone are enough! Im so sorry for your situation, especially since you have a 3 year old daughter.
I dont know what you should do...but trust your gut...sounds like he is a cheater

Answer 10

Yes. First she shouldn't be calling your house. Second he should be calling her either. If you want to stay in the marriage then you two need counseling, seperation, but divorce is also an option. She sounds sluty and she is disrespecting you home and your vows, but he is allowing her to do that.