My Girlfriend dances Tango. I hate it. How do I cope?

Question

I met my Girlfriend last year. I knew she danced Tango and I thought I could cope with it. However I went to a Milonga with her to watch and I couldn't bear to watch another man in such a close embrace with my Girlfriend. Away from Tango we are inseprable. My girllfriend has been dancing Tango for at least 10 years now and she understand's why I am so jealous of it. She is very commited and practaciies at least twice a week. I tried to learn and went to a few classes but to be honest I hated it. It has caused many, many arguements but I love my girlfriend dearly and we have talked about marraige. How can I cope with her dancing such a sensual dance? She says it is just about the music and movement and I do believe her but I can't get my head around the fact that she is comfortable dancing cheek to cheek with another man. I want to be with her the rest of my life but I am scared she will leave me eventually because of her Tango obsession.

Answer 1

You both have to make sacrifices in your relationship.

Would you be happy if she stopped dancing for you even though it's very important to her and you know it would make her unhappy?

You have to trust your gilfriend. I can tell you now, as a dancer myself, she would never cheat on you with her dance partner. It's all professional. You build a close relationship with your dancer partner because you have to train with them etc but that's all there is to it.

She would never have gone out with you in the first place if she had strong feelings for her dance partner. Mark my words.

I don't blame you for getting somewhat uncomfortable watching her dance with another man, but if you can't trust her, then surely getting married will cause you even more distress.

You have to learn to trust her, I know it's hard, but it sounds to me like you are crazily in love with her and she sounds exactly the same about you.

If dancing makes her happy, then you should try to be happy for her.

All this arguing will just destroy your relationship. Please just tell her you're sorry and she will apologise too.

hope I've helped
xxxxx

Answer 2

Hey! Calm down those insecurities dude!! She's with you for other things which are important to her. You are her dance away from her dance. When she's out there dancing, I'm most certain that she is tapping into her feelings for you. You are a major part of the reason she is so sensual on the dance floor. If you treat her well, if you're a great lover, and you make her feel safe, cherished and loved, she's not going anywhere else.

Answer 3

Hi there. Tango keeps your girl fit and feisty, you must encourage her at every turn (so to speak). Turn your attitude around completely, Tango means only GOOD things for you - let Tango start her engine and you can take her for a drive! The alternative is an unfit unhappy girlfriend, don't even THINK about it.
Cheers, Steve.

Answer 4

don't be jealous of the fact your girlfriend has a hobby, that's just how it goes in the Tango, the two people have to be in close proximity to each other in order to flow through the steps, don't worry about it, this guy she dances with probably doesn't even consider himself anythign more thasn your girlfriend's dancing buddy. At the end of the day, she comes home to sleep in your bed, doesn't she? It's only her hobby, and she's very passionate about it, (like I am with the Rugby Superleague) there's nothign wrong with having a passion for life.

Answer 5

If you want to be with her the rest of your life, then you need to go to counseling because this kind of jealousy is going to take a lot of work. Dancing is something your girlfriend has been doing for TEN years now ... yet of all the men she dances with, she chooses to be with you. That should make you feel good ... you're the one she wants, not them.

Jealousy is nothing more than a lack of trust and I assume she has given you no reason not to trust her.

Have you taken Tango lessons yet?

Answer 6

Get the orange man from the Tango ad to slap her in the gob, that should take care of it.

You need to give her an ultimatum - either it's you or the tango. If she chooses the tango, you'll know she's not meant for you.

Answer 7

I'd say learn to Tango but not just with her. See if you can get a foursome together with another couple who kind of understand the situation. That way you get to learn not just the dance but also what it means to dance without jealousy.

I wouldn't be happy letting her dance with a single bloke tho - thats asking for trouble.

Answer 8

she is not obsessed with tango....it's her hobby, she enjoys it...kick the jealousy in the head or you will lose her....be happy for her, if she is a good dancer be proud of her, or better still learn how to tango and join her....bu this jealousy has to stop before she tango's of with someone else...get real...it's only a dance

Answer 9

If your arguing now, what will it be like when your married. I can unfortunalty see the arguments where you say "your my wife, why are you galavanting with these men, get some respect etc"

I can only see three options
1)You suck it up, and dont mention it again,
2)She gets a gay male dancing partner - this works for both of you - allays your fears and she can still dance
3) Leave - realise that this will only spiral out and become a divorce.

Answer 10

I always regarded jelously as insecurity. If you really love her and you know that she loves you, you should trust her. Insecurities can eat you up and could come back and bite you one day. Obviously, dancing is her passion and if it is something she really enjoys she is going to keep it up and if you keep showing her disapproval, I think you are playing with fire. Try to be tolorant and see her as a talented lady who enjoys what she is doing. Instead try and encourage her to do all the things she enjoys doing, you may find she'll love you more for it. Good luck.