My husband is very short tempered.What do i do???

Question

Even if i am talking to him normally he starts shouting without any reason and it turns into a big fight.It could start with any small issue.I dont know what to do.Its been two years since we got married but i have never been happy.Its not that he dosen't love me..he does.. but he fights on small issues.He cannot control his temper.We cannot get divorced because we belong to a very conservative family where divorce is not atall common.After fighting he will not talk to me atall and if i try and talk things out he will simply not reply and that makes me more frustruated and depressed.It takes me days to get him back to talking normally.Its always me who takes the initiative to talk.He will never come back to me and talk or say sorry even if he realises that he fought without any reason

Answer 1

Offer him 2 options:
1. Anger Management Counseling
2. Separation

Answer 2

You are in an abusive relationship, and you need to get professional counseling in how to deal with him. You need to feel safe and should not have to try to walk on eggshells around your own husband who is supposed to love you.

Divorce is between you and your husband, and is not a decision to made by his family or your family. But before going that direction, I would first seek counseling. You probably won't be able to change him or get him to see a counselar, but it would help you a lot. And if you do end up separating, then it will be his loss.

In the meantime, talk to your friends as much as possible, for the emotional support. Don't hide what is going on. It is HIS problem, not yours. Well, obviously it is a problem for you but what i mean is HE is causing it.

One suggestion I have is when disagreeing, use the phrase "I need" or "I feel" instead of "you did this" or "why dont you". that can help to ease tensions a little. But beyond that, you really need to see a counselar regularly because they are trained. I am not. :)

Good luck. oh, and don't let your families make you feel guilty for his behavior!

Answer 3

Here's something a couple of people I know tried, and it worked. When he's not mad, sit him down and say to him the reasons why you married him, "You're a good person, I respect you, I thought you were cute" whatever it was. Say something honest. Then say, "When you lose your temper, it's not like you. You're not really that person." Then, when he loses his temper, say "That isn't like you to lose your temper." It may take about three weeks, but you may be able to change his temper. Just be very careful: if he ever gets violent or controlling, make a plan and get out to somewhere safe, probably with the help of a local domestic violence support group. But you can try this method if he's not violent, it may work.

Answer 4

make sure that this verbal abuse does not turn violent on you! it starts with yelling and ends with hitting. i understand your feelings about your family and you already have lost your self esteem so recovering from this will be difficult, but think about what kind of life you have now. the feeling you get when you hear him coming home, the way everything changes by only his presence. do you want to be depressed, lonely and sad for the rest of your life? it will only get worse without intervention. maybe you need to look at this as a test of your families loyalties to you and not conservatism. if you have a family that is not willing to stick with you through a difficult time such as divorce, then how good of an influence are they anyway.

Answer 5

If divorce is not common in you family, maybe you can become a trendsetter. If you choose for a divorce, maybe other unhappy women in your family have the nerve to take that step. I mean, what will you do when you get children and he shouts at them too? I really think you should choose for yourself and get out while you can dear. Good luck.

Answer 6

your huband might have emotional issues that are somewhat beyond his control. find out if there is a family history of mood disorders.
if there is, get info and educate yourself first. then talk to your husband and maybe he can open up about it.
change your behavior. if he gives you the silent treatment, just try talking to him as you normally would anyway. dont tolerate the emotional abuse.
sounds like he needs counseling, and you do as well, to break the patterns.

Answer 7

the only's that rather made me giggle are - words to stay via: do no longer argue with a companion who's packing your parachute. First guy (proudly): "My spouse's an angel!" 2nd guy: "you're fortunate, mine's nonetheless alive." women folk isn't equivalent to adult men till they are in a position to stroll down the line with a bald head and a lager gut, and nonetheless think of they're beautiful They have been superb! action picture star!

Answer 8

To hell with the conservative family...THEY are not the ones living a miserable life. His temper could worsen...get out and move on with a happier healthier life...with or without family support

Answer 9

clcalifornia has the best answer, to which I will add; only your husband can change his behavior. He will do this by understanding himself and wanting to improve his (and your) lives. He will have to be open to all this new information which he obviously doesn't have right now. Good luck.

Answer 10

Here is a book that saved my saniety. it is called THE DANCE OF ANGER

Read it.
Will he go for counseling?

a point...you can't change him...you can only change how you react to him. Don't fall in to his dance of anger. Start a new healthy life together.