i am finding that as time goes on my partner and I are becoming less intimate, to the point that we spend very little time together, i work, she looks after our child. We have been married for 4 years, and get on very well, but there is a big hole in our relationship...when we argue it always (eventually) gets to the fact that we don't have sex, i'm frustrated, and i'm told that she has no interest in having sex anymore........what can i do!?
2006-11-24 21:37:19 · 27 answers · asked by Cy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm not surprised you are frustrasted!
You have only these choices:
Stay, and see if you can persuade her that sex is important - maybe through sexual counselling.
Stay, and be celibate.
Stay, and either have an affair, or see a working girl, or become a swinger.
Stay and develop a porn habit.
Leave her and find someone else.
I suggest that you ask her to sit down with you one evening for a serious talk. Tell her you love her but you dont want a sexless marriage. Tell her you dont want to leave or be unfaithful and for the sake of your child, and your future, that you BOTH of you make an effort to get your marriage back on track.
I firmly believe that intimacy is very important and that a marriage cant survive without it (unless both partners are happy with no sex).
You have only been married 4 years. You need to take action now. A couple i know are currently attending sexual therapy and it has turned their sex life around. Maybe your wife doesnt realise how important it is to you - she needs to know. My marriage split up because my husband wouldnt try and revive our intimacy.
Its worth the effort of trying to sort this out. Arguing doesnt do any good. Talking calmy and getting outside help probably will. Your wife will realise you are serious. I assume that there is nothing else wrong in your relationship and you try in other ways to be a good husband and father.
Good luck!
2006-11-24 23:27:39 · answer #1 · answered by Caroline 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Although a slowdown in that department is normal for any couple, intimacy is imperative for a strong relationship. Is it just sex or is the intimacy failing in all parts of the relationship? If it's sex look at the obvious first: taking care of a child is exhausting. Perhaps you might step in to take on some of the parenting chores? Unfortunately, some women think, "I have my baby now I'm done with you." That's awful thinking but I've seen it happen more than once. Try tenderness, understanding and make sure you are seeing her as a women and not just a mother to your child. If that doesn't work, suggest counseling. You have a right to intimacy in both thought and action in your life. Forcing the issue won't help and fighting over it is definetly not the answer. Try the wining and dining thing-a date night-and if she still is withholding any intimacy then you need to straight up ask her why and, without fighting, accept the answer. You might not like it. I ended up leaving. I didn't like the answer and couldn't change it. If you're not ready for that kind of an answer then don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.
2006-11-24 23:12:26 · answer #2 · answered by SZQBX 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think people should stay in a sexless marriage! I am a woman and I could not live in the house with my husband or any man with out wanting sex. It is not normal. I work a full time job and take care of a child plus all household duties and still love sex and probably would enjoy a little more at most times. if she doesn't want you move on it is not worth wasting your life waiting on her a man has needs!! Every woman should want to satisfy her man or else she is satisfying someone else!
2006-11-24 23:21:03 · answer #3 · answered by kd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get this book 365 days of great sex. there are ideas of how to make things more interesting again. it is not just about sex. if will let you know what is involved, like how much it will cost, how much time is required. some really fun stuff. the pages are closed on the edges and divided by him and her. each has a title and when you open the page it will give you some great ideas that the other will be surprised by. It wasn't very costly either and the author has written a few of these books.
2006-11-24 21:54:58 · answer #4 · answered by lot2talkabt 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately this is common. Lots of women that look after their small children fall into the "mumsy" phase. They almost believe that all they are is a mother to your children. You may not be responsible for her lack of interest in sex but be responsible for helping her get it back. Tell her how you feel about her. Remind her how sexy she STILL is. Work out a good routine with your child so that you two get to spend some quality time together. Good luck luv!!!!!!!!!!
2006-11-25 00:16:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
im in the same boat but its me not being interested in sex. The reason is because my husband had made it all about him. Its just to get his rocks off and there is no connection. Instead of making me feel wanted & beautiful he says" wanna take your pants off" or "can i have some tonight". He makes me feel cheap. He used to be very sincere and romantic but now he thinks hes doesnt have to bother with that stuff anymore. Im an attractive young woman and only 23. I am interested in it but not with a self centred jerk. If this sounds like what you are doing to your wife then change your attitude quick smart before your marriage is ruined and she resents you.
2006-11-24 21:48:02 · answer #6 · answered by Kylie P 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A woman doesn't "get in the mood" while taking care of a demanding child, and doing housework. Try giving her some compliments and respecting her hard job. Let her know its ok to go get her hair done and a manicure. It is about time to take her out on a date too.. just you and her and a nice meal. Treat her like a girlfriend and not the unpaid hired help.
2006-11-24 22:00:05 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A helpful quote I read- "men need sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved to have sex". If the child is young this is a normal part of a relationship, it is tiring raising children. Things will get better, stay connected in other ways.
2006-11-24 22:06:36 · answer #8 · answered by souldancer70 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi, if after only four years and no intimacy? In my experience after 19 ( and hoping for a turn around) things will not improve. Write her a letter, asking for her to meet you at your favorite restraunt. Have a sitter, get hotel, in the letter ask her to dress up. Worked for me. When she arrives tell her how lovely she looks. Compliment her, make her feel like a woman,not a house wife or mother.
2006-11-24 21:48:27 · answer #9 · answered by seaking 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
bring back the romance, light that spark. Remember why you fell in love with her, do some of the things you did for her in the begining. Ask her why she fell in love with you. Love and Marriage take time and work, you may need to try counseling. I say go on a date that resembles a few of your first dates, make her remember why she married you.
2006-11-24 21:45:33 · answer #10 · answered by Dee P 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋