My seperation and divorce, not only ended my relationship with my ex-husband but also ended my relationship with my best friend. This is what happened I was having an indept conversation with her about my husband, who I serapated from at the time, when i flat out asked her "whose friend are you, "mine or my ex-husband". She could not answer the question. I asked her if she told him about our conversations and she admitted to it. I ended our friendship relationship. Wow what a friend. I was hurt, and for a moment I became just like her. I told him and his boss she has herpies (which is true).
So a year and a half goes by and my exhusband told me they were in a relationship, after we broke, up for the enitre time. He never told me even though I asked. I was so angry. After eight months i am still angry.
We have two precious children and would like our relationship to become more then text messages. I want a friendship which involves active co-parenting. How should I do this?
2006-11-25 03:53:33 · 18 answers · asked by InSight 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stop text messaging. Ask him if he'd like to be more involved in more parenting. If not, time is your best friend and leave it to "what-ever-happens-is-for-a-reason"
2006-11-25 03:57:43 · answer #1 · answered by DrPepper 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-23 01:23:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is it about this society that mandates we must always seek to forgive. Sometimes, its OK not to forgive. It's not good to harbor anger within yourself because it is destructive and can cause physical illness and stress that you don't want.
You should work towards relinquishing your anger, but you don't have to forgive to not be angry any more. There is a big difference.
Get over the anger. Just move on with your life. You can actually choose to not be angry anymore and it will go away. You do not have to choose to forgive and what ever that entails for you.
Learn to be civil regarding your children. Treat him with the respect that you give any other human being you encounter in life (like your child's school teacher, a cohort at work, a salesperson at a store). Be courteous, be timely with your appointments with him, be no more and no less accommodating to his schedule and his needs to alter plans than you would with other people you meet in life.
If you get rid of the anger, if you consider your ex as a human being that deserves a standard amount of civility, you will find that in time, that thing that you call "forgiveness" and what it should feel like, will happen.
Good luck.
2006-11-25 04:04:12 · answer #3 · answered by Tammie R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off I would say that none of this was your fault. Your husband and "best friend" are the ones clearly in the wrong. Was the custody and visitation handled in the divorce? I would tell your ex what days he can have the kids, maybe two weekends a month and let him know what you would like for him to do for his kids. It is then up to him weither or not he will do what you ask.
Try to get on with your life and don't let him continue to hurt you. He made his choice now he has to live with it, but you are FREE from that....find someone who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.
2006-11-25 04:04:50 · answer #4 · answered by godsgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, First thing you need to do is STOP THE HATE! You have to stop being angry about all that has happened...It is in the past and there is nothing you can do to change it. Then once you realize that the hate is what causes the anger and that you being angry is simply a waist of your time...then you can move forward with your life and begin to at least accept this is how your life is and ONLY you can do anything about it...the best way to develop a friendship with the ex is to realize that he is an ex. forget HIM and his business...keep your nose out of it! Just concentrate on your KIDS and you will soon see what I mean.
2006-11-25 04:05:14 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I a teribbly sorry for this double disaster. There is nothing as bad as when you lose your lover to your best friend. I once heard a aperson say God save me from my friends, for my enemies I know.
You could never mistrust your best friend, you tristed her, told her your secrets and she use dthem agaisnt you to gt your man, that is cheap, really cheap, she doesn't have the guts to get her own...but it's okay.
She probably saved you from a future worse disaster.
But I can feel your heart hurt, I m not sure what hurts most..the hubby or the BF issue.
You know what, time is thebest healer. Thngs sometime sre bet left out the way they are , they will sort themselves out. You are entitled to feel the wy you are feeling and thst normal, but you cannot allow ths to go on, baby you have children who are looking up to you, you have a job, another life people who care for you ( if I was there I would give you a comforting hug!), let go. When you let go, you allow other nice people inot your life whi will help you work out and the feeling is always noce just dnty be in a hurry itherwise you will find yourself in another entanglement...
Good luck
2006-11-25 04:01:14 · answer #6 · answered by Trinity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive? Horse$hit. Just do what you have to do for your children. You both would give your blood, your organs and your lives for your kids so you damn well better figure out how to be civilized enough to raise them properly until they are grown. You both need heavy duty counseling to find some common ground. Those children deserve the best you can do for them so get your a$$es together and work out something.
PS -- you can be 'friends' until your youngest child is 18. Then it's time to erase him from your life like the pig-stain he is.
2006-11-25 04:03:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
so they was both wrong , cheaters n disrespected u. so the relationship n friendship part is done. but u can still be civil to each other for the childrens sake. this means just get along while they are in both of ur presence. but there needs not be any friendly outings or dates between u all. its just settin u up for failure and disappointment all over again. just be parents. dont ever speak ill of each other to the children either.
2006-11-25 04:00:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try counseling to start with it may help you cope with the anger and after awhile you may realize, hey that relationship was already over anyway ,why did it bother me so? then you can work on accepting both of them as ordinary people just like you, every body makes mistakes that they regret and are sorry and deserve their chance to explain and most of the times unfortunately being a friend doesn't mean we have to choose between individuals to remain a friend, loyalty shouldn't lie with just one side , what's the matter with neutral sides and having multiple friends? think about it and Good Luck.
2006-11-25 04:54:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! I don't blame you for being hurt and mad! I think you need to do some counseling to get over this!
I guess you need to respect him as a father and forgive him as a lousy husband. Don't bash him in front of the kids. ( You probally already know that) Tell him you want to set a good example for your children and show them how adults behave. Tell him how hard it is for you, but you are thinking of your children first. Good luck!
2006-11-25 03:58:21 · answer #10 · answered by weswe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, have yourself tested for herpes, (just in case). Then, try and remember the reasons you married him in the first place, and why you had children together. You will have to work very hard at this, but it is possible to become "friendly", not necessarily "great friends" with him, but it is doable to co-parent. Your children need both parents in their lives, and never never talk about the other parent to your children in a negative way.
2006-11-25 04:01:16 · answer #11 · answered by NAN G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋