I want to reconcile with my ex. Haven't filed the papers yet. I was busy with my life--working, going to school, being stressed out. He supported me financially and was a good husband. I, on the other hand, didn't pay him a lot of attention, didn't take his advice, and was generally absent. I never meant to make him feel unloved...I was trying to make things better for our future. Once I was done with school, he could quit his job and seek his dreams. He said all I did was use him and abuse him, which is unfair.
Being apart from him for three weeks has given me time to reflect on my role as a wife, and what I did wrong. I don't think our relationship could've gotten better if he had remained in the house. It's a wake-up call.
He said he was lonely and missed me, but didn't say anything about reconciling. We are attracted to each other and love each other. He's so hurt. Been playing it cool, letting him lead the way.
Is it too late? Best approach?
2006-11-25 00:31:03 · 18 answers · asked by Calc44 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
cook a cake, and talk to him, or take him to dinner
:> peace
.
2006-11-28 18:08:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Go to him now. Tell him what a fool you have been. And stop playing it cool. You have ignored him all this time and you continue playing it cool. Humble yourself now! Stop hurting him.
Tell him you have been a fool and you have been playing it cool because of the guilty over the way you have treated him. You didn't mean to treat him this way. It was always something school, this or that when it should have been him that came first. Ask him to forgive you for your treatment of him and that if he couldn't forgive you that you would understand. He deserved to be treated so much better and you want that opportunity to show him how he should be treated.
These last three weeks have been the most painful of your life not having him there.
Open yourself up to him! AS said above. Which I derived from your question. This will let him know that your interest. That your not there to hurt him. That your still have feeling for him. That he is important to you!
Your the one that has treated him badly. You said so yourself. So be the one to humble yourself.
2006-11-25 08:41:21 · answer #2 · answered by wondermom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you're going to have to let him make that decision... it's not yours to make.
We are only hearing your side of the story and quite frankly given the details, he has a right to be a little pissed and feel used. If from the get-go you had explained to him clearly your intentions with school and work, he may understand. But clearly, you also didn't really pay any attention to the other issues in the relationship.
We also don't know if you were the one filing for divorce. If so, and it's what I'm reading here, I wouldn't get back together with you because ultimately, you've acted in a very selfish manner. Reasons given now about your intentions are too late and aren't really going to be received as anything but excuses.
To me, yeah, you feel regret, but hey, you made your decisions early on... you're going to have to live with them until he decides to take you back.
Sorry to sound harsh but...
2006-11-25 08:37:10 · answer #3 · answered by chaka 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should reconcile as soon as possible. Life is too short. Its not about who's right or wrong. Its about love. Be the first to apologize and ask for forgiveness. There's nothing wrong with that. He may even realize that he's not perfect. The point is a marriage is supposed to be til death do us part. Not til hurdles come our way. Communication is so important. Let him know that you love him and that you want to stay together. That you you want to be original and actually want to maintain a marriage. So many people wish they would have. Don't put it off too long because loneliness is not a place where I think either of you want to be. Be good to one another is what my Grandma always said. Get him a make-up card! ASAP
Rich
2006-11-25 08:52:36 · answer #4 · answered by Roll'n Bluntz 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NOT TOO LATE
talk to him..
i swear if u dont talk to him now u'l regret it.
i been through all that.
call him up.. and tell him uv realised ur mistakes and didnt mean to harm him and that u really dont want to think about anyone else but him etc etc
if he's dat type that doesnt answer the phone etc.. invite him for a coffee and say it face to face..
or write him a letter.. dats always romantic. :)
and don be afraid to express all the feelings inside u.
but before you do..
sit down and think.. why u broke up in the first place.
see how much effort you're willing to put into fixing the problems.
see if u are sure u can change the way u are to make ur lives better.
make the decision first.
if u dont do that, and just get back together.. ul face the same problems again very soon.
but its not too late
CALL HIM
NOW
and goodluck :)
2006-11-25 08:36:42 · answer #5 · answered by Mj 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Too late? Maybe. Best approach? Be honest. Show your husband your posted question. Tell him you took him for granted, cuz you KNEW he was your husband, knew he could be trusted, and knew he'd always be there for you. Admit you took him for granted, and assure him you love HIM. And then, if he gives you the chance- show him. Right now, I suggest you start asking him out- on dates. Forget being cool, FIGHT for your marriage. Hopefully, you two will laugh about this 50 years from now.
2006-11-25 09:30:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
hey just had the same problem last night with my brothers ex.......it was her birthday an she was really upset!! when i asked her why she said she still loved my brother even after all these years!! she's a lovely girl and my bro messed her around so much!!! she got sick of it and left..thing is she did'nt mean to leave it so long,and now he's married with a son!!! sad thing is..he still loves her to!!......the real worlds a funny life and you gotta grab at it with both hands!! don't take things for granted...if you love your guy then go NOW and win him back b4 its to late. good luck x
2006-11-25 09:29:11 · answer #7 · answered by chick07 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps it is not too late since he says he misses you and you love each other. Let him know how you feel and ask him to forgive you for the way you treated him before and ask if he would be willing to give you another chance. That might be all he is waiting for......
2006-11-25 08:35:01 · answer #8 · answered by YellaMelaDude 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if papers haven't been filed then he's not your ex so your still married only thing you can do is talk to him and try to make him understand. Downside is it took you 3 weeks to figure it out thats not good you can only hope he hasn't met some else
2006-11-25 08:49:55 · answer #9 · answered by miester44 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Best approach is pure honesty and that wont happen if you are not in touch with your true feelings. It is never too late to be honest, however sometimes serious damage has been done.
2006-11-25 08:45:49 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There's always the possibility of reconciliation. But you need to tell him what you've told us. If you want him back, you need to own up to how you have treated him and acknowledge your mistakes. Also, you want to stress your understanding of how much pain he is in, and what role you played in causing that pain. Good luck.
2006-11-25 08:50:17 · answer #11 · answered by Arnold M 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋