Last year I had surgery, & was thankful when she brought a meal for family (from my church).She says God asked her to take care of our family. I told her I'm well & would like to be friends,do girl stuff, shop, etc. She doesn't want to, she wants to clean my house, cook for us, DH is disabled, has many hospital stays. Ive dealt for over 5 years, but now she calls 2-3 times a day to HELP. If I don't answer, she calls the hospital & tells him I won't answer. She had me type a book, & paid me very well to do this, now calls constantly wanting to take me out to lunch She decided to teach her kids about giving by being a Santa to our family this year, we asked her not to, because due to DH's disability we had to have help several years, & now we don't HAVE to. We asked her to donate to church instead, but she refuses. She cleans house & brings me all the discards, she thinks I can "use" them. It's even included her old underwear! DH dont want to hurt her feelings, how do I deal with it?
2006-11-25 03:44:16 · 9 answers · asked by donnabellekc 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
geez, some people want to feel good about themselves at the expense of others feeling bad. They don't realize that sometimes people get tired of being helped and they need some room for themselves. I think I was guilty at one time of having done something similar but definitely not as bad. I think I didn't do too bad though and I got the hint pretty early and gave the person some room.
There really isn't much you can do besides telling the person that you're thankful for all they have done for you, but you need to stand on your own legs and spend time with your own family. You could also tell her how bad it makes you feel that you're always being helped and you feel like it's time you enjoyed helping others as well. Although I'm not sure that argument would do much, as this kind of person usually interprets everything with a different dictionary and stuff comes in one ear and goes out the other.
I say forget "not wanting to hurt her feelings". Sounds like you're a religious person. Jesus said the truth the way it was and didn't worry much about other people's feelings. He ended up getting crucified for it too... I guess he hurt a few feelings.
The fact is that this person is selfish and doesn't realize that she is taking away your self esteem by taking your privacy and not letting you make it on your own.
2006-11-25 04:10:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW you have an issue, I know that you are grateful for the help that is being given to you and your family. There is not going to be a easy way for you to ask her to please stop without hurting her feelings. But maybe what you can do is go to the paster at your church and explain to him what is going on, and how you appreciate all the help, but she is overwhelming to you and your family, that she calls the hospital to tell DH that you are not answering the phone and that DH needs to rest and this is affecting his health he worry's. I would also look for a family that is much more need of the secret santa and let her know that this family is a much greater need then you are. Try getting help from the church first then if that is not going to work then try the same technique and talk to her. I mean she needs to let your family be in peace and it sounds as though she has over stepped her boundery's in the help department. I also would talk to the hospital where DH is staying and ask them to monitor all incoming calls to his room and that if she calls that she is not allowed to speak to him for any reason. Tell them what the problem is. I know in the hospital I work at you can ask them for a password and if you don't know that password then you cannot talk to the patient it is for safety and confidentiality reasons. But you ned to put your foot down and stop this insanity. I hope that this will help a little bit. Good Luck
2006-11-25 03:58:43 · answer #2 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Very graciously tell her that you appreciate all she has done for you. Then tell her how she can help you. Tell her what day (one) a week she can come and help do some cleaning. Don't completely close her off, because for some reason her serving you is her way of showing love for you and your family. Just let her know that she doesn't have to come so often. Then tell her about some other "ministry opportunities" that you are aware of. Be straightforward but sensitive to her desire to help.
2006-11-25 03:51:21 · answer #3 · answered by godsgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sure, I surely have, quite a few circumstances whilst i became sick and attempting to stroll around outdoors and do issues ... I gave the impact of i might been run over via a steamroller, too, because of the fact human beings saved telling me i mandatory to flow to mattress and relax for quite a few hours ...
2016-10-17 12:37:27 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean - but if she wants to clean the house I would let her! Seriously though, is there another person you can tell, that she might listen to if she is not listening to you?
2006-11-25 03:47:00 · answer #5 · answered by rose_merrick 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thanks for caring but I can do it myself...it's great to have others care about you because it takes some of that concern away for the moment...let her know it's about u and u will make it..if not call mee up...lol
wee all have issues...gl Paula
2006-11-25 03:49:50 · answer #6 · answered by Paula S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just spend alot of time togther pick up the phone when she calls you and call her so she wont bother u so much and like u tell her to go shopping she might cause u spend so much time with her and u do wat she says so she might listen to u
2006-11-25 03:51:37 · answer #7 · answered by jj 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well this lady seems like she really likes to help and i think she just needs someone to appreciate her and that is what she get by doing things for you
2006-11-25 03:48:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
* Just step up to the plate and don't take it anymore. Don't let anyone run you ove ever again.*
2006-11-25 03:45:44 · answer #9 · answered by bor_rabnud 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋