After 25 years of marriage, things haven't gotten better. I worked, took care of the kids, and never asked for much except that we share responsibilities. My husband does help at times but he doesn't realize how much it takes to keep a household and kids. He wakes up and does what he wants, goes where he wants, and never thinks about taking some of the responsibility off my hands. We disagree about how to raise out kids which caused so much bitterness between us that I can't stand to be around him. I have become very close to my children and their friends that he is jealous of the time I spend with them. I work just as much or more than him and do just about everything else around here. He is full of negative comments towards me. I have always asked him to spend time with my children, and their friends but he says they are girls and it would be different if they were boys. Well I recently started going out with friends, not at all looking for anything else and he hates it. What 2 do?
2006-11-25 02:56:39 · 16 answers · asked by maggie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sincerely I would ask yourself this question....How do you want to spend your next 25 years? You deserve happiness. Your kids deserve you to be happy. You deserve friends. He sounds very controling and more than likely is not going to change. Its honestly time for you to make a choice do you want happiness and freedom to be who you want to be or do you want to be held back and controlled by someone that is basically very self centered. My mom has lived this way in a 35 year marraige. I started a marraige very similiar where I lost who I was and I lost what made me happy. I now have been divorced for a couple of years and had time to find my laughter and my inner peace and really discover that life can be fun. Im happier and so are my kids and in fact they have the freedom in our home to be who they need to be and there is much more laughter. Those are the memories I want to have..... how about you?
2006-11-25 03:14:53 · answer #1 · answered by jesswonderin 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have been married 25 years, your kids have got to be grown or nearly so. It is time for some "me" time. And that may mean a divorce.
I was married 23 years and a lot of your situation sounds familiar--but my ex didn't critisize me. He wasn't home enough to--in his spare time he was at the bar. And we had boys, so he couldn't use that for an excuse either.
My ONLY regret about the divorce is that I didn't do it sooner. Why waste anymore of your life trying to please this person who obviously could care less about you?
You want to hear something funny? The old grass is not always greener-type story. He hooked up with a female bar owner after the divorce (hog heaven for an alcoholic). So all was good for a few years, although now he had to work while he was at the bar (and yes, he has a demanding day job too). So if that wasn't funny enough, she recently sold the bar. They bought a house. Now she is at home and he is at the bars all night. LOL
2006-11-25 03:08:48 · answer #2 · answered by maamu 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try thinking about what YOU want for a change and not everyone else. It's easy to get in that rut I have been there. Start taking care of yourself. Let some of the things around the house go. Do what you want. Maybe if you exert some independence he will develope a new respect for you but frankly even though I am not for divorce it sounds like your time with him is up. Find someone who will love you for you and be with you. Good luck.
2006-11-25 03:05:57 · answer #3 · answered by Jill P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a similar situation:
If your spouse has lost respect for you they will be very disrespectful to you. 25 years sounds like you deserve a lot more than your getting from him because he's living his life like he's a single man. If you really truly want your marriage to work... I would suggest pushing for marriage counseling because it's the best way for you two to be able to get all garbage out in the open.
If he refuses to go.... I would say that you deserve better, ma'am. What you should ask yourself if going through many more years of being disrespected and being treated like a roommate is good enough for you?
I suspect you know that answer already though.
You and your children deserve much better.... that's just my opinion though.
Good luck.
2006-11-25 03:14:27 · answer #4 · answered by Eshi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Someone else said it---do what YOU want to do, except...remember your kids first of all (if they are still of age to be at home). I have btdt, and am still doing it. And He hated it too where I am. But when he became ill, and totally disabled, if I hadn't made some kind of separate life for me, even while married to him (still am), I would have been totally lost. The bitterness is hard to fight, and 25 years is a long time of stuff to forget. Im working on 20. Keep your chin up--make YOURSELF happy, and best wishes.
2006-11-25 03:11:28 · answer #5 · answered by donnabellekc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you two should rekindle your love. You need to take a break, leave the kids and home for the weekend and try to share moments that you had when you were first dating. i know it sounds weird, but when you spend time with your kids and friends more than time with your husband, it's like you're filling in for the time lost with your husband. you are trying to keep yourself distracted but thats only making it worse for you and him. he will eventually have an affair and look for someone who is giving him more attention and love. so good luck, seek marriage counseling and take it easy. if you or he does not find that serious, then your marriage is long gone!
2006-11-25 03:03:42 · answer #6 · answered by Butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he isn't happy with him self. This can realy make life hell for everyone. If you could get him to see a doc. and get on some pills to help him. That could be just that easy or the two of you go and get outside help together, if he will go. As for the fact that he doesn't want to be around the girls, he must not of had that much to do with them growing up. I know that I never minded being with my girls or the boys.
2006-11-25 03:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by ranchforman57 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have to constantly remind myself that this is my one go around and while personal happiness has to take a back seat sometimes, especially when you have children. We all deserve some personal happiness. It sounds to me like you have loved and served your family well fro 25 years and it is time to think about yourself some. By all means go out and have fun with your friends and let your husband know that its time for him to take more responsibility for the children and housework. It is sad to me that he wasn't able to spend more time with your children because they are girls. I wish you well
2006-11-25 03:26:08 · answer #8 · answered by hdb107 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll tell you what to do! Exactly the same thing I did after 25 years of marriage, like yourself.....I BEGAN to live. I had never lived before, and the freedom to enjoy life was wonderful. Live your life, and enjoy some things! Good Luck....and Have Fun!!
2006-11-25 03:19:56 · answer #9 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do sound angry and resentful. I hate to sound harsh but I think you need to stop hanging out with your kid's friends and get a good marriage councelor and see if you could save your marriage.
Or you could go on wife swap and give him a taste of taking care of the house and kids.
Good luck.
2006-11-25 03:00:55 · answer #10 · answered by donewiththismess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋