unable to afford Christmas - my husband overspends?

Question

HOW do I convince my husband *major breadwinner* that we can't afford Christmas because he's spending $60 on Sushi and a trip to NYC for fun - this is all for himself.. and NO, he's not unfaithful...just greedy and spoiled. (that is just this week....) He talks about having a better Christmas for our three kids (we could afford Christmas LAST year either), but I just don't see it happening..

I need help.

Answer 1

It's a little late for this year, but a strategy I've found to be effective is by doing my shopping a little at a time, beginning, if you must, in January.

However, this solution still doesn't deal with the underlying problem. It sounds as if you and your husband have very different attitudes toward money--a situation that's not all that uncommon. I know this from firsthand experience because it exists in my own home (though it's not nearly to the extreme you describe)--my situation for years was one of having to watch every penny and make choices between a cup of coffee and putting gas in my old jalopy, while my other half was used to thinking that money was something that, if he ran out, he could always get from his father. Over the years he's learned to rein in his spending, but he never will be the penny pincher that I am (by the same token, I've become a little less prone to making a dime do the work of a dollar).

You refer to your spouse as the "major breadwinner"--does he have the attitude of "it's MY money, I work for it, and I should get to spend it as I like?" If so, I think that, as a couple, you would benefit from talking with a neutral third party--a clergyperson or a counselor--who can help you.

Now, for this year, a lot depends on the ages of your children. If they're still fairly small, dollar stores will provide some gifts that will brighten the holiday for them. You might also use this as an opportunity to teach your children about giving by donating some of their outgrown clothing and toys to a charity or a drive for such things in your area. Stimulate their creativity, too, by making decorations with them.

Hope this gives some ideas, but until you and your other half deal with the problem of his spening habits, it's just going to be the same old thing year after year.

Answer 2

You need to put your foot down with him. By him splashing out for himself, the kids are getting less of a Christmas.

He needs to understand the money would be useful for Christmas, like presents and food shopping over the christmas period.

If you have any savings, i would suggest at least trying to salvage what you can to make a good christmas for the kids, and also throwing this greedy man out. You don't need to put up with that kind of behaviour.

Answer 3

Momofericha has the right idea, I like their suggestions.

I would also suggest some family time, like baking or making ornaments to give. Lots of ideas for this type of stuff on line and in magazines in the stores.

How about getting down to the nitty gritty and volunteering time at a soup kitchen or other community center? Even if your husband doesn't go for it, I think it would be a wonderful thing to share with your children. Truly, the holiday is about giving, because we receive so much more when we give of ourselves (at least that's been my feeling).

Good luck!

Answer 4

you don't need to spend to have a good Christmas. as long as you are together and everyone is healthy that's whats important. My husband has been out of work since August. He has had a few tempory jobs in between but nothing solid. My company laid us off and is moving to another State. I don't see us having any Christmas presents at all. But I'm still going to put up the tree. the kids will just have to understand that there will be nothing under it. Just love

Answer 5

I agree with Momofericha.....nice answer! What a great lesson for your kids and it may just be the start of a new family tradition!

My husband is much the same way. I scrimp and save and do without, but he spends money as fast as we make it. I've learned to cut my coupons, etc. and when I shop, I use my debit card and ask for cash for the amount of money I saved. This cash goes into a pot in my kitchen that I know he'll never look in so that I have some money on hand for gifts, emergencies, etc.

Answer 6

Ask him how he would like to pay child support and be on his own? Then he wouldn't have any cash to spend on himself. Seriously, with three kids - its time to grow up. This is partially your fault too - you have allowed him to behave this way. Set down together - set a budget and give him an allowance and yourself! Its very sad that your struggling especially through the holidays and because of his actions - your children will suffer.

Answer 7

who does the shopping? Try to save money by cutting out coupons and buying stuff on sale. Show your husband how much you are saving by this and use the money you save to buy presents for the kids. You can buy a lot of good stuff at dollar stores too.

Christmas isn't about getting...its about Christ. Try telling your husband that this is the time for giving and it gives you a really good feeling inside to help others. To help teach your children try telling him to give up one of his $60 Sushi meals, and use the money to buy christmas dinner for a needy family and take it to them. The look on their faces will reward him much more than one sushi meal would.

Answer 8

the main mandatory area of any variety of paying for no rely if it particularly is Christmas paying for or grocery paying for is to make a itemizing and persist with it. in case you bypass without one you're extra in all hazard to bypass whats up he gets excitement from this, oh she desires a sort of, ect. ect. (in different words the impulse buys) yet making a itemizing prevents a number of it, the 2d area is the no longer common area sticking to it. once you notice a cutting-edge which you realize somebody would particularly like; verify to work out if it particularly is on your record; if no longer then to undesirable persist with the record. Now it particularly is an quite no longer common thank you to do paying for for many motives, a million attempting to no longer purchase something no longer on your record and 2 maybee you don't understand what to positioned on the record. yet another solid approach is the value variety approach. this technique could purely be used in case you are able to no longer do the 1st one or in case you're able to make the presents you provide to be honest (i.e. in case you have a son and a daughter and you do no longer choose to coach favoritism). this technique is used like this: first decide total spending for Christmas as an occasion $3 hundred then make a itemizing of anybody you will provide presents to. ultimately decide how plenty out of your total you would be spending on each and each. on the tip your record could look something like this a million. spouse $50 2. baby A $25 3. baby B $25 4. in-rules $50 5. brother $50 6. grandma A. $25 7. grandma B. $25. 8. superb chum A. 25 9. superb chum B $25 total $3 hundred One final approach is the secret santa approach get along with your loved ones and positioned all your names in a hat. draw a popularity and that's the only man or woman from the drawing you're able to save for. this technique gets the bigger presents, yet no longer as many. the secret santa area of it makes it each and all the extra festive. i desire this helped

Answer 9

Well, sounds like hes already had his gifts doesn't it? I don't know how to tell you to handle this but id be doing something about it right now that is for sure. Don't keep letting him do this to the family. Just be strong and put your foot down. After all why should you suffer just so he can do this sort of thing? Tell him you have had enough.

Answer 10

maybe you should shop very early and a little at a time and tell him it is done. it sounds like you survived last year leave him alone if you can.. maybe if you and kids go on trips with him he will spend more and realize the well does have a limit