How do you let go of irrational, jealousies?

Question

I have been married 2 years, and get jealous anytime my husband is around females at work. He is a resturant manager. Maybe because I'm pregnant and knocking on 30's door, and he works with 18 to early 20ish females, some of which are hot. He swears he will always be faithful and has no desire to run around. He has done nothing to prove himself untrustworthy, so how do I overcome my insecurities?

By the way, I am in therapy, and am this way hen not pregnant.

Answer 1

grab him by the balls and say, "if you ever cheat on me and our little baby....I will cut these off" LOL

Seriously, you have to trust but at the same time be confident in who you are and your abilities...I was a model/glamour/fashion photographer and worked with over 20-50 20 year old hotties...my wife hated it....but now I do things to make her feel like she is more important to me that those 20 year olds....he has to know that you struggle so that he can make efforts in making you feel that you are the only one..ever..

But don't underestimate the power of lust, males question of "what if" or "just this once" or temptation regardless of how much he loves you...continue to be open about your feelings and talk about it with him...Belive me I was tempted while being with all of those hotties even though I loved my wife...

Answer 2

Well my suggestion to you is that when you married your husband you already committed yourself that you will trust him and love him. If he hasn't done anything in the past to encourage these feelings then you need not worry. This could be increased with you being pregnant add all. Believe me I know with all the changes in your body that a woman goes through on a daily basis it is a hard adjustment. I went through the same thing. To me this really isn't about a trust issue it is about an insecurity issue within yourself and additional to that self esteem also. Talk to your husband and let him know how you are feeling. You won't be able to get over this until you explain your emotions to him be open and honest. Start from there. I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 3

Well Sky you are the woman that he choose to spend his life with, raise a family with, and he states be faithful to. You''d be best to accept him at his word and be grateful for having a loving man. The fact of life is that he will always have other females at his work and you will see other males if you work or go shopping or whatever. Your hormones are obviously out a whack a little if you are in the family way and this certainly would not help matters. Tell your man of your insecurities and I'm positive he will help ease them and let you know that you are the girl he wants in his life. Best of luck.

Answer 4

I believe that being pregnant has a lot to do with this and he probably works long hours too. When ever your mind begins to wonder think about the good times you and him have had and will have. And tell yourself this is not good for the unborn baby. This should help some, you may have a little too much time on your hands, occupy it with something. Good luck.

Answer 5

Your jealosy isn't irrational!! He tells a woman at artwork that he HATES you, which you have become a divorced..etc..and he thinks this could be ok? i'm keen to guess that he's doing this with different women..and could be doing greater advantageous than in basic terms speaking and flirting. He could be greater afraid to lose you than lose him. i understand that may not undemanding to pay attention, whether it somewhat is real. you do not would desire to be disrespected like that. do not take it. have you ever tried having an rather severe, all thoughts on the table..heart to heart communicate with him? in basic terms positioned your self available and enable him understand precisely the way you experience, and how it somewhat is affecting you.

Answer 6

You are in a situation that you either trust him or you don't. Your jealousy isn't irrational. I spent 6 years in fast food working with the 16-19 year old hot high school girls. They don't make things easy for the guys either. I found myself in some really awkward situations with them. Your concern is warranted, but your distrust in your husband is not. If you believe that he would walk out of a room if another woman decided to start getting undressed...then you do not have anything to worry about.

Also remember, he is in a situation to jeopardize his job and marriage. Most men are smarter than that.

Answer 7

Sky, right now those jealousies are fairly healthy. You have not acted on them. It's when you act on them that starts the problems snow balling. Jealousy is a part of life, just as is anger, and confusion. You don't run from them, just try to understand them. They also are not "irrational". There is a danger of your relationship having a problem. There is no problem! Just the possibility of one. Kudos for you for realizing that something is amiss. However, I don't think that your husband will cheat. As a fellow cook, and hopefully soon fellow restauranteer, we get somewhat callus to the younger girls. Immaturity is not a good mix with us. Must be why he chose You! Good Luck! and to answer your question, Don't lose the jealousy just learn to recognize it for what it is.

Answer 8

That's the problem with irrational fears, you can't rationalize them away. You can tell yourself all day long that he means what he says and he maried you because out of all the thousands of women he's ever seen, you suit him best. But if the fear or jealousy is irrational, your brain isn't going to influence emotions. If you think this will eventually cause you and him to hav ereal problems, then seek a therapist. No sense running off a good man because you fear him running off!

Answer 9

Wow, some seriously depressing advice you've gotten here so far!

You sound so much like me 12 years ago it's not even funny. I was a pregnant newlywed with an out-of-control body that was expanding to gargantuan proportions and a new husband I hardly knew. I was unbelievably confused and depressed. I FREAKED OUT when I found hubby's girlie magazine. I became psychotically insecure. Once I had the baby, I dieted and exercised myself to my pre-pregnancy weight, and distanced myself from my husband, whom I resented by this point. I thought I could never compete with these airbrushed little bundles of perfection splattered all over the pages of magazines, or the other women out there who inevitibly fawned over my (very cute) husband. I felt that my husband was unhappy with me and that he thought I was pathetic and would never be good enough for him.

What...a..huge...mistake.

Fast forward 12 years. Now I'm 31 (old bag now, eh?) and my husband works with hot young little "bunnies" every day. I've put on a few pounds and see the start of some crows feet in the mirror. These little hunnies are younger, prettier, and way firmer than I am. Gravity hasn't caught up with them yet, and when it does, more and more young hotties crop up to take their place. The supply of 20-somethings is endless. Meanwhile, I'm getting older. But you know what? It really doesn't bother me one whit. The secret was to start talking to my husband. I leveled with him about my feelings. I finally asked him if my feelings were justified. Did he hate me? Did he want other women? Did he wish he hadn't married me?

Well, it turns out that he loved me, didn't regret marrying me, and wanted a deeper, stronger relationship with me. And yeah, he was attracted to other women. I have to add that this is a conversation whose honesty surpassed anything I'd ever experienced. I also must say that my husband is an extremely ethical and moral man. He felt it was unfair to me to not be completely honest when I asked him such a direct question. So yes, he is attracted to other women. He refused to lie about that. But he assured me that it didn't change how he felt about me. I won't go into excruciating detail about that, but I can assure you that he was telling the absolute truth. When I understood that my husband is with me for more than just sex, that he loves me for me, I started to see myself more realistically. I started to see that I had more to offer my husband than any other woman did, no matter how beautiful she is, no matter how attracted to her he might be. I am unique, and he appreciates that. He doesn't compare me to other women. In fact, he can't even compare them to ME. It's apples and oranges. They're nothing but pretty fluff to him. He has proven this to me.

Talk to your husband about your fears. Ask the tough questions and be prepared for answers that you might not like. It's difficult, but there's no sense hiding from reality. Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

Over the years...........especially early on.......... when I'd feel jealousies I'd just tell myself that if my feelings were warranted he wasn't worth the worry. We have been happily married 33 years now, and to my knowledge those jealousies that would creep in occasionally never were warranted...............so I'm glad I didn't waste my time and energy worrying! And remember........if you find that you have reason to be jealous.............he's not worth the worry! You deserve better than that! My husband and I always had the understanding that infidelity is the one and only reason we would ever leave each other. Anything else we would tough it out and work through it.............and it's been well worth having those standards in place. I wouldn't trade him for anything! :)