Well... I'm in a really bad mood because I've been up all night with morning sickness... so... Who knows of a really funny joke or can make one up to cheer me up? I want to hear them. The one that makes me laugh the hardest gets 10 points.
2006-11-25 00:25:34 · 9 answers · asked by Rebecca M 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
2006-11-25 00:29:45 · answer #1 · answered by equilibrist 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity And Drive Other People Insane...
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
3. Insist that your email address be Xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com or Elvis-the-king@companyname.com.
4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN.'
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
10. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."
11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
12. Dont use any punctuation
13. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
14. Ask people what sex they are.
15. Specify that your drive through order is "to go."
16. Sing along at the opera.
17. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
18. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)
19. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
20. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
21. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
22. Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies
23. Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess"
24. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
25. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!"
26. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
27. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voices in your head that do"
28. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go"
29. Every time you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here"
2006-11-25 00:52:37 · answer #2 · answered by Emily 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
One is a song, and another is a Michael Jackson joke.
Number 1:
(Sung to the tune of 'I Believe I Can Fly')
â« I believe I can die, â«
â« I got ran over by the Ice Cream guy, â«
â« All I wanted was a popsicle, â«
â« Instead I ended up in a hospital . . . â«
Number 2:
Q: What does a television and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: They both can get turned on by three year olds.
That's all I got.
2006-11-25 07:46:01 · answer #3 · answered by xinnybuxlrie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Pope Died.
Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe (again)
3. Pope Died.
In the future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry or Liverpool needs another European crown ... please warn the Pope!
2006-11-25 00:46:33 · answer #4 · answered by sea_star 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Did you hear that the guy who invented the crossword puzzle passed away last week? In a small private service he was buried six down and three across.
Did you also hear the inventer of the Hokey-Pokey passed?
While placing him in his casket, they put his left foot in and took his left foot out...that's when the trouble started.
I wish you well...
2006-11-25 00:33:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the possum it could be done.
2006-11-25 00:53:35 · answer #6 · answered by shyone 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Blonde at a coke machine in a casino.
puts in quarters pushes button out pops coke.
does this over and over.
guy in line behind her ask if she is about finished, to which she replies "I'm winning, Duh!"
2006-11-25 00:33:03 · answer #7 · answered by firefly 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
aww u have morning sickeness? i havent gotten that far yet. well here we go..................
god gave this litle black boy some wings. the lil boy asked god if now he was a son of god. god laughed and said na your a bat. ha ha
2006-11-25 01:48:51 · answer #8 · answered by Lagrima 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
seagul=mexican airforce
2006-11-25 00:29:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋