Hey guys, I need some help.
My husband and I are married for 2 years now. The marriage wasnt always easy and we had many setbacks but I always thought we worked it out. Anyways I had to work overseas for a while, due to my job. My hubby is in the military and just got deployed to Iraq before I came home, but we talked everyday and even so sometimes I had a weird feeling I believed him when he told me everything was ok. Short and painless.I found some things out: He met another girl while I was gone, found that out because he forgot to delete his msg on msn. When I asked him he tried to hide it in the beginning but then admitted it but said nothing happened and avoids this subject now. He bought a laptop,was hiding the bill and took it with him. He signed up on several online dating sites, etc. He didnt paid the bills, left me with nothing in the house..even the phones were turned off. I am a little confused and shocked, but he still insists everything is ok.
What do u guys think??
2006-11-24 19:50:07 · 20 answers · asked by sweet28muffin 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey guys, thanks for the fast answers.
Its not the first time he lied..when we first started dating I found out by myself he was married before and has a child. He didnt tell me, I found the divorce papers in his house. I always had to pay his bills because he never took care of it. I told him at that point if he wouldnt change I would leave him but somehow he always made me feel guilty for thinking that. The last 2 years have been really rough cause he just cant take any responsibilties. I know I made mistakes too but at least I was always honest to him. I dont know why he is always hiding things or lying. He makes me feel belittled and since I am back the house just doesnt feel like my home anymore.
2006-11-24 20:11:41 · update #1
He is talking to me online every day and acting like nothing happened, I dont know what to do. We talked about all our probs just a couple of months ago and we tried too fix it..went to church etc. He always keeps saying he changed and he is a better person now..but obviously its not so.
2006-11-24 20:21:55 · update #2
Hey guys, thanks for your answers. I talked with my parents about it and they have enough, they told me to end it before its to late.
But can anyone tell me why I feel so bad and depressed? I am crying all the time and feel like a piece of ****. My emotions just change all the time, one moment I am strong enough to move on and the next moment I dont want to. We have no kids yet, only a dog and I couldnt take her with me because my parents landlord doesnt accept dogs and I dont want to give the house up. I know when I close the door now there is no return and I am not sure if I am ready for it but on the other hand I am tired of him lying and betraying me. Its killing me. I dont know what to do anymore, I wish I wouldnt wake up anymore.
2006-11-25 16:38:45 · update #3
The fact that you are asking indicates you already know what we think and just want confirmation of your own feelings.
I'm so sorry, but he is betraying you emotionally if he has not already done so physically.
Now you need to decide if you two can get past this. Only you can make the decision of whether you want to continue this relationship, knowing that he is free to do whatever he wants to while in Iraq and has already betrayed your trust.
I had a similar situation, and I stuck with it, and it was the absolute worst thing I ever did. The best thing I ever did was throwing him out 3 weeks before the wedding and never looking back.
I know you feel there is a moral issue, putting pressure on you to stay since he is one of the soldiers fighting for our values in a foreign country, but at least if the marriage ends while he is there he has his fellow (of both sexes!) soldiers to turn to, his clerygman there, his CO's....There is a lot of support for our soldiers in foreign lands for these emotional issues so don't let the fact that he is a soldier convince you to do something that may ultimately hurt you both.
Good luck, I'm sorry you're hurting.
***udate after your addt'l info***
He is using you. He is saying whatever he has to say to keep the gravy train rolling while still doing whatever he wants to do. It is in your best interest to end this now. If you don't, you can't blame him for how badly you suffer - you can only blame yourself. (This is the SAME situ as I mentioned above about the best thing I ever did for myself)
2006-11-24 19:58:45 · answer #1 · answered by Star 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First thing to remember is that getting even never works. The only thing you have complete control over is your actions. Keep your vows, but this does not mean that you have to put up with an adulterous situation. Sounds like he thinks he can walk all over you for some reason. You may want to think about going to your mom's house for a while, and let him know that you are re-evaluating the situation. He may or may not wake up, but at least you will know.
2006-11-25 04:06:14 · answer #2 · answered by Chachito 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that he's putting the screws to you. It is time to set him down and let him know that you will not put up with this. If he wants to be married, then he needs to remember the part of the vows that state "...and to forsake all others...". Meaning it's no longer alright to "shop around".
If on the other hand he is not all that interested in his marriage with you, then it's time for you to file divorce on him and move on, before there is a child involved in what can easily become a real mess.
That's how I see it.
2006-11-25 03:58:43 · answer #3 · answered by kamikaze_4021 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to see how bad this situation is since you're in the middle of it, probably still love him, and fear the uncertainty of divorce and being alone.
It will get worse. You will never trust him. He will keep taking advantage of you. Be thankful this happened now and not after 10 years and 2 kids.
Seriously. Be thankful for your friends, family, co-workers, and your job. This is a blessing in disguise. Be strong, kiddo.
2006-11-25 07:52:09 · answer #4 · answered by Calc44 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, the sad thing is that often the best predictor of the future is the past.
Why continue in this trustless relationship. Siigning up on single sites is way over the line.
Be strong. You already know what you need to do.
2006-11-25 05:45:12 · answer #5 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey...you are not paranoid...this guy does not deserve your love or anymore of your time....It is a one-sided relationship...you are giving and he is taking...You are paying his bills but he is out buying laptop computers and joining dating services....he has lied to you, used you emotionally and financially, left you nothing to come home to......what more do you need to wake up and smell the coffee....The man is a user who will never treat you with the respect and love that you deserve....kick him to the curb...don't get sucked in by anymore of his lies, divorce him and find an honest caring man to share your life with....Best of luck to you....
2006-11-25 04:44:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! I truely wouldn't trust him at all. If it was me, I would try asking around to people that he hung around with while you were gone. Maybe everything is okay. But I would not trust him at all. I'd look for all kinds of other signs. I would want more evidence, but would give him the benefit of a doubt because if you are like me you take marriage very seriously.
Good Luck!
2006-11-25 03:58:08 · answer #7 · answered by Stephanie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he is up to something. When a person feels that something is missing in a relationship they sometimes go outside of the relationship to find what they need. I don't know if he is cheating on you but I think you already know something is going on. You already gave us plenty of evidence and you believe something is wrong.
2006-11-25 04:44:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is obvious things are not okay. If you feel the marriage is worth an attempt at saving then try counseling for the both of you. If not, then cut your losses and leave him.
2006-11-25 03:59:23 · answer #9 · answered by fivals_friend 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Shake him,
Tell him you want a straight answer or you will file for divorse.
If he is cheating on you then, leave him , even if you have 11 kids. No probelm
2006-11-25 04:01:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋