my wife and I have been separated for 2 weeks.. and I am disabled but I am required to go back to work. (Long story.) Anyway, my wife is angry at what our relationship has become.. and I am angry at her for a lot of things. I hurt emotionally now... our last few conversations have been venomous.. and I know the end is the answer but I can't seem to cope with the question of being alone again... I don't want to be alone.. but it's where I am going to be. We just bought a house and I can't make the mortgage payment by myself... and I can't get roommates in time.. I don't think anyway.. My parents have been great and my sister has really been there for me.. I just hurt so bad inside. I am trying hard to start to rebuild my life.. even though it physically hurts me so bad.
What can I do to make the pain go away?
I don't want to be a whiner... but I am not a loser... like my wife kept telling me I am. It just really hurts.
2006-11-25 02:15:18 · 12 answers · asked by Eshi 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm so sorry about what has happened to you... *HUGS*... You have to think hard about everything. Weigh things carefully. Should you and your wife get back together, there should be love for each other. The first thing that you have to do is to fix yourself, physically and emotionally. Get help from your family. I know how it feels to be hurting inside, not knowing what to do with the feeling. It kills you inside. You want to cry but crying isn't enough to let your feelings out. Just fix yourself first. More importantly, fix yourself emotionally. From there, you'll know what to do next...
2006-11-25 02:23:38 · answer #1 · answered by ~Amor~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know if i can answer this question for you correctly, or even if anything i say will help, but you need to keep on keeping on my friend....go back to work and concentrate on that for now.......in time you may be able to talk things through with your wife, but its possible that you may need to give each other some "cooling off" time.....so it might be wise to do that.....what do you think?
At that point you may both be calm enough to talk things through rationally, and maybe get your lives together....if not seek the services of a lawyer or relationship councilling, to work what you are going to do with the house and assests etc....
Dont take the mental abuse from her, you are neither a loser or a whiner, you are doing better than a lot of people, you work at least, and thats a good thing.....good luck its a long tough road ahead.....
2006-11-25 10:24:34 · answer #2 · answered by Mintjulip 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That recently happened to me. Your house will not be forclosed upon immediately - it takes months - so, call your mortgage company and see if you can make a temporary payment plan work for you. In the meantime, give the roommate thing a chance and advertise the room(s) available. It didn't work for me. I became disabled, lost my car, job, let the house get forclosed on and temporarily lost my son... but he's with me now, because the ex was basically the worthless one. I am now in a new relationship, living in a condo and am raising my son. I still miss everything I once had, but I don't miss the loser that tried to make me the bad guy. Things will look up for you too... just try not to dwell on the bad stuff... stay focused.
2006-11-25 10:27:17 · answer #3 · answered by mickeypalyola 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if I'm the best person to give you advice about your marriage but I'm gonna try anyway. First of all be humble/modest/meek/deeply respectful/lowly. Second be compassionate and kind. One of you has to keep their cool if anything is going to get accomplished. Why not let that someone be you. Reaffirm all the things your wife said you are and apologize for them. She will flip her lid. Tell her how much you love her and that you want to work it out. That you don't want to be another divorce statistic. Take her out to her favorite restaurant and buy that woman some flowers. Or you could just ignore my advice and become a grumpy old lonely man. You think of what to say to that woman that will tug at the cords of her heart and play beautiful music.
Rich
2006-11-25 10:39:14 · answer #4 · answered by Roll'n Bluntz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes painful relationship problems are lessons that are experienced on ones path. Your thought of "how to make the pain go away"...another thought...pain does happen, bring into awareness ' how am I going to move through this pain" ? With the mind thought being shifted to the latter you are a more active participant in growing and learning through the experience, even as hurtful as it is. And, you stated that you 'don't want to be alone'...no one does...would you rather stay in an ill relationship or move through this pain and grow forward to the place where all hearts will eventually be healed once again. "Surround yourself with those who will help you achieve your goals". In this case the goal is a right resolution to this situation ~ ~ those to surround yourself with would be those who know and love you and will assist in guiding you to a healthy heart conclusion and be a strength for you through the process. People, books, sites as this, some good soul searching.
2006-11-25 10:30:53 · answer #5 · answered by onelight 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honest answer: Talk with your wife.Whatever is the reason of to be separated for 2 weeks (is not too much time),is not important right now.Now the important thing is:Talk with her,say I am sorry,apology with her.Try.Sometimes we as men,need to say: I am sorry,is my fault,I love you, you are right,give me a second chance,I will do my best to change,etc (if we want to save the marriage).If you come back with your wife,of course,you will need to be a better man.Be a man,is not to be a macho man anymore.Be a man in this century,mean to be flexible,love our wife,and be sincere,accepting our faults as good men.God bless you,and good luck.I will pray that you will fix this problem,and come back with your wife for better.
2006-11-25 10:30:44 · answer #6 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im goining through the same thing. Just be strong and get involved in a routine. also get a lawyer. quite being so ready to strike at her. just tell her calmly that you are done attacking and just want things to be over. Hope for the best for you bro. Here's a toast to both of us.
2006-11-25 10:19:54 · answer #7 · answered by notsoperfectgentleman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you think there is nothing to your marriage anymore than yes, end it and end the misery also, i was married for 18years and now i am divorced, i feel so much better and even lost over 100 lbs.,but yes there are times i get lonely and regret my decision, but then i remember how it was and i know i made the right move. hang in there
2006-11-25 10:21:15 · answer #8 · answered by connie m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Reading your story, you are going to be so much better off without your wife. Continue to rely on your family, that is what they are there for.
Good luck in the future.
2006-11-25 10:18:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ah honey...firstly im sorry for you!!time is the best healer...you will eventually be over her as time goes on...trust me!!your life will seem all bad at the moment but one day you may possibly meet another lady and she may be the love of your life!!
for now be pre occupied and busy..get out and enjoy your time with friends..i wish you all the luck,lots of love x
2006-11-25 10:19:09 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋