I asked my husband about the pics I found with twin boys.He said they are a friends' but dishonesty has become like second nature to him.I am absolutely terrified and would be furious if they were his.
2006-11-25 00:48:04 · 28 answers · asked by JUSEve 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have been married for 7yrs.The twins are about a month old
2006-11-25 00:56:16 · update #1
I have never met this "friend".In fact he does not bring his female"friends" over at all.All I know is that I read a letter from her about she being angry with him so much for not visiting her that when he did visit she did not open the door or answer her phone when he called and there he was apologising to her.To me that "friendship"sounds fishy.Now he is driving her car and has been doing so for over 6 months now.The car is registered in her name but he calls it his.Don't know what to believe.
What I cannot understand is that he was in a murderous rage when he thought that I got pregnant for another man.He has always been suspicious of me and on no occasion have I been sexually involved with another man during our marriage
2006-11-25 01:23:14 · update #2
I think you answered your own question
2006-11-25 00:56:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you be furious? Obviously your husband knows that you would react this way and is avoiding your anger. I'm sure he wishes he could be more open with you but your anger forces him to lie. It also makes a difference if these kids were conceived before or during your marriage. You have the right to be hurt if he was playing around, and maybe even angry. But if they were conceived before your marriage, you have no say. Also understand that he has feelings for these kids (if they are his) and he can't fulfill those feelings. So he's in a lot of pain too. You'd do better to be more understanding rather than furious.
And if he did have an affair, don't listen to the other advice listed here. You don't throw a marriage away that easily. You work through it.
2006-11-25 00:57:22 · answer #2 · answered by Arnold M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.....This is a hard thing to look at, especially since you have been with this man for seven years. Has he gave you reason to second guess him with his fidelity? Maybe you should keep on eye out for presents he might by, for people you don't know and especially if their presents for little babies. Moreover, you should ask him directly, if there is something that he's hiding he should say it now and you can try to work something out....but if you find out later that he's lying, that its just going to kill you. I know this is something you can't ask your husband calmly, but you have to, because this is for you. You don't want to become a crazed wife that watches every thing he does, that's the worse way to be, it kills you inside because you become a maniac. So sit him down, try to be honesty and supportive as you can. If your not hostile and rude....and he sees your sincerity he might see that as a communication portal opening...where he can be open with you and just tell you the truth and give over with it. It's better to find out this way.....then find a nother picture with these twins years from now. He'd be then fostering a relationship behind you back over a longer period of time. Get this over and done with now. Express your concerns, be honest, supportive, talk to him like a human being....after all you are his wife.
As for what you should do, if this is true....it depends on how much you love him and it also depends if he still wants to continue this relationship with you...People make great mistakes, sex can be forgiven because its a lust....not a mental thing but a phyiscal thing. But if he's with someone else behind your back and wants a family with that person, thats mentally and you can't forgive that.
Advice or no advice, your going to follow what you want to....but remember don't do anything irraticaly that will end up coming back and bitting you in the back.
2006-11-25 01:02:40 · answer #3 · answered by StyleDiva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously have reasons for not trusting your husband. That you have "allowed" to pile up for a long long time if you're at the point to after only 7 years lying is 2nd nature to him in your eyes.
Marriage is planned out for a lifetime commitment. So, you're saying (outside of the twin pic) that you're committed to a liar for your lifetime? That is no way to live your life.
Number 1 do not assume that those are his kids; find out if they are in"fact" his kids. Until then, you can't call him a liar on this particular information or lack there of.
There are lots of ways to find out if he is lying about anything. I would agree that you hire a P.I. Then, if your suspicions are correct; proceed with dissolving the marriage. Get while the getting is good. Sounds like you were fed up prior to finding this picture of the twins.
2006-11-25 01:18:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is obviously cheating on you. You said it yourself: he is a generally dishonest person. So, why would he go against his nature and NOT lie to you?
Talk to a lawyer, hire a Private Investigator, and see a marriage counselor or clergyman for how best to approach your husband and finalize the situation.
Either get him to come clean and reconcile things, or leave his lying, cheating a.ss
2006-11-25 02:17:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay say these are his kids. And you all have been married seven years. Ok. Now obviously that means he doesn't take care of his kids or gets custody of them for a reason. Either that and he's a piece of crap and doesn't want to see them. If you find out they are. Leave him. You dont want a cat like this do you. You better dig deep to find out if they are or not
2006-11-25 01:00:51 · answer #6 · answered by ProudToBeWhite 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The point is how would you feel. He has told you they aren't his kids and seeing as your married surely you should trust him a tiny bit. If you don't believe him though and think they are really his kids then if you do find out the truth then you should be excepting as they are part of him. Unless of course they were born through an affair whilst he has been with you. In that case get rid of hime as that would be unforgiveable!
2006-11-25 00:53:46 · answer #7 · answered by BigMama 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it sounds like he is a cheat and a liar and because of this he suspects you all the time he is putting his guilt on to you and becoming insecure, your right it does sound very fishy i would ask to meet this woman or demand DNA test or for him to stop seeing her as it is making you feel sad and insecure if he wont stop seeing her he is putting this woman first and not you his wife, i would walk out and find a bloke i could trust and would be happy just loving me and carry photos of me in his wallet and not some other womans kids
2006-11-25 02:18:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you "know" (not just think) that the children are his. I would leave him right now. File for divorce. End the relationship instantly. No-"lets work it out B.S". Get away from him, grieve if you loved him, get help if necessary, heal up, and move on with your life. You need to get him out of your life-forever.
2006-11-25 01:04:18 · answer #9 · answered by Desperado 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you may have a cheater on your hands. with the lies and him driving her car, not much more needs to be said.
you might find some ways to trap him and catch him at it. good luck. perhaps it would be worth the dollars for your own peace of mind to have him followed .
2006-11-25 02:14:47 · answer #10 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well why did he lie? Maybe to protect you if they are his... but honesty is always the best policy. It doesnt change the man you fell in love with, but the problem is with him keeping secrets.
Its not reall a problem unless he wants contact with them which may affect you... Talk it over with him, he could be hurting
2006-11-25 00:50:45 · answer #11 · answered by Whatsanickname? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋