I am 39 yo, a mother of three...a wife with an abundant life-my husband is working away from our country. Rescently i meet a batchmate from my high school years who filled my empty life with joy out of his companionship. we comitted no sexual attatchments but his extra loving qualities made me realize his importance in my life at the same time created some negative impact toward my husband who is not that expressive as my batchmate. A month ago my batchmate went out of the country to settle for a brighter living. I got depressed! got some pills but to no avail. Pls help... do i need to reveal the issue to my husband? he will surely not understand...
2006-11-24 23:00:26 · 7 answers · asked by sherry W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Actually, upon reading your story, I thought at first that I am the one writing that... I am also a mother of 3... a wife with also an abundant life, co'z my husband is also working outside of our country... But our situation at the recent part is not the same... But I am here to advice you...to be a friend if you want...
I won't conclude that you don't love your husband anymore that's why you were attracted to your batchmate... I know it is so hard to be away from the one you love, like in our case... We are missing the moments that someone is there to listen to us when we are sad... We are missing someone that gives us the love and care...Something we are getting depressed because of the thing that we are just the one carrying the burden of taking care of the children and disciplining them. Well, in fact, there must be two to be responsible in taking care of the kids... It is really heavy.. I can experience that... It is really exhausting...And the feeling of loneliness every night especially that you are imagining that he is still lying beside you at the bed...Sometimes, I also want to give up...
But we must not think of just ourselves... We have kids....that maybe we do not know... are also getting depressed because of the situation that their father is not with them.. Sometimes we didn't see that because we are focused on ourselves.. On our feeling, on our own sadness... But do you think we should be the one to be strong in this kind of situation? Yes... we are.. We are just the one with them, so we must be much stronger than they are..
And about what you feel with your batchmate... Try to be strong.. Fight to that feeling... Throw it away and start to forget him..I know that you know in yourself that it is wrong...Try to focus yourself to things that can make you a better person and a better mother to your children..
And your husband... I know you still love him, don't you? Maybe you were just mislead by the idea of missing him a lot... Co'z I can feel that.. For I really miss my husband a lot too...It is not too late to correct all your mistakes... Just be strong... Just always refresh yourself with reminiscing how you were loved by your husband when you were still that much in love... And insert in your mind and in heart that it does not change... The same love ffrom years ago is the same love that you have right now...
Maybe, you should not tell that to your husband anymore... Just bury the memories and thoughts of that... And face a new chapter of your life... Begin again with good things and I know you will be happy again...
Good luck and God bless!
2006-11-24 23:50:25 · answer #1 · answered by Rochelly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not sure that your depressed state is from your Friend going away or the inner guilt that you have, because you were attracted to another man.
Married Men and women are constantly being attract to other people....All normal in life. Attraction at work, former friends, chat mates.....many, many distractions in this world.
No, you may not have to reveal this incident to your Husband...Reason: You will create undo stress and an out of balance situation in your marriage. Chances are your Husband will never understand and feel insecure.
There is much documentation to support that, If one Partner strays away from the relationship....The relationship is never the same.
Talk to a Professional and address your issues head on...there will be tears for sure....But, you will fell better expressing your self in private with a Professional.
Good Luck and God Bless you,
Mav
2006-11-25 07:57:26 · answer #2 · answered by Mav 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe it it not its not love but you found another person that could take you away from the mundane daily life, that was exciting. Maybe just the fact that you were with another man was exciting enough. But what really happened was you found someone to help you through a tough time , there is nothing wrong with that but you have to also believe that the man you married is that person when he gets home. Would you condemn him if he told you he met a girl when he was gone and they went out and had a great time but there was no sex. He spilled his guts about what was bothering him to her and she was understanding and made him feel better about leaving his wife at home. You make the decision about if you could live with that fact, maybe he Will understand but i don't think so. whats good for you is also good for him.
2006-11-25 07:12:35 · answer #3 · answered by cctucker75 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you ever see Bridges of Madison County? Exciting people come along throughout life, but if you leave your family, will the grass really be greener? Will the excitement fade?
I don't think you should tell your husband. You enjoyed someone else's company, yes, but perhaps it's best to put your effort into making husband understand your needs more. Create excitement in your marriage.
People can change.
2006-11-25 07:21:37 · answer #4 · answered by Calc44 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's a batchmate? And what do you mean by 'his extra loving qualities'? Hmm ...
Oh and i think you should reveal to your husband that you are feeling suicidal - he ,might wish to know this and make plans to be at home more often.
2006-11-25 07:22:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband need to talk and then get counsel. As people have said to you above, the grass might look greener but....
It is quite natural to feel longings for companionship, intimacy, etc - but those are things that are to be found in the context of your marriage. It is your marriage that needs attention.
It might sound trite, but God can help. Turn to the Lord and ask Him for forgiveness, for healing, for strength, for understanding.
He is a friend who is always wanting the best for us.
God wants to heal your heart first and then heal your marriage.
God bless you and I will be praying for you!!
2006-11-25 08:14:59 · answer #6 · answered by happy pilgrim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come to terms with yourself,Accept the fact that you cheated on your husband(yes even if you never had sex with the other guy,cause you did this without your husband's knowledge)Clear your mind and tell your husband the truth about what you did while he was gone,and see what he whats to do next.Choose who you want to be with and go be with them.
2006-11-25 07:11:40 · answer #7 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋