i split up with my sons dad 3 months ago, i loved him more than anyone i had dated. he has been seeing the kids but being nasty and nice to me. he turned up drunk last night and smacked me around, i have bruising all over my face, my back. the ordeal lasted for 4 and a half hours and he said sick things about my daughter and showed me and boasted texts of girls he has been seeing. as soon as he left i called the police and got him arrested. i am getting an injunction and i won't turn back ever again. anyone
help me i am feeling so low right now and this is the strongest i have ever been
2006-11-25 02:29:38 · 41 answers · asked by DONNAIS 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You did the right thing. I am so sorry that you were put that abuse.
Stay on the right track; and do not allow his words of "sorry" etc let this man back into your life under any circumstance. He is unstable right now and anything could happen.
Alert any and all neighbors if they should see his vehicle around to contact the police. I know that sounds bad; and you don't want your personal issues hung out on the clothes line. But you don't have to give them a reason other than he is court ordered to stay away for serious reasons.
This man should not be allowed visitiation of the children unless it is supervised either. You need to protect yourself and your children around this man. I would get that in the works as soon as possible.
Hopefully he will get some help and this will cease.
Stop feeling low about it because you're allowing this man to continue to abuse you by taking on his issues. Be proud of yourself and thankful that you are alive today! Let it go and concentrate on your future. You are strong and I am so very proud of you.
Good luck to you sweetie and God Bless.
2006-11-25 02:42:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Relationships that are abusive hurt physically, mentally and spiritually. It's tough to take it and to fight it. People who do as you say your son's day did are not only cruel and vindictive, but they are dangerous. Sometimes a restraining order doesn't stop the person from seeking you out and hurting you again. You need to put up barriers to his potential harm.
Saying things that will inflame him more should be avoided. That is not easy. If you believe in prayer, talk to your prayer guide individual (priest or preacher, etc.), ask for the prayers of the church congregation, call the help line for abused women in your city, and don't hesitate to seek their shelter if you think the abuser will do you further harm.
No one can decide these things for you entirely. That's why personal prayer is so important. When you open your heart and mind to the God-force, you receive guidance for your actions.
The non-believers will tell you to stand your ground, or fight back, etc., but an angry reply will bring on more anger.
The God prayerfullness will give you peace and serenity, strength and hope in the days to come. If the abuser does calm down and goes his own way, you'll look back on these dark days and have the strength to avoid getting into a relationship that could prove dangerous again.
It's tough to be a single mom, but that's where you are for now. Try to gather your resources and move on. The days ahead may look dark, but in time most wounds heal, and there is much in this world to be happy and thankful for.
Put on a happy face, know that God loves you, and so do many others who wish you well.
Good luck, and take God with you everywhere you go.
2006-11-25 03:08:35 · answer #2 · answered by TexasStar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing! Good for you and don't look back. He was never good for you or anyone else! Sorry to hear about your ordeal and just wish there was help for you then. I've seen this happen to often and I'm really sick of it. You need to be strong and stand your ground. Remember your son is in the picture and is so dependent on you, since he doesn't have that loser of a father, maybe you can find the right guy down the road in life! But I'm sure that is far from your list of things to take care of so I will just say to be there for him, your son! You have each other and that should be enough for both of you! Love yourself and be everything to him...you will feel so much better for yourself! Take care of business downtown and get all the help there is for you and your child. God bless and praying for you two!
2006-11-25 02:39:33 · answer #3 · answered by HotInTX 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow! How dare he?!
Taking out the injunction against him is the right thing to do, though when he sobers up he may be angry about it.
Have you taken photos of your injuries, just so if he denies it you have the evidence?
The way I see it, if he really loves/loved you, he wouldn't want to hurt you. He has issues he needs to deal with, before he can be trusted again to come near you again, if ever.
If he has access to see the children, make sure he is supervised.
There are some really unstable "fathers" out there nowadays.
4 and a half hours!!??!
We women have a habit of loving what we "see" instead of what is really there, especially if the man was so considerate and loving in the beginning. We hang on in there, hoping the good times will come back. Sometimes they never do ...
The last thing your children want is to see their mother smacked black and blue by anyone, let alone someone they care/used to care for. They need to grow up in a loving, stable, strong environment, otherwise they'll reach teenagehood/adulthood thinking its the "norm" to behave like their father. Continue to be strong for their sakes and for your own.
He's no longer the man you thought he was.
2006-11-25 02:59:52 · answer #4 · answered by Jamma354 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a rotten git and you only feel low because of what he has done to you. Stay positive you are doing the right thing. He deserves everything he has coming to him. I hope the injunction has the power of arrest attatched to it. Try and get this one. Then if he ever comes near you he will be arrested immediately.Also get you solicitor to have added that if he instucts any one else to harass you or intimidate you or hurt you that he will as well as them be arrested and charged. Im so sorry that you have had to endure such a horrible experiance but what doesnt kill us will make us stronger. If you are still worried ask the police to put a panick button in your house. If he comes then all you have to do is press that.
2006-11-25 02:53:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard as these things are you did the right thing. You may feel conflicted now but do your best to keep your head on straight and remember that anyone that hits you loves their anger and problems more that they ever loved you. It is dangerous to stay and you are completely right to leave.
Stay strong and don't let the memories of the good times put you back in danger. Better to be alone than with an abuser, even the ones who can't help it due to alcohol or mental disease.
Just take one day at a time and move forward, not back.
Good Luck Dear.
2006-11-25 02:41:57 · answer #6 · answered by tcb9020 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Looking back at the history section on this web site you should stay clear of any relationship and sort your self out .
It looks like you have been playing games with your partner and his friends you must gain self respect and independence and then others will see you in a different way including your self I `m sorry if this sounds harsh but once others realise you are not a punch bag o something to be used , abused and played with when the whim takes them then things will get better.
I feel disgusted by what this pig has done to you but you must now take control think of your children
2006-11-25 02:45:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the best time to get help when you are strong. Call shelters for Abused women and children. They can help find low cost counseling and help you find a safe place to live.
Look that man will not change, the only thing that may change is the escalation of violence towards you and your child.
If you let this kind of people get power over you they will become depended on that power and will literally try to belittle you, demoralize you and abuse you to keep that false sense of power.
I'm glad you called the police. You do not deserve someone treating you so vile. Another thing to remember is your daughter is watching. Unfortunately it is very likely she'll end up with in an abusive relationship because of this situation.
Let him have those girls but unfortunately for them once an abuser always an abuser. He'll just transfer the abuse to them.
Get counseling, get yourself financially situated and if he insists on visiting your daughter get a court order to make sure he is supervised when with her.
2006-11-25 02:37:20 · answer #8 · answered by P&B 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Not really, other than to say stick with it, and whatever you do, don't drop the charges.
You've done the right thing: this behaviour in front of the kids is disgraceful, and by keeping him away, you're protecting them from it. Just remember that, and don't look back, but forwards. Life can only get better.
Possibly not much use (an answer from a bloke, as well!) but 4 years of an alcoholic ex was enough to teach me that some leopards never change their spots!
2006-11-25 02:33:02 · answer #9 · answered by winballpizard 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You did the right thing. Now, you need to stick to your guns and not back away from maintaining your posture with him. Don't drop the charges and such. Make sure he is held accountable for his actions. Also, follow up and make sure he's paying child support.
You shouldn't feel low. You have the reigns of life in your hands and are driving well. Don't let a few bumps in the road steer you off course. There are some things in life you can and should drive around.....then there are things like this that you need to just run over. Good job.
2006-11-25 02:33:26 · answer #10 · answered by tjjone 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋